Fantascape
by FairyLies
Summary: One summer can change everything.
1. Chapter 1

**June 24, 2011**

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." I mutter to myself while standing outside of "FANTASCAPE". I can't believe I'm spending the rest of my summer working in this _shithole_... I walk through the slightly rusty gates and towards the main office.

"Ah, Santana you're here." Mrs. Kit, the owner of Fantascape, exclaims as soon as I stepped in the small room. "Here." She hands me three red t-shirts, which all had the word 'FANTASCAPE' printed on the front and the word 'GAMES' printed on the back— both in bold white. "You'll be given three shirts and if you lose any of them, a replacement is $15. You're in charge of the 'Milk Bottle Game'... Don't worry, _darling_, it's incredibly easy. You just have to get the money, give them the two balls and hope they don't knock down the three bottles." The old lady chuckles heartily before walking out of the office.

I stuff two shirts in my backpack and wear the other one over my tank top before running after Mrs. Kit. "Good, you changed, okay, so _this_ is your booth and it's under your care so love it like it's your first born." She smiles at me and I _try_ my best to smile back. "We open the gates in about half an hour so you still have time to settle down. Don't forget to write how many and what prizes you give out, and make sure to guard your cashbox with your life. Welcome to the Fantascape family, Santana!" She gives me a warm hug and I awkwardly pat her on the back.

"Thank you, Mrs. Kit." The older woman smiles at me before heading back to her office. I enter my booth and place my backpack on top of one of the tables. I look around and grimace— _eww_. Everything in here is just so sickening, the rigged _'milk bottles'_, the scratched up balls (that were a lot lighter than they looked), the stuffed pink unicorns and other cheap prizes that were hanging from the ceiling.

_This sucks, I fucking hate this place already. _

"Sup, new meat." A large girl in a blue Fantascape shirt comes up to my booth, giving me the once over while scowling at me for no apparent reason. "The name is Lauren and this is _my_ theme park, got that?"

"Yeah, cause you _totally_ look like you can afford to own a place like this." I say before letting out an exaggerated yawn and cracking my knuckles. _Her size doesn't scare me..._ She walks closer to me and roughly grabs my top's collar with her two huge hands. "I strongly suggest that you let go of me."

"Or what?" She taunts, gripping the fabric even tighter. The booth's counter between us was digging into my stomach and it seriously felt uncomfortable, almost painful actually. "What can someone as small as you do to me, _chica_?"

"Let's hope for your sake, you don't find out." I smirk out confidently before planting my palms on her shoulders and forcefully shoving her off of me. "Don't touch me again or else there's going to be _real_ trouble, alright?"

"Why you little—" She was about to grab me again but someone cuts her off.

"Lauren, what are you doing? Leave her alone and go back to your station." A slender blonde girl barks out,_ 'Lauren' _glares at her for a moment and scowls at me one more time before ultimately walking away. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine, I didn't need your help." I reply insouciantly, rolling my shoulders. "I can handle myself... That bitch wasn't even a threat, trust me."

"Really now? She's like four times your size." The stranger states sceptically while raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at me.

"So? I don't let _anyone_ push me around, blondie." I shrug before fixing my shirt, the collar part was a bit stretched out but I didn't really care. When I look up again, I notice that the blonde was still there, looking at me as if I was the most fascinating person she's ever seen.

"What's your name?"

"Kim Kardashian." I deadpan, pursing my lips into a straight line to show that I wasn't interested in continuing the conversation that we were having.

"Has anyone ever told you that you aren't really friendly?" She asks in an amused tone, curling her lips into a soft smile.

"If I answer yes, will you leave?" She shook her head. "Okay _nope_, now leave since I didn't say yes."

"I like you, you're funny." She chuckles, flashing her perfect set of white teeth. Her phones starts ringing and I watch as her hazel eyes narrow once she sees the name on the screen. "I need to go, I'll see you around, Kim." She grins widely before running off, the word 'RIDES' was printed on the back of her blue shirt, just like the bigger girl's.

_No one won a stuffed unicorn today... _

**June 25, 2011**

"Dad, I really don't understand why I even need to work at Fantascape." I groan out while my dad was driving me to the amusement park. "It's so hot and I make like $50 for a _whole_ day's work... I should just chill at home or something, it's not worth it."

"Santana, you only work three times a week, it isn't _that _bad. Plus, I told you that I want you to do something constructive while you're over here."

"But I came here to spend time with you." I pout, trying to convince him to let me quit. "Please don't make me go back there, daddy."

"The deal was that you could stay with me this summer if you got a job." He shrugs his shoulders, obviously not planning to yield to my request. "And, it isn't about the money, Tana... I want you to learn from this, it will be helpful once you're in the real world. You're going to be starting your last year of high school soon and I don't want you to graduate and go off to college without any work experience."

"Daddy, I don't think you can call what I do in Fantascape '_working_'... I just sit in some crummy booth all day, take kids' money and crush their dreams of winning some cheap stuffed animal. The game I handle is rigged, no one wins."

"Well, that isn't your problem, love." He chuckles lightly, pulling up in front of the gates of the theme park. "I remember going here a lot when you were a little girl, you used to love this place... We'd spend all day going on rides, playing games, eating junk food."

"It sucks now." I respond coldly, feeling a little guilty for dimming the bright smile across my dad's face.

"Why?"

"Cause I grew up." I shrug nonchalantly before giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you later, I'll probably just find my own ride home."

"Okay but call me if you don't find one. Love you!"

"Mhmm." I hum out in response. I _do_ love him— I just wasn't big on saying things like _that_ out loud, that four-letter word tastes like acid on my tongue. I lazily make my way towards my booth after grabbing the money box from the office.

_Great, I'm going to waste yet another perfect summer day by scamming people... _

It's still pretty early and the amusement park won't open for at least another 20 minutes so I discreetly take out my phone despite the fact that it was against the rules... I go through my contacts and highlight _her_ name. My thumb hovers over the number, I desperately want to call her, just to hear her voice but I know I shouldn't. _There was no reason to..._ I'm all the way in fucking Ohio because we need time apart, I shouldn't mess that up by calling.

I start playing _Temple Run_ to distract myself, I try to reach 10 million again but I keep dying during the sharp turns. I was at around 7 million when _someone_ decides to audibly clear their throat and bother me. The phrase _'Tree Hugger'_ flashes on the screen and I look up to angrily glare at the _dumbshit_ who fucking killed me.

"I died, thanks to you." I mutter out, dropping my phone onto the counter with a distinct thud.

"Morning to you too, Kim." She grins brightly, acting oblivious to the fact that I was glowering at her. "You know we're not supposed to use our phones while we're at work, right? If someone else sees you, you might get in trouble."

"This place isn't even opened yet..." I challengingly raise an eyebrow. "Why do you care anyway? If I get fired, I get fired."

"I told you yesterday, I like you... You're funny."

"Look _Barbie_, you really should stop coming around here because if it wasn't obvious enough, I'm not here to make friends or whatever."

"I never said I wanted to be friends with you."

I groan in exasperation, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Don't you have like a ride or something that you need to operate?" I ask in an extremely annoyed tone once I see the ticket booths being opened and people entering the amusement park. She shakes her head before sitting on the wooden counter of _my_ booth. "Your shirt says 'RIDES', how can you not have a ride to run?"

"I _do_ have one but they're fixing it today so I don't really have to be anywhere but here..."

"Why do you _have to_ be here?" I demand, squinting at her with a clenched jaw.

"To talk to you, silly." She chuckles, I was about to say something but a little boy walked up to the booth and interrupted our discussion. The strange blonde waves at him friendlily and he waves back. "Hi, want to play?"

"Yup." He hands her $2, which she gives to me to place inside the money box. "I want to win my sister a unicorn." He tells us excitedly and I hand him two balls, stepping out of his way. He tosses the first one and completely misses the targets, then he tosses the second one and it hits the bottles but knocks only one over.

"Aww, I'm so sorry, little man." The blonde girl frowns at him. "You should try again when you're a bit stronger." He nods in agreement before sadly waving goodbye to the both of us and walking away dejectedly. "I swear it sucks when they look so miserable after..."

"This game is goddamn rigged, what do you expect? I haven't given out any of these stuffed animals. No one wins in these kinds of things."

"Yeah, it _is_ rigged but people do win, trust me. I see people leave Fantascape holding those giant unicorns all the time."

"Well, then they're fucking lucky, I'm 100% sure that no one is going to win this game again today." I sigh heavily before fixing the lone bottle that the kid knocked down a while ago. "These bottles are way too heavy and the balls are way too light, it's impossible."

"I bet you 5 bucks that someone will actually win a unicorn today." She smirks provocatively, her smug expression oozing with infuriating confidence.

"No one will win." I retort offhandedly, combing a hand through my hair.

"If you're so sure, take the bet... It's just five dollars if you lose anyway." She wiggles her eyebrows and I grit my teeth, itching to wipe the arrogant look off her face.

"I'm _not_ going to lose and you're _so_ on." I narrow my eyes at her and she grins back.

"Alright then, Kardashian."

-x-x-x-x-

_2 hours and almost 30 customers later, still no winner..._

"Get your 5 bucks ready." I smirk at the blonde who was _still_ hanging around my booth, swinging her legs back and forth from her place atop my counter. She shrugs one shoulder and smiles back at me, unfazed by my goading.

"You're going to have your lunch break soon, I'll show you the best place to eat around here."

"Uhh, yeah, no thanks."

"Why not?"

"Look _dude_, I know you're just trying to be friendly and all but I _like_ being alone. It's already too much that you spent the _whole_ morning bothering me, don't mess up my break too."

It's harsh but she's really starting to annoy me... "Oh okay, sorry Kim." She mumbles softly, obviously feeling a mixture of embarrassment and hurt, before jumping off the counter and walking away. _Finally_. I try to shake away the guilty feeling in my chest— it doesn't matter she's no one.

-x-x-x-x-

I grab the metal money box and head to the main office to give it to Mrs. Kit and check out for the day. She hands me an envelope with my daily wage. _Yay $50!_ Ugh, so not fucking worth it... "See you tomorrow, Santana."

"See you, Mrs. Kit."

I walk out of the office, debating with myself whether I should call my dad to pick me up or walk home. "Hey Kim!" I roll my eyes when I hear _that _voice, I start moving even faster towards the employees' exit of Fantascape. "Wait up!"

I only stop when she was standing right in front of me already, preventing me from successfully escaping another one of our peculiar interactions. "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to give you this." She hands me a slightly crumpled 5 dollar bill. "I heard no one won the milk bottle game today, bummer." She shoves her hands into her front pockets and shifts her feet below her, scuffing the rubber bumper portion of her sneakers against the pavement.

"Yup, thanks." I reply coldly, stuffing the bill into one of my backpack's compartments and walking past her without another word or glance.

"How are you going home?" She shouts out, concern evident in her voice.

"Walking." I yell back without even turning around, increasing my pace.

"Are you insane? It's late, it isn't safe for you to walk." I hear her footsteps getting louder and louder, and I knew she was running towards me again. _Crap... _"I can drive you home."

"No thanks." I flash her a fake smile, attempting to walk past her again.

"No seriously, I _want_ to drive you home... There are crazy people out there who can hurt you, you know."

"Yeah, I know, I'm talking to one right now." I chuckle stonily but she completely ignores my satirical jest.

"I'm not kidding, either you let me drive you home or you call your mom to pick you up... But no matter what, I won't let you walk home alone so if you insist on walking, I'll go with you."

"Wouldn't that mean you'd have to walk back here alone to get your car?" I crease my brow at her and she shrugs both of her shoulders, nodding with a pout.

"Yeah, and it would be on _your_ conscience if anything bad happens to me." She lets out a dramatic sigh. "Then you would blame yourself for the rest of your life and wholeheartedly wish that you simply agreed to let me drive you home in the first place."

"I honestly think you're crazy." I proclaim with a straight face, slanting my lips afterwards.

"Believe me, it's safer to ride home with me than to walk... I won't talk to you during the whole ride if you don't want me to, I promise. All I want to do is make sure you get home safe, alright?"

"Why do you care so much?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Fine." I huff out in acquiescence, knowing that there's no way out of this. I follow her to her car and allow her to drive me home. The car ride was silent, like she promised— the only time she spoke to me was when she told me to put on my seatbelt and she just wordlessly nodded while I was giving her directions to my dad's place. "Thanks." I say quietly before getting out of her car.

"No worries, Kim, I'll see you tomorrow." She smiles at me before driving off and disappearing down the road, I make my way into the house and up to my bedroom. I change into clean clothes before turning on my Macbook and logging on Facebook and Twitter.

㈟0**SantanaLopez: **SRSLY HATE THIS PLACE. Someone come get me, pls.

I tweet before checking my important Facebook notifications. I look through a couple of my friends' new albums and it sucks that they all seem like they're enjoying their summer break while I'm stuck here doing nothing in fucking Lima, Ohio.

I was just about to logoff when a chat window pops up on the lower right corner of the screen.

**Brooke Prince:** Hi (:

**Santana Lopez:** Hey.

**Brooke Prince: **How are you, S?

**Santana Lopez:** Great.

**Brooke Prince:** Really? I saw your tweet.. You don't sound 'great'.

**Santana Lopez: **Doesn't matter.

**Brooke Prince: **Santana, please.

**Santana Lopez: **Please what?

**Brooke Prince:** Stop acting like this.

**Santana Lopez:** Okay.

I click the sign out button as soon as I send the last message, I'm not in the mood for a fight... _Nope, not tonight. _I check my Twitter mentions and see her name yet again. Well not her name name but her username— close enough...

㈟0**BROOKEthePRINCEss: **㈟2**SantanaLopez** I know you're mad at me but I hope you feel better. Miss and love you, come home soon please! x

"What the fuck." I clench my jaw before slamming my laptop shut and dialing Brooke's number.

_"San?"_

"What are you doing, Brooke?"

_"I'm just using my laptop right now, I might watch—"_

"No, Brooke." I cut her off. "What the _fuck_ are you doing? What was that tweet?"

_"Nothing... You just seemed sad and I just wanted to cheer you up, I guess. Why is it such a big deal?"_

"You can't say shit like that... You're not allowed to talk to me in that way anymore."

_"Santana, you're my best friend... How do you want me to talk to you? Where are you anyway? Disappearing like this isn't helping the situation, we need to talk about things."_

"I need to get away from you, don't you understand that?"

There was a long pause and I thought about hanging up but then she started talking again, her tone was a lot of softer now. _"You know that I'm really fucking sorry for what happened... And I never said no to you, S- I'm just— I'm still not ready and I know that's not an excuse for what I did but I'm so, so sorry." _

"Hooking up with some douchebag right after our talk is a pretty clear _'no'_, Brooke." Tears were starting to fill my eyes and I didn't want her to hear me cry. "_Fuck_, I need to go."

_"Okay, then."_ She sighs airily. _"I miss you and even if you don't believe me... I love you so much, S. We'll figure everything out when you come back home, I swear."_

"Yeah, whatever." I end the call and try my best to resist the urge to throw my phone at the nearest wall. I force myself to stop crying, I need to stop crying over her...

_Not anymore, never again._

**_Brooke Prince_**_: I love you.. Goodnight, baby. :(_

Yeah, so much for not throwing my phone at the wall and never crying over her again...

_Fuck this._

**June 26, 2011**

It should be illegal to work on a Sunday, ugh... I walk in the amusement park, wearing my black wayfarers, I was trying to hide how swollen and red my eyes were underneath the shades. My peaceful path to the office was interrupted by Fantascape's very own pet rhinoceros, also known as, Lauren. "What do we have here?" She questions with a smirk before reaching out for my sunglasses, I step back and push her chubby hand away from my face.

"I'm not in the mood today, so back the fuck off." I growl out but she just idiotically chuckles and reaches for my glasses again. "I said fuck off, bitch."

"What was that?" She clamps her teeth together and steps forward menacingly, her size towering over my much smaller stature.

"Fuck off, bitch." I repeat— a lot louder this time. She grabs my collar yet again and pulls me towards her using one hand, she removes my sunglasses with the other then throws them to the ground. "Okay, that's it."

I push her off of me and the force was enough for her to let go of my top and stumble backwards, then I punch her right on the face without further warning. I continue hitting her and she strikes me back a couple of times but I was a lot quicker so she missed most of her shots. She ends up on the floor with me standing over her, I was going to bend down to continue my assault but someone came to her rescue.

"What the fuck is going on here?" I spin around and see the annoying blonde that's been pestering me ever since my first day on the job. "Lauren?"

"I don't know, this bitch just went crazy on me." Lauren groans from below me, cupping her swelling cheek and wincing in pain. "You're gonna get fired, I will—"

"Lauren, you aren't going to tell anyone about this unless you want to lose your job too."

"What?" Lauren quickly sits up, gaping at the blonde incredulously. "That's not fair!"

"Look, her nose is bleeding, which means you hit her back, you'll both get fired if anyone finds out— I _assure_ you."

"It was self defense!"

"She's freaking tiny compared to you, don't make things worse for yourself by telling Nana about this mess."

"Fine." Lauren mutters defeatedly before slowly getting up and limping away from the scene, obviously sore from the ass whooping I gave her.

"Are you okay?" The blonde asks me while closely inspecting my bleeding face. "I don't think you broke your nose."

"I'm fine." I brush past her and make my way to the nearest bathroom to wash away the blood, she follows me inside and stares at my reflection the whole time. "You're pretty creepy, you know that, right?"

"I just want to make sure that you're fine... You weren't kidding when you said you could take care of yourself, huh?" She chuckles, watching me with those impossibly-hazel eyes of hers. "Lauren was freaking helpless on the ground."

"Yeah, I was fine, you shouldn't have interfered..." I wash away most of the crimson color from my face, the mixture of water and blood swirling down the drain of the sink. It's probably just a shallow cut cause it isn't even bleeding anymore...

_Whatever. _

"Hey, I didn't stop the fight for you... I stopped it for poor Lauren, I felt so sorry for her." She raises both of her hands up as a sign of innocence. "You're pretty badass, huh?"

"Obviously." I scoff out before passing her and exiting the bathroom, I sigh through my nose when I see her follow me, tailing me as I retrieve my money box and make my way to my game booth. "Why are you still following me? Don't tell me you're going to hang around here again cause I _really_ can't deal with you today..."

I see a hurt look flash on her face but I force myself to ignore it, I'm not supposed to care about her anyway... She bites her upper lip awkwardly before extending her right hand towards me, which was holding my wayfarers and a small packet of tissue. "I just wanted to give you these."

"Oh, _umm_, thanks..." I purse my lips and sigh heavily. "Ugh, I'm sorry for being such a bitch, alright? I'm just having a shitty day and I didn't get a lot of sleep last night so I'm like insanely cranky."

"No worries." She nods in understanding and turns around to walk away but she quickly faces me again after a couple of seconds. "Wait, I have a question..."

"Yeah?" I try to be as patient as possible and not snap at her again.

"Go on a date with me?"

"What?"

_What the fuck?_

"A date." She reiterates with a small shrug. "You don't want to eat with me during your breaks so I was thinking of taking you out somewhere so we could eat."

"No." I tell her while furrowing my eyebrows and shaking my head.

"Why not? You eat food, don't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm _not_ going on a date with you... What the hell? I don't even know you!" I rub my eyelids with the heels of my hands, wondering if the girl I was talking to was in fact clinically insane, at least to a certain extent.

She jogs back to me and formally extends her right hand. "Hi, I'm Quinn Fabray." She shakes my hand before smiling cheekily. "Okay, now that you know me, will you go on that date with me?"

"You're insane."

"I'm really not... _I just_— I like you, okay? You're interesting and I want to take you out on _one_ date so we can get to know each other better. If you don't enjoy it, I swear I will _never_ bother you again, and I won't even pass by this booth anymore..."

"No, Quinn." I utter her name for the first time and a huge smile flashes on her face.

"Let's have another bet then, if someone wins a unicorn today... You go on a date with me."

"Nope, not happening." I shake my head adamantly, folding my arms across my chest.

"You won yesterday. Come on, just take the bet!"

"No!"

"Well if you're scared—"

"I'm _not_ scared, I just don't want you to get lucky. Plus, I _really don't_ want to go on a date with you."

"Lucky? Fine, how about you go on a date with me if _I_ win the game?"

"You can't win this game." I laugh out loud for the first time since this nonsensical conversation started—_ fucking impossible_. "Let's just drop this, please."

"If you're so sure then take the bet, Kim." She taunts, provoking me by flashing me one of her incredibly vexing smirks. "Come on, it's your chance to _finally_ get rid of me."

"Fine, but when_ I_ fucking win, you leave me alone for good, okay?" She nods and I grab the two balls, I was about to give it to her but she shook her head. "What? I thought you wanted to lose."

"I'll play and _win_ later." She smirks at me again before waving goodbye and leaving my area. _What a weirdo..._ I shake my head in confusion while reflecting on everything that happened already, and to think— the day just fucking started.

_Yeah, I was right it should be illegal to work on Sundays... _

-x-x-x-x-

It's almost closing time and _still_ no unicorn-winner. I'm actually immensely confident that Quinn won't win, the odds against her are insane...

Speaking of the blonde she's finally here.

"Hey. Do you need a ride home today?"

"Hi, nope my dad is picking me up." I quickly extend to her two of the balls to get this whole ordeal over with as soon as possible. "Why are you wearing a hoodie? It's summer, you freak."

"I'm cold." She explains obscurely before taking the balls from my hands and giving me $2 in the form of coins. "Ready?"

"Knock yourself out." I reply with a smirk then she lets out a huge sneeze, bending down all the way. I see her put one of the balls inside the pocket of her red hoodie. "Gross."

"Sorry about that." She grins and places the other ball in front of my face. "Blow on it for luck." I blow on it to speed things up, she steps back a little and aims, she winks at me cockily before throwing the ball at the bottles and knocking all three of them over. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you enjoy our date."

"How the fuck did you do that?" My jaw drops and I disbelievingly stare at Quinn, who had the biggest shit-eating grin on her face. I absentmindedly hand her one of the stuffed unicorns, my mind still processing the phenomenon. "This is _bull_—"

"Shh, I paid you the 5 bucks when I lost yesterday so you need to keep your side of the deal..." She smiles at me and sneakily tucks some of my hair behind my ear. "I'll pick you up on Tuesday at around 6PM. See you, Santana."

"_Wait_— you know my name?"

"Mrs. Kit is my grandmother, I knew your name ever since you started working here." She elucidates with a smirk before giving me a swift wink. "I like Santana a lot more than Kim by the way. Oh and, you can keep _this_ so you don't forget about our date." She hands me back the unicorn and two balls before walking away and leaving me pretty stunned.

_Wait... Two balls?_

I bend down to retrieve the ball she used— _what a fucking cheater._


	2. Chapter 2

**June 28, 2011**

The door bell buzzes and I check the time on my phone, 5:55PM. _5 minutes early, huh?_ I grab something from my bedside table before taking my sweet time going down the stairs and heading to the front door. I open the door and see a smiling Quinn, her expression quickly changes though after she gives me a once over, noting my attire.

She bites her lip awkwardly then checks the time on her wristwatch. "Hey, Santana. I know I'm like..." She glances at her watch again and frowns noticeably. "28 seconds early but I kinda thought you'd be ready by now but it's totally fine, we can be a little late." I see her shrug before extending her left hand to me, which was holding one of those big rainbow swirly lollipops. "I got this for you, I didn't know what kind of flowers you like but I figured everyone likes sweets so I got you this instead."

"Thanks, I guess it's _sweet_ that you don't care if get diabetes at an early age or not." I flash her a fake, tightlipped smile and she awkwardly shifts her feet, I see her open her mouth to say something but I beat her to it. "Don't worry, you won't be late... Your _date_ is ready." I hand her the ball she cheated with and smirk at her. "Have fun."

The door was almost closed all the way but Quinn placed her foot in between it and its frame. I let out a big sigh before swinging it open again and rolling my eyes at her. "Quinn, there is _no way_ in hell that I'm going with you on a _'date'_." I shudder while saying the last word, just to show her how serious I was about not wanting to go. "First of all, you cheated so I _don't have_ to go, and second, I don't like you in that way so I _don't_ _want_ to go."

I see her face visibly deflate and I feel bad for a split second before realizing that I have no reason to feel bad... _Whatever, right? She's no one._

"Look, I know I was an asshole for cheating and I'm sorry but I just really wanted to take you out, alright?" She frowns and I feel something weird in my chest but I ignore it. "Please, Santana? I know this whole thing must seem strange to you but I've never wanted to get to know someone _this_ much so come on, go with me. It doesn't even have to be a date anymore— just two co-workers hanging out."

_It's tempting, it really is but_— _nah._ I shake my head again and then I hear her sigh sadly. "I can't, alright? You're really nice but I can't give you what you're asking for right now..."

"I'm not asking for much."

"Still can't do it." I send her a small sorta-apologetic smile because she really looks disappointed and I was still feeling that weird feeling in my chest... I wasn't going to say_ 'sorry' _out loud though, my pride won't let me do that. "Go home, Quinn. I'll just see you in Fantascape on Friday, alright?"

"I- _umm_— please..." She whispers out, almost inaudibly, before shaking her head, taking a deep breath and smiling at me. "Yeah, I'll see you on Friday. Thanks for the— _time?_ Mm, thanks for the time, Santana."

"Sure." I give her a thumbs up and another tight smile before shutting the door completely since her foot wasn't in the way anymore. I watch through the small peephole as she kicks the ground out of frustration and groans before walking back to her car.

I don't feel guilty, nope, not at all...

-x-x-x-x-

My phone starts ringing an hour later and at first I thought it was Quinn but then I realize she doesn't even have my number. I search all over my bed, trying to find the little buzzing gadget— **BROOKE PRINCE **is flashing on the screen, accompanied by a picture of a girl with light brown hair and captivating gray eyes._ I should really take down that picture..._ I let it ring for a while before begrudgingly sliding my thumb over the screen to answer the call.

"What do you want, Brooke?" I ask in an emotionless voice followed by an exaggerated sigh, I rub at my eyes, feeling significantly despondent all of a sudden.

_"Hello to you too."_

"Brooke..."

_"I just wanted to talk, okay? How are you? I haven't heard from you in a while..."_

"We talked last Saturday."

_"S, we used to talk everyday..."_

"Emphasis on the word_ 'used'_, past tense." I tell her through gritted teeth, futilely willing away my memories with her. "If we're just going to make small talk, I'm not really in the mood so— "

_"I miss you, baby."_

"Ugh. Brooke." I groan out loudly while fighting the urge to throw my phone across the room, or to punch something until my knuckles bruise. "You need to stop saying shit like that."

_"Why? It's the truth, I miss you so much." _The perceptible change in her voice signals me that she's probably close to crying right now— _we know each other too well..._ I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, battling with my instinctive urge to comfort her._ "Santana, this is stupid, just come home..."_

"I _can't_, I'll see you in school, B." I try my best to sound like my own eyes weren't tearing up... It's unreal how a person can be so important to you that their pain somehow becomes your pain. I take in a sharp breath through my nose, biting my inner cheek to prevent myself from sounding weak.

_"This isn't fair, S. You're being so unreasonable, you should just— "_

"Don't you fucking dare talk to me about how things are _unfair_... You're the one who did this to us!" I clench my jaw out of anger, reflexive tears rolling down my cheeks. "Ugh, I have to go."

_"Fine whatever, but don't expect me to wait for you."_

"Fuck that, you don't have to worry cause I don't expect shit from you." I chuckle rather bitterly before hanging up, I wipe the back of my hand over my wet eyes, forcing myself to stop crying like an idiot. I unlock my phone and begin deleting pictures, text messages, voice recordings, videos, anything that reminded me of what we were— _of what we had._ I land on a specific video of Brooke and I taken a couple of months ago, I click play to watch it one more time and feed the masochist in me.

_"What are you doing, silly?" I ask before kissing Brooke on her cheek and burying my face into her neck. We were sitting on my bed, my back against the headboard with Brooke leaning on me, sitting in between my outstretched legs. She was holding my _iPhone_ and videoing us using the front camera._

_"I want to remember us just like this." She giggles before cupping my cheek with her free hand and forcing me to look into her amazingly gray eyes. She leans in and plants a chaste kiss on my lips before giggling even more and winking at me. Fucking adorable... She looks into the camera and glares cutely. "If you're watching this and you aren't Santana... Give my best friend back her phone!"_

_"You're insane, you know that right?" I tease, nudging my nose against the side of her face. _

_"Mhmm." She hums then kisses me on the corner of my mouth. "But you totally love meee."_

_"Hmm, kinda, I guess." I chuckle when she directs her 'angry' glare at me. "I mean I really do, I love you, Brooke Prince."_

_She grins before moving the camera closer so the frame only had our faces in it. "You heard that? She loves me, which means she's mine!" She unceremoniously drops the phone, not really caring about the fact it was still recording, and holds my face with both of her hands. "Naw, I love you too, S." Her lips press into mine and we just get lost in each other, disappearing in the feeling of tongues and teeth moving together in practiced perfection._

I play the agonizing video like one more time, _maybe three.._. And, then blissful sleep expediently takes over, putting a stop to the pain for a while.

Sleep is the most accessible and healthiest anaesthetic.

-x-x-x-x-

I wake up because of the doorbell— _freaking piece of shit._ It's only a bit past 9:30PM so it can't be my dad since he's working the late shift at the hospital tonight. Plus, he _obviously_ doesn't need to use the goddamn doorbell, he has a fucking key.

**[**Bzzzt**] **

_There's the doorbell again..._ I sigh before kicking off the soft sheets covering my body and climbing out of my bed. I feel my stomach grumble due to hunger and I blame Brooke for making me skip dinner._ I blame her for a lot of things actually... _Grrr, maybe I should make a sandwich or something. I absentmindedly open the front door but when I look out there was no one there.

_If this is a stupid prank..._

I hear a honking sound and see Quinn's sleek black car by my driveway. I'm about to shout and ask her why the fuck she was there but she rolls down her window and points to my feet, I look down and see a Breadstix paper bag, sitting on my porch. She beeps again then waves at me goodbye before driving off. I pick up the bag and head back inside, I bring the bag to the kitchen and check it out.

A container of spaghetti, a container of salad, a shitload of breadsticks and a slice of cake. _Well, d__amn... S_o much for making a sandwich— I briefly think about letting my pride get in the way and chucking everything into the trash but that would be such a waste and I _am_ hungry._ Oh well, it's not like Quinn would know I ate it, right? _I shrug and mutter out a_ 'fuck it'_ before opening the packages and eating the food.

Holy shit, Breadstix is amazing— their breadsticks are amazing. I really hate to admit it but Quinn's surprise is incredibly convenient and fairly sweet in like an irritating way... _Gah, it's hard to explain. _I start cleaning up and a yellow piece of paper catches my eye. A part of me knows that I shouldn't even bother reading it but I was already too intrigued to stop myself... I'm pretty sure that the messy penmanship held answers of some sort so I pull the sticky note off of the paper bag and read what's written.

_Santana,_

_I still can't believe we didn't end up going out tonight, what a waste. :( Alright, since you refuse to go to the food, I brought the food to you! I hope you like it, I would've let your ordered whatever you wanted but I guess what I picked out just has to do for tonight. If ever you don't like it, there's always next time. ;) Summer break is long, I'm sure you'll go out with me at least once... I'll see you in Fantascape. Goodnight, Santana Lopez. :)_

_Q_

I read the note like one more time, _maybe three_. It was cute in the dorkiest way possible, okay? Not that I would ever tell Quinn that... It would just inflate her ego then she'd annoy me even more than she already does. It was nice gesture though and it got me to stop thinking about Brooke for a while. _Fine..._ I'll thank Quinn when I see her on Friday.

After throwing out the trash and cleaning up, I head back up to my room and open my laptop. I type in_ 'Quinn Fabray' _in the search box of Facebook.

_No results found for your query.  
__Check your spelling or try another term._

Who the fuck doesn't have Facebook? Ugh, it doesn't matter cause it's not like I would've added her as a friend anyway... Come on, I don't want to be her fucking friend in real life— what more on the internet? I kinda just wanted to maybe see a picture of her or something, get a few clues so I could figure out who Quinn Fabray _really_ is. Whatever, I'm seeing her again in a couple of days anyway, and it's not like she matters to me or something.

_Fuck no... _

What she did for me tonight was just kinda, sorta sweet and unexpected... That's all.

No biggie.

**July 1, 2011**

"Santana, come down!"

"One second, dad!" I yell back from my room, my voice resounding through the whole house._ Geeze, chill the fuck out... _He impatiently shouts for me to hurry up once again, I clench my jaw in exasperation, pissed at the fact that he's rushing me like crazy. I grab my backpack and hastily run down the stairs with a scowl fixed on my face. "Why are you in such a—" I freeze as soon as I realize that my dad isn't alone in our living room. "Quinn, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Good morning, San." She greets me cheerfully, her signature grin adorning her pale features. _Hold up, did she just call me by my nickname?_ I raise an eyebrow, feeling a mixture of confusion and irritation, before shifting my attention to my dad for answers.

"What is she doing here?"

"Tana, behave." He scolds me sternly, sending Quinn an apologetic look. "Excuse my daughter, she's not really a morning person."

"It's fine Mr. L." Quinn smiles at him politely and I shoot them both a look which clearly says_ 'what the fuck is going on?_', I adjust the straps of my bag, tilting my head toward my left shoulder. "I'm here to take you to work." Quinn states matter-of-factly, still flashing me her supposedly charming smile. "You ready to go?"

"I'm not going with you..." I deadpan before telling my dad that _he_ was driving me to Fantascape as per usual.

"Tana, Quinn made the effort to come over and pick you up so be nice... And also, you came down rather late today so I can't drop you off at Fantascape without being late for my shift this morning. You need to ride with her or else you're going to have to walk..."

I give him an incredulous look before defiantly shaking my head. "Fine, I'm walking then..." I groan angrily before stomping out of the front door, I hear Quinn bid my dad a courteous goodbye before the sound of quick and light steps fills the air. _Way t__oo early for this shit..._ I feel her fingers wrap around my wrist and I swiftly turn around to curse her out, aiming to finally vent out my increasing rage towards her. "What the _fu_—"

"Shh, stop being so stubborn and get in my damn car... If you walk to Fantascape, we're both going to be late, tired and sweaty— there's really no upside in walking so quit being so hard-headed and let me drive you there."

"No." I say through gritted teeth, shaking off her grip and determinedly walking away. To my surprise she doesn't follow me, I guess she got sick of me bitching at her... _Well, finally._ I begin the long trip to Fantascape, I was just about to space out when I noticed a familiar car driving really slowly right beside the sidewalk I was on. The window of the passenger's side was rolled down and Quinn was glancing between me and the road every few seconds."What the fuck are you doing?"

"I would walk with you but that means I'd have to leave my car at your place and if I do that I won't be able to drive you home tonight..."

"So you're planning to drive beside me the whole time?" I ask her in a tone, which clearly showed how stupid I thought her idea was. "And what makes you think you're driving me home tonight?"

"Nope." She makes a popping sound at the end of the word before smirking. "Just until you stop this nonsense and finally get in the car... You know it's the smart thing to do, San."

_Thanks for completely ignoring my second question... _

"We're not friends, we're barely even acquaintances, you really shouldn't be giving me nicknames." I roll my eyes and shake my head frustratedly. _Just ignore her, Santana... She isn't worth the stress. _I move farther away from the main road and take out my phone to distract myself from the annoyingly persistent blonde loser.

"_Ouch__, _fine, I'll wait until we get closer _then_ I'll start calling you 'San'..." She says nonchalantly, maintaining her unbelievably slow driving speed. "Aren't your legs getting tired? Come on already... It's probably going to be another 30 minutes if you keep walking, just get in the car, Santana."

"If I get in the car... Promise me you'll keep quiet during the _entire_ ride." I stop in my tracks and she steps on the brakes. I watch as she nods her head before pretending to zip up her lips, throwing away the imaginary key for good measure. "Ugh, just get us there quickly." I hear her hum in accordance as soon as I climb in the car, she mouths_ 'seatbelt'_ and I clip it on before crossing my arms over my chest. I try to keep my eyes off of her and the shit-eating grin plastered on her face during the drive to Fantascape.

_Wipe that fucking smile off your face, Fabray. _

-x-x-x-x-

Quinn drops me home after work in spite of my best efforts to dissuade her, the ride to my place was full of our usual banter and if I'm being completely honest with myself, it wasn't _that_ bad... Quinn can be kinda _tolerable_, I guess.

Anyway, I really wish I had some sort of go-to-place in Lima, that way I wouldn't have to be home all the time... And, maybe Brooke and I would finally stop being at each other's throats— _ah __fuck_, I'm so done with our endless bullshit.

I just can't take it anymore.

**July 2, 2011**

I don't have the patience nor the energy to argue with Quinn this morning... Like yesterday, she was already waiting for me once I made it down the stairs. She greets me with a bright grin and a way too happy_ 'good morning'_, I nod my head slightly to show that I at least heard her. I'm in no mood to fight with either of them (my dad and Quinn), so I immediately concede when they both tell me to enter Quinn's car.

I'm too tired to function today.

The early morning car ride is quiet, the silence this time around is different though, it was awkward and uncomfortable. I know she wants to ask why my eyes looked the way they did or why I seem so damn tired. I don't want talk about it though so I'm glad she's not bringing it up.

_I would've just lied if she did anyway..._

I mumble a distracted thanks when she drops me off at the entrance of the amusement park. I start my day off like I usually do, by visiting Mrs. Kit and getting my money box. I try to return the smile the nice lady was giving me but I just _couldn't_ so I settled for giving her a casual thumbs up and leaving her workspace as quickly as possible.

I didn't want her to ask me what was wrong...

I head to my booth and slump down onto my chair, my face instantly landing on my arm, which was resting on the wooden counter._ I just want to forget everything, to get rid of all the perplexing and anxiety-inducing thoughts that were clouding my brain..._ I partly wish I never met Brooke, or like nothing ever happened between us, then my life would be so fucking simple.

I don't know _why_ I'm even at work right now, I should've just skipped today but then again, that would've meant spending the whole day alone at home— _with no distractions... _It would've led to me over thinking everything again and replaying all the memories that I desperately want to get rid of.

_How is it that after everything that happened... I still feel guilty over hurting her?_

I regret answering her Skype call last night. I regret seeing her face again. I regret listening to her apologies.

But what I regret the _most_ is causing her pain... Even if she hurt me first.

A light tap on my forearm brings me back into the real world and away from all the Brooke-related thoughts that were slowly killing me. I look up and see Quinn standing in front of me with a concerned expression written all over her face. "What is it, Fabray?"

"Nothing really, do I ever come here with a definite topic?" She chuckles and I shrug absentmindedly, I notice that she's biting her lower lip, obviously unsure how to interact with me in my current state. _I probably look so damn defeated— so fucking weak..._ "What, no bitchy comments today? Come on, Lopez, where are the insults? I'm sure there's something wrong with how I look, right? Call me annoying..."

"Not today, okay?" I say in an uncharacteristically soft tone and she stays quiet for a while. We're just both looking each other in the eye before I break our staring contest. _I didn't want my eyes to reveal how broken I really was..._ "How much longer till the kids come?"

"About 10 more minutes..." I nod before burying my face once more into my arm, I just want to shut the rest of the world out. "Santana?" I look up again before sighing heavily. "Can I do anything to make you feel better?"

"Yeah, just leave me alone for a bit, okay?" I request gently, I know she understands but I can still see the hurt flash on her pale face. I take in a deep breath before using a lot of my left-over energy to muster up a tiny smile. "I'm sorry, I'm pretty out of it today... I'm still riding with you tonight though."

"Good." She sends me a soft smile before walking away. "See you later then, Santana."

-x-x-x-x-

...

**_Santana Lopez: _**_No more games, B._

**_Brooke Prince: _**_I'm not fucking playing games! _

**_Brooke Prince: _**_Can you just sign back in on Skype. Stop walking away from me while I'm talking to you!_

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ You can't walk away in Skype, genius. Plus, I 'walked away' from you weeks ago._

**_Brooke Prince: _**_You don't think that I'm sorry for what happened? I am, Santana! You fucking KNOW how sorry I am. You're acting like what we had was nothing, is it that easy to get rid of me?_

**_Santana Lopez: _**_STOP. You keep twisting the story, you're the one who acted like we were nothing. It was all just for fun, right? Well B, sometimes 'sorry' isn't enough._

**_Brooke Prince: _**_I love you._

**_Brooke Prince:_**_ Just come home, I'm sure we can still fix this..._

**_Santana Lopez: _**_Too late._

**_Brooke Prince_**_: Well fuck you then._

I scroll through the messages again... Answering that Skype call last night was really a bad idea. I don't know why it's _so_ hard to resist her, like I want to but I just _can't_. The messages were fine— they hurt but I could take the cursing and the anger. The voicemail she sent hours later was what killed me though... I hate it when she's sad because I swore to myself that I'd do everything I could to make sure that she was always happy. That was a year ago though and time is a funny thing...

_It changes everything._

I check the time on my phone and I had roughly around 15 more minutes left on my break. Like always, I was chilling by one of the broken rides in the deserted area of Fantascape— no one was ever here and I liked eating in peace. I debate with myself for a while before just going for it, I click play on her voicemail and I try my best not to cry again.

It's not that I _like_ getting hurt, it's not that I _like_ feeling pain— I'm just really lost at the moment and my mind is everywhere... _So maybe listening to her words again would help me figure/straighten things out?_ I don't know, _fuck_, I need someone to tell me what to do, someone to help me decide between wrong and right.

_"Okay... You probably hate me right now, I know this is the biggest and longest fight we've ever had and I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to lose you, I know in a way I probably already did but I don't know_— _I feel like I still have a part of you? I'm still holding onto that slim chance that we will be able to fix all of this. You once promised me forever, I hope you didn't forget about that."_ She doesn't say anything for a while, she probably forgot that it was still recording. _Typical Brooke..._ I could hear her uneven breathing though, also the erratic sobs every now and then. She realizes after a while, her voice sounding a lot shakier this time around... _"Oh shit_—_ just talk to me when you're ready, okay? You mean so much to me, trust me even if it's hard, I know that we'll be fine in the end... It's always going to be us, you know that. I love you, good night, S."_

At least my reaction isn't as bad as it was last night... _Good job, Santana. _My eyes are teary and painful though, and I know that if I were in the safety of my bedroom right now I'd be crying like a baby again.

I can't let anyone see me like _that_ though.

I'm supposed to be badass, I'm supposed to be strong.

I wipe away the tears that were threatening to spill out before composing myself by inhaling and exhaling deeply. I quickly delete the emotional voicemail and clear my message inbox before heading back to my booth.

_I need time._

-x-x-x-x-

Quinn stops her car in my street and I flash her a tiny smile, I know it's more than enough for her though. I start walking to my house but she calls out my name. I turn around and raise an eyebrow at her direction. "Thanks for _umm,_ letting me drive you home." She gives me that dorky grin of hers, the one that slightly makes me want to punch her in the face. I shake my head before sighing, I could feel a stupid smile playing on my lips though.

"You're such a weirdo." I reply with a smirk and she grins even bigger.

"_Finally_ an insult, damn you're seriously losing your game, Lopez. I hope you bring it tomorrow..."

"Count on it, Fabray"

**July 3, 2011**

I'm not really sure how _this_ happened but right now I'm inside Quinn's car and we're currently heading somewhere that _isn't_ Fantascape. _Ugh._ This is exactly why I didn't want to ride with this girl from the start...

She's insane.

_No really, I think she is..._

"Stop the car and let me off, Quinn!"

"No." She says in a cheeky tone, her eyes still on the road. It's not like I'm legitimately scared or anything... _She wouldn't hurt me, right? _"Relax, Santana... I'm not going to kill you and then bury your body somewhere." I hear her follow that up with a chuckle..._ Nice._ "Okay, that wasn't funny but seriously relax. I won't hurt you, I promise. I knew you wouldn't have agreed if I told you where we were going and this makes everything simpler."

"Quinn, this is fucking kidnapping!" I shout out before reaching for my phone. Hmm, maybe she would turn the car around if I said I was going to call someone—_ like the police?_

"No, I told Mr. L that I was going to _borrow_ you for the day." She grins smugly and I raise an eyebrow, wondering what the hell was wrong with my father for trusting someone like Quinn. "And don't worry, there are people covering for the both of us at work... I planned everything out, so all you really need to do is sit back and enjoy."

"Is this your way of getting back at me for not going on that date?"

"Nope, this is my way of getting you to _go_ on a date."

"This isn't fair!"

"Hey, I just want you to be happy... You're on summer break, you should at least enjoy part of it."

"You think forcing me to go on a stupid date will make me enjoy my vacation?"

_Well that's idiotic..._

I hear her sigh audibly before pulling over, she faces me with a frown on her face. "Do you really want to head back? Before you answer... I promise that if you decide to continue with what I have planned today, then you'll have fun. All I want to do is make you happy, even for a little while, alright?" I hate the fact that you could see how sincere she was in her hazel eyes...They were seriously shining with a mixture of hope, excitement, happiness and a bit of fear. After a couple moments of intense silence, she lets out a deep breath before nervously asking her next question. "So... Can we please keep going?"

"Fine!" I huff loudly, raising both my arms up in defeat before folding them over my chest. "But I _swear_, Fabray... No funny business."

"No worries, I got you." She winks at me, restarting the car and veering back into the middle of the road. I shake my head and try my best not to smile whenever she'd make some lame joke or comment during the car ride. I open the Twitter app on my phone—_ this was one of those things you just have to tweet about, okay..._

㈟0**SantanaLopez: **Help! I'm being kidnapped. :o Kidding but I SRSLY don't know where I'm going.. Quinn please dont make me regret this!

I wonder if Quinn has a Twitter account... Well, if she doesn't have Facebook, then she probably doesn't have a Twitter. Also even if she did, I probably wouldn't mention her username— some of my followers are_ way too_ nosy for their own good. I send the tweet before focusing on the road again.

_Where the fuck are we?_

"How much longer?"

"An hour and a half, maybe?"

"What? Where the fuck are we going? We've been driving for around an hour already." I whine and she chuckles, glancing at me for a second. "It's not funny."

"Sorry, you're right, it's _not_ funny but you're so cute when you're all whiney." She comments and I ignore the feeling of blood rushing to my cheeks. "Santana, you need to relax and trust me... Stop questioning everything and just go with the flow, you'll enjoy life more that way." I don't really know how to reply to what she just said so I roll my eyes and keep relatively quiet until we reach our destination.

_Maybe this random trip is exactly what I need..._

-x-x-x-x-

"I thought you said you _weren't_ going to kill me?"

"You're not going to _die_, Santana." She states with a smirk before removing her top and her shorts, I realize that her body is pretty nice. It was lean and it— _What the hell? Snap out of it, Lopez._ I shake my head to clear it before looking at Quinn again, making sure to keep my eyes on her face and _only_ her face. "You ready?"

"No... I'm not jumping off a cliff, Quinn. You're fucking crazy."

"It's going to be amazing, Santana, I promise that you won't regret it. Plus, it's summer you _have to _go swimming, it's like a law or something."

I defiantly shake my head again, stepping backwards and distancing myself from the edge of the cliff. "I don't even have bikini! There's no fucking way you're going to get me to jump."

"I brought you one!" She informs me in a way that screamed that she was obviously pleased with herself for being so goddamn prepared, before reaching inside her bag for one of _my_ bikinis. "Your dad grabbed it while you were in the shower this morning."

"What the fuck?" I ask in an annoyed tone. _Seriously, who likes having their stuff touched by other people? Not me. _"Why are you so weird?"

"It wasn't easy for me, okay? Do you know how awkward it is to ask a grown man to get one of his daughter's bikinis? He didn't even really know which one so he brought down like every single swimsuit you owned. This one seemed more appropriate than one of the Disney ones though." Quinn wiggles the swimsuit in front of my face and I snatch it away from her, exasperation evident on my face. "This place is empty so it's safe to change, I _swear_ I won't look."

"You expect me to change... _Here?_" She just nods sombrely and shrugs before turning away. "I'm not doing this."

"Yes, you are." She retorts stubbornly— I find it so weird dealing with someone as hardheaded as I am... Ugh.

"Quinn..."

"If you don't change into that bikini, you're going to jump in the clothes that you're wearing now... Your choice."

"I fucking hate you."

-x-x-x-x-

I don't know how it happened exactly but right now I'm free-falling.

My body lancing through the air, towards the expanse of clear blue water below me.

I know we spent like at least half an hour on the edge of the cliff. Quinn kept trying to convince me to jump and I kept telling her to give me some more time... I'm not entirely sure what_ pushed_ me to just go for it. _Oh, before you get the wrong idea..._ Quinn didn't _physically_ push me, she wanted to but she didn't. She just stood there supportively, saying everything that she could to put my mind at ease and calm me down.

I can't really describe what I'm feeling right now. _I feel so— light?_ Like all of my problems are gone, as if nothing is weighing me down. I know the actual fall lasts only a couple of seconds but it feels longer—_ a lot fucking longer._

I feel free, like I can breathe properly for the first time in weeks.

_Splash._

My body collides with the water and it feels like I'm jolting awake from a deep slumber. As if the falling part was some vivid dream, like I actually escaped reality for a few seconds. _It was so amazing... _I squint up and see Quinn on the cliff, asking me if I'm okay, I give her a thumbs up and she grins before confidently jumping off the cliff. She screams all the way down and I grin cause it really is amusing how childlike she was.

_Well, sometimes. _

I watch her fall and I swear it was _really_ fast— you would even miss most of it if you blink once, so I don't know why it felt _so_ long while I was falling... But all I know is—_ I want to do it again._

"So... How do you feel?"

"Happy." I didn't even have to think of my answer... _It just came out._ I beam at Quinn before swimming back to the shore. "Race you up the cliff, Fabray!" I shout over my shoulder before running up the path.

_I want to fly again._

-x-x-x-x-

_3 missed calls—_ **BROOKE PRINCE**

**_Brooke Prince:_**_ Who the fuck is Quinn?_

If it were any other day I would answer her question, maybe I'd even call her back. Not today though...

_Today, I'm happy._

Oh and by the way, I guess I was wrong— Quinn Fabray isn't _that_ bad...


	3. Chapter 3

**July 8, 2011**

I woke up extra early today, I don't know why but I just did. I even had enough time for an early morning jog... Now I'm sitting on my porch, holding my phone while waiting for Quinn to pick me up. We've never had a _'real' _conversation about this whole carpool thing but it's like understood already. She picks me up in the morning and she brings me home at night. Whatever, it's not like I would win if I _tried_ to fight it— she's even more hardheaded than I am. Oh well, it's not _that_ bad anyway... Plus, it helps out my dad since his work schedule is always so tight.

I go through my Twitter mentions and I read random _'Imy'_-s from my friends back home in Seattle. Also, some reactions to my_ 'kidnapping' _tweet. _People are funny... _That's why I don't tweet that much, some people are always trying to figure out the story behind whatever it is that you post on the site.

_140 character limit, people..._

And I really don't feel like I need to explain anything to anyone—_ it's my life_. I check my timeline and of course _her_ name catches my attention. _What if I unfollow her? _I already stopped replying to her texts— unfollowing her seems like a good next step...

_Hmm._

㈟0**BROOKEthePRINCEss: **Who remembers what happened last night? I dont.. LOL. Such a fun party! Whoever wasn't there missed out for sure!

_Cool._

So she's spending her summer partying back home with all our friends and I'm spending my summer working in Ohio.

_That's cool._

㈟0**SantanaLopez: **Best. Summer. Vacation. Ever.

I'm evil but whatever, I _want_ her to think that I'm enjoying myself too. Brooke is kinda the jealous and possessive type, it gets annoying sometimes but I really liked it when we were _sorta-kinda-together_. It's nice knowing that someone likes you _that_ much...

㈟0**BROOKEthePRINCEss:** ㈟2**SantanaLopez** nice to know you're not losing your phone... REPLY TO ME!

I sent out the tweet like less than a minute ago and she's _already_ reacting..._ Told you so._

㈟0**PartylikeArtie:** ㈟2**BROOKEthePRINCEss** ㈟2**SantanaLopez** Oy, I haven't seen you 2 together the whole summer.. Satan, where you at? :o

㈟0**BROOKEthePRINCEss:** ㈟2**PartylikeArtie** ㈟2**SantanaLopez** She's missing, apparently a 'Quinn' kidnapped her.

Her latest tweet made me roll my eyes—_ typical Brooke_.

㈟0**SantanaLopez: **㈟2**PartylikeArtie** I'm not in town, Stubbles! I bet you miss me already. Haha see you all in August!

** BROOKEthePRINCE: **㈟2**SantanaLopez** AUGUST? Stop ignoring me.

㈟0**PartylikeArtie: **㈟2**SantanaLopez** See you, Satan. LOL. ㈟2**BROOKEthePRINCEss**, you need to chill out girl!

_Exactly, B... Listen to the cripple! _I chuckle quietly as I scan through my mentions again...

Well, she looks stupid.

Nope, I have no plans on replying to her or even acknowledging her existence.

Quinn's car finally gets here and the blonde's wearing an apologetic expression on her face. I get up and head to her after stuffing my phone into my pocket. "Hey, Santana. Sorry I'm late I had to drop off _Lu_— I had to drop off something."

"It's fine." I shrug my shoulders and she starts the car up again.

"Oh, I got you something." She hands me a brown paper bag and I look at her curiously. "It's like the _best_ blueberry muffin ever." Quinn says with a huge grin adorning her features. "It's really bad to skip breakfast so _yeah_..."

"You're a freak."

"I was expecting a _'thank you' _but okay, I'll take what I can get, I guess." She shakes her head, obviously irritated to an extent, and I feel sorta mean... _Damn it. _"Oh and seatbelt."

I clip on my buckle before taking out the pastry and biting from it. _Oh God, yum._ "Thanks, Quinn." I mumble out through a mouthful of heaven. I see a small smile flash on her face and the guilty feeling fades... I finish off the muffin before we even get to Fantascape. "_Umm_, well thanks for the ride and _uhh_— breakfast." I say awkwardly before climbing out of her car.

"Anytime, Santana."

-x-x-x-x-

"Hey, what time is your break?" Quinn asks me and I check my phone.

"In like 5 minutes, why?"

"Okay, come on." She extends her hand to me and I raise an eyebrow before ignoring it and jumping over the counter of my booth without her help. I place the _'Be right back!'_ sign on the surface before following Quinn.

"Where are we going?"

"My ride." Quinn smirks before leading me to the other side of the amusement park, where all the big rides were. We end up in front of a ride called 'SPACESCAPE', it was a large orbiter that had 8 arms. I see a 'SORRY, MAINTENANCE. :(' sign on top of the controls. "You ready?"

I stare at her with wide eyes, my eyebrows scrunched up in confusion and apprehension. "Are you trying to kill me _again_, Fabray? I can read that sign, you know..."

"Oh, _that_..." She picks it up and unceremoniously drops it on the floor. "For some reason, I lost my_ 'Be right back!'_ one so I just use that one whenever I'm not around." Quinn explains with a sheepish grin. "And it's better when you get to ride it without random kids screaming around you, think of it as a VIP ride on Spacescape!"

"Yeah... _Uhh_— I don't think so." I shake my head recalcitrantly. "No way am I riding that thing."

"Yo Santana, are you scared or something?" Ugh— a_nnoying Fabray smirk alert! _"Who knew someone _so_ badass such as yourself would be scared of some ride for kids." She wiggles her eyebrows teasingly to goad me and I grit my teeth, trying my best to resist the challenge but my pride is such a bitch sometimes.

"I'm not scared! It's not like I have a fear of heights, I jumped off your fucking cliff, didn't I?" I ask in annoyance, looking up once more to study the arguably frightening-looking machine. "I just don't trust shit like that... So many things can go wrong."

"It's safe, Santana..."

"You're going to be manning the controls while I'm riding alone?" I ask with a quirked eyebrow, thinking I found a loophole. "You're crazy if you think I'd risk my life to entertain you."

"Fair enough, wait one second." She runs off before I could say anything else, I look up at the ride one more time, feeling an inexplicable shiver travel down my spine. _Gulp._ Quinn just _had_ to be in charge of one of the scariest rides out here, huh? "Santana, Noah here is going to control the ride and I'm going to be with you."

"Hi, Santana." The toned boy with the Mohawk smiles at me friendlily. "I'm Noah Puckerman." He extends his hand towards me and I shake it before nervously gazing at Spacescape again. _I'm really not scared, I just don't know if I can trust whoever made this shit... _"You know, Quinn could just stay down here and I could be the one to—"

"Shut up, Noah." Quinn growls at him and my eyebrows rise up a fraction since I've never seen or heard the blonde's aggressive side before. I don't dwell on it though since my mind was still thinking about the death-ride that I'm not going to be able to avoid going on without looking like a total pussy. "Ready, Santana?"

"Yeah, whatever." I say coolly, trying my best to hide my nervousness. We sit in the first cart and my left leg starts shaking a little. "You're sure this is safe?"

"Well it hasn't killed anyone..._ Yet._" She winks at me before giving Noah a thumbs up, he starts up the ride and my eyes go wide. At first we were just lifted up in the air but then everything started spinning, then it just kept going faster and faster... _Fuck. _I feel like puking my guts out right now, this isn't fun... "You okay?"

"No!" I shout out and she laughs loudly. The ride speeds up even more and now my left hand has to hold onto something because it doesn't want to stop shaking... It settles for a paler hand, Quinn's hand. I start squeezing it tightly, interlacing our fingers. I swear I'd deny it when this ride stops but— holding her hand made me feel more at ease.

It was calming in a way...

_Shh._

The fucked up ride finally stops and both my legs feel like jelly... I don't know if I'm even standing up properly. _Why did I do that again? _"Told you I wasn't scared." I tell Quinn and Noah boastfully, sounding as tough as I could.

She closes the gap between us and leans in to whisper something into my ear. "Yeah, don't worry, the whole squeezing my hand thing is our little secret."

"Fuck you."

"I'd love to see that!" Noah pipes in and we both glare at him, I flip him off playfully and Quinn calls him an idiot. "What? That would be so hot..." I chuckle when Quinn smacks the back of his head and they both start arguing like children.

I think it might be possible for me to actually start liking it here...Well, at least to a _certain_ extent.

Whatever.

-x-x-x-x-

"Quinn dropped you home again today?" My dad asks while we were eating dinner and I nodded. "Well, that's really nice of her."

"Yeah." I say absentmindedly while moving the leftover food around the plate with my fork.

He clears his throat and I look up, giving him my full attention. "Tana, you should know that—" There's a pause and he shakes his head. "You should always wear your seatbelt, alright? Safety first."

"Huh?" I would question him more but I wasn't really in the mood to talk so I just shrugged in response, accepting the random sensible piece of advice. "Yeah, sure _whatever_. Is it alright if I go to my room now?"

"Okay, Tana." He's frowning but I'm fucking exhausted so I want to hide out in my room and work on getting a decent amount of sleep tonight. I know my dad is trying _really_ hard to work on our father-daughter relationship while I'm in Lima for the break, but whenever we find the time to hang out, I'm always so drained so the improvement is barely tangible.

I promise I'll try harder though, just not tonight...

**July 9, 2011**

I could see Quinn's car from the living room window. I yell out a _'bye, dad' _before walking out of the front door. I tried to enter the car but Quinn was blocking my way so I couldn't. _What the hell?_ "Quinn, what are you doing? It's so early, I'm not in the mood for games."

"Well _umm_, I just wanted to let you know before you get in the car that someone else is riding with us today." She says nervously and I raise an eyebrow curiously. _Huh? _"My- _uh, err_— my cousin is riding with us today. She wants to spend the day in Fantascape and Nana left too early so she's going with us."

"Okay..." I don't understand why she's acting so weird... Cool, she's giving someone else a ride— _so what?_ It isn't like we weren't all going to fit inside the four-seater car. "So can we go now?"

"Yeah, sure." The passenger's side of the car is nearer to us so she opens my door for me before jogging back to the other side to get in. I look back even before closing the door, my eyes landing on a little girl with blonde hair and hazel eyes— exactly like Quinn's.

_Aww, the kid is pretty cute... _Wait, _no_, she's a mini version of Quinn and Quinn _isn't_ cute. _  
_

Ugh, fine! The kid in the car is cute but her older cousin isn't— _there, settled. _The car starts moving but my eyes remain on the little girl, my eyes flitting up and down to take in her appearance. "Well, introduce yourself." Quinn says to no one in particular.

"Hi there, I'm _San_—" I start but a smaller voice cuts me off.

"My name is Lucy." She says before grinning at me widely. "What's yours?"

"Santana Lopez." I genuinely smile back, immediately taking a strange liking to the younger blonde.

"Ouch." I hear Quinn groan and I fix my position so I was facing the road again. "_Ahh_— it hurts." Quinn says loudly and I raise an eyebrow, figuring out if was going to bite the bullet and entertain Quinn and her bewildering larks.

"What the _f_—" I fake a cough when I realize what was about to come out of my mouth. _There's a kid, Santana!_ "What's wrong, Quinn?" I hear the annoying blonde to my right chuckle at my _almost_ slip-up.

"You gave her your real name the first time she asked for it while I got the whole_ Kardashian-treatment_, and that kinda hurt." She places a hand over her chest dramatically causing Lucy to giggle and an unintentional smile to grace my lips. "Santana, seatbelt." Quinn reminds me when she notices that I wasn't strapped in, I quickly comply to be a good example more than anything else. "Lucy, how'd you get her to give you her name so easily?"

"I don't know, maybe she likes me."

I beam at how adorable Lucy is, bobbing my head in agreement. "You're right, I do like you."

"Aww, I like you too, Santana. You're like super nice, cool and pretty!" I grin even wider because of all the compliments, I tell her that I think that she's also super nice, cool and pretty.

"_Oww_ Lucy, are you replacing me with Santana or something?"

"Maybe." The kid in the back singsongs and I smirk. I really think I'm going to get along with this kid, Quinn pretends to clutch her heart again and Lucy giggles once more. I laugh this time around— _it was pretty funny, okay? _The car ride was full of amusing conversations and comments oh and let's not forget— breakfast muffins.

"How old are you, Lucy?" I ask right before we reach the drop-off point of Fantascape.

"Five."

-x-x-x-x-

"Santana!" I see Lucy running towards my booth, dragging Quinn after her. "Hi there!"

"Hey, Lucy." I smile at her before giving Quinn a small wave. "What's up?"

"I asked Quinn if you could have lunch with us but then she told me that I had to ask you." I check the time on my phone, biting my lower lip, I felt torn because _if_ I conceded (despite the circumstances) then it would be the first time I'm going to sort of _willingly_ _agree_ to hanging out with Quinn, but I also wanted to go.

Ugh, I confuse myself sometimes...

"I can't." I frown when I see Lucy pouting, a bigger part of me actually wants to go with the two of them so I could get to know Lucy better but I'm not on break yet... So I can't. "I'm still on duty, Luce, I really wish I could though."

"How much longer until your next break?" Quinn asks, speaking to me directly for the first time during this entire conversation.

"Around 20 more minutes."

"How about we walk around first, Luce? Let's come back and get Santana when she's ready."

"Quinn, can you please win me a unicorn!" The little girl shouts out excitedly, completely ignoring what Quinn just said, wildly pointing at the stuffed toys hanging from the booth's ceiling. "I want one!"

I smirk at Quinn whose mouth just kept opening and closing while she thought of what to say to her little cousin. _Yeah Quinn, go win her one..._ "Maybe we could just ask Nana if you can have one?"

"Wouldn't that be cheating?"

"Mhmm, Quinn." I flash her my evil smile. "That _would be_ cheating, you should win one fair and square. You did it before, didn't you?" Lucy's eyes widen in amazement after hearing what I said, Quinn gives me a pointed look and I try my best to stifle my chuckling.

"You won a unicorn? Why haven't I seen it before?" The smaller girl demands and Quinn shoots me another accusatory look, making me smugly grin at her. "Can I have it?" Lucy starts jumping up and down and Quinn starts rubbing the back of her neck. "Please, Q?"

"I kinda gave it to Santana so she would hang out with me." Quinn tells Lucy awkwardly and after hearing her honest explanation, I felt awkward too, especially since Lucy's bright hazel eyes were now directed at me. "I'll try my best to win you one though." She fishes out 2 dollars from her pocket and places it on the counter, I then hand her two balls.

Like I expected, Quinn didn't win a fucking unicorn. _See, the only way you can ever win this game is if you cheat..._ Lucy was now pouting and without a doubt, both Quinn and I wanted the kid to start smiling again. Quinn kept trying to win one until she spent a total of 12 dollars on the rigged game. "It's so hard, Q... How'd you do it before?"

"Well, _umm_— I don't know. Maybe I was lucky that day?" I scoff and chuckle quietly, averting my eyes from the blonde pair._ Sure... It was totally luck. _"Luce, I don't know if I can win you one right now." I watch as Quinn kneels down on the gravel so she's almost the same height as the little girl. "How about I take you to that ice cream parlor you love before we go home and I promise to play this game whenever I'm on my break until I get you one... How does that sound?"

"Okay." Lucy nods her head but a firm pout was still on her lips. _I can't handle seeing this kid sad... _I don't know why but I just fucking can't, I study the milk bottles that I was setting up— I widen the gap between the two bottles that make up the base to make it less stable. As long as Lucy can't see what I'm doing, it _isn't_ cheating... _Shut it, alright? _I hop over the counter and place my own 2 dollars down on the surface. "You're going to try to win me one, San?" _Okay when she calls me that, it's fine..._ I nod and she grins, I aim for a while before throwing the ball right at the center of the 3 bottles. I knock 2 down and I still have a ball.

_Come on, don't embarrass yourself in front of them..._

I flick my wrist as I release the last ball, putting some extra force behind the shot— _I win_. I hop back inside my booth and grab one of the pink unicorns so I could give it to Lucy. "Here you go."

While the little girl was hugging the stuffed toy tightly my eyes lock with Quinn's. She's smirking and I _seriously_ can't wait to hear whatever it is she has to say. Ugh. "Break time?"

"Mhmm." I hum out before placing the _'Be right back!'_ sign on the counter, grabbing my phone and allowing Quinn and Lucy to lead me wherever it is they were taking me for the lunch break.

-x-x-x-x-

"Yum?" Lucy asks as soon as I bite my burger, I nod and she grins at me proudly. "They're like the best burgers in the whole entire galaxy!" She takes a relatively huge bite from her own burger, making a mess on her face. I chuckle before grabbing a napkin and wiping the ketchup blot away from the corner of her mouth. "Thanks, Sanny."

I adore this kid... No seriously, she's the cutest thing ever so it's totally fine when she calls me names that lessen my _'badass image'_— well, as long as no one else is around. We enjoy the rest of our lunch and Quinn tells me that we have to take Lucy to the main office for her mandatory nap. We drop her off and I flash Mrs. Kit a shy smile since I wasn't supposed to be on break anymore... Quinn says it's absolutely fine though— perks of being the friend of the owner's granddaughters, I guess.

Quinn's smirk appears as soon as we close the office's door. "Who knew you were such a softy?" She questions smugly and I glare at her in a joking manner. "No seriously, I wasn't really expecting you to get along with Lucy so you surprised me today."

"Well, she's a cool kid." I shrug a shoulder, still walking towards my designated booth. "Just don't let anyone know about my nice side or else— I swear I will end you, Fabray."

"Mhmm, whatever you say." She chuckles while shaking her head. "Oh and Santana..."

"Yeah?"

"Sometimes cheating is necessary, huh?" Quinn smirks out before swiftly running off to her side of the amusement park, not even giving me the chance to respond properly. She's right though...

_Sometimes cheating is necessary._

-x-x-x-x-

"Is Santana going with us to get ice cream?" Lucy asks while we were on the way to my house from Fantascape. "Is she, Quinny? Is she?"

"She can..." Quinn shrugs. "Why don't you ask her?"

"San!" Lucy shouts from the back of the car so I turn as much as my seatbelt would let me to look at her. "You wanna get some ice cream with us?"

"Isn't my place out of the way though?"

"Nah, don't worry about that." Quinn answers and I think about it... On one hand, I don't like ice cream but then again, I do want to spend some more time with Lucy and yeah— _whatever_, I don't really mind if Quinn is there too.

_Fuck it, it isn't like I need to go home anyway._

"Yeah, sure, I'd love to go get some ice cream with you and _Quinny_." I smirk out teasingly, Quinn looks at me and raises an eyebrow before focusing on the road again. We park in front of an ice cream parlor, which was painted in bright colors with a sign that said _'Ohio Freeze'_ in glowing neon letters. I roll my eyes at the immensely lame name. As soon as Lucy was out of the car, she grabs my hand and pulls me inside. _I don't like it when people touch me but I guess I can make an exception... _"What flavor do you want?"

"Chocolate chip cookie dough!" Lucy says excitedly, peering at the array of frozen tubs behind the immaculately clean glass. "The biggest one." I was just about to tell the boy that's working in the counter our order when Quinn stopped me.

"Luce, we agreed that we were getting you the _smallest_ one, remember?" Quinn quirks an eyebrow at her and she sighs weightily. "Nana won't like it if you have too much sugar in your system..."

"Oh, yeah... I think I forgot, I meant to say chocolate chip cookie dough— _the smallest one_." She gives me an adorable sheepish grin and I chuckle at her amusing antics. I copy Lucy's order and Quinn orders a cherry popsicle for herself. We sit in one of the circular booths and Lucy asks if she can play with my phone. _I don't think I'll ever be able to say no to her so... _She starts playing with my phone, leaving smudges and fingerprints all over my touchscreen. It's okay, I don't mind— _that_ much.

_Oh well, I'll clean it later on._

"Why are you so nice to her?" Quinn asks me when she sees that her little cousin was really distracted by one of my game apps. My eyes land on the popsicle she was sucking on, her pink lips wrapping around the tip of the red ice pop... I shake away the inappropriate and perplexing thoughts, dragging my mind out of the gutter.

_The fuck, Santana?_

"Why? Are you jealous, Fabray?"

"Kinda." She replies with a small grin, baring her teeth. "It would be nice if you treated me even like 1/8 the way you treated Lucy." I know she's joking but there was still truth behind that statement and it kinda made me feel a little guilty... As per usual though, I ignore my feelings associated with Quinn, choosing to shift both our focuses back to Lucy.

"Well, what can I say? The kid is just something else."

"I know what you mean." The look of adoration in her eyes when she stares at Lucy made me happy, it was painfully obvious that Quinn loved the kid, it was sweet... I finish my scoop of ice cream and I swear I'm never going to like that shit. _It's too cold and sweet and... Yuck._ But if Lucy ever invites me to go here with them again— I know that I _won't_ refuse.

I like the kid, she's cool.

"Santana my game stopped cause someone's calling you!" Lucy whines. "It says '**IGNORE BROOKE**', should I answer the call?" Before I can tell her no, or even start shaking my head, she slides her sticky pointer finger over the screen. "Hello?"

"Lucy, no!" I grab the phone from her tiny hands and she pouts guiltily in reaction. I mouth the word _'sorry' _to Lucy before focusing on the phone call, preparing myself to hear _her_ voice again. "Brooke?" I sigh out, Quinn shushes Lucy and the little girl pretends to zip her lips.

_"Santana? Oh my God, finally!"_ She screams out and I pull the phone away from my ear a bit, blindly lowering the volume using the side buttons because I didn't want the two blondes in front of me to hear our conversation. _"Who the fuck is Lucy?"_

"Hold up." I abruptly excuse myself from the table before going out of the establishment to increase the privacy of the call. "Brooke?"

_"Who's Lucy, S?"_

"Some kid I just met this morning, Quinn's little cousin." I answer after releasing a deep, remorseful breath. _U__gh_, I was doing so well with the whole '_i__gnore-Brooke-at-all-costs'_ thing so this situation was fucking with my head. "She's like five years old, don't freak out or whatever."

_"How old is Quinn then?"_

"Umm- _Quinn_— she's like our age?" It comes out sounding more like a question and I curse myself in my head for sounding like an idiot. "Why are you even calling?"

_"She? Quinn is a girl?"_ Oh God, I guess she didn't know _that_ little detail... _Whoops._ I pinch the bridge of my nose frustratedly, listening to the seething brunette on the line._ "A girl you're spending all your time with? What the hell are you doing, Santana?"_

"Yeah, Quinn _is_ a girl and I'm not doing anything! She's just a friend, Brooke, stop acting so psycho..."

_"Well, excuse me for reacting like this when you're fucking cheating on me with God-knows-who in God-knows-where!" _She accuses without proof, making my blood boil even more.

She has no right to talk to me like _this_...

Fuck her.

I tighten my grip on my phone and I use _all_ the self control that I possess to stop myself from smashing it on the concrete road underneath my sneakers. "_Cheating?_ You and I aren't together, Brooke! You're the one who said we weren't, remember? And _you're_ the one who cheated! What we had was just some sick game to you... All for fun, right? Fucking get over yourself." I end the call before she can say anything else and piss me off even more.

Again, fuck her.

I take a couple of calming breaths, stuffing my phone into my left-front pocket and heading back inside. I try not to look _too_ angry when I sit back down, I notice that the little girl in front of me was wearing a deep frown and I looked at Quinn for an explanation but she just kept staring at Lucy pointedly.

"Santana, I'm sorry for answering that call for you. It was wrong of me to do so and I'm really, really, _really_ sorry. Please don't be mad at me." Her eyes start to water and the sight just made my heart clench uncontrollably. Someone_ that _adorable should _never_ cry... "I'm so sorry."

"Hey, hey, it isn't your fault, alright?" I extend my right hand to cup her cheek, I gently wipe away her tears with my thumb before softly pinching her light pink cheek. "We'll forget it ever happened if you give me one of your gorgeous smiles right now..." I grin when she flashes me a shy smile, winking at her to reassure her even more. "Don't worry about it, I was _uhh_— I was planning to answer the call anyway."

"Really?" I notice one of Quinn's eyebrows quirk up the same time Lucy asks the question.

"Yeah, _really_." I confirm dishonestly to make Lucy feel better. I know I wouldn't have answered, _fuck no_, but there's no reason to make the kid feel bad, right? "Now stop thinking about it, everything's okay, I promise."

"Thanks, San."

We leave the store shortly after, they drop me off first and I send Quinn a small smile and a real _'thank you' _for driving me home. I ask her to lower one of the back windows so I can say goodbye to Lucy, who was safely strapped in a car seat. "It was nice meeting you, Lucy."

"You too, Santana." She presents me with a big toothy grin and the similarities between her and Quinn are mind-boggling to say the least. "Also, thank you for winning me Princess Snuggles, you're like super awesome!" She announces, referring to her own pink unicorn stuffed-toy.

"No worries and I think you're super awesome too, trust me. Promise me that you'll visit me whenever you're in Fantascape, okay?"

"Yes, for sure! Bye, San!"

"Bye guys." Quinn waves at me, and like always she waits for me to get inside the house before driving off.

I'm never going to understand why that girl cares so much...

Sometimes I actually like it but it's not like I'm _ever _going to tell her that.

**July 10, 2011**

It's a usual morning with Quinn Fabray. I'm actually really used to it already— our whole daily routine... It's comfortable and it works. And I don't think I'm ever going to get sick of those delicious breakfast muffins...

"You know, Lucy won't stop talking about you... I think she likes you just as much as I do." Quinn says while leaning against my booth's counter. We were early today and I guess she decided to hang around for a while, I wasn't in the mood to complain and it is a free country so _whatever_... She can chill here if she wants.

"Then I hope you like me a lot because I love that kid." I say in a joking manner and Quinn faces me with a soft smile across her lips.

"Don't worry, I like you enough." Her small smile breaks into a grin and I look away because my cheeks were feeling a bit warmer. I distract myself with my phone by deleting Brooke's messages— I don't even open them anymore, there's no point. "Do you wanna go on another date with me? No more bets, kidnapping or whatever, I'm just simply asking you out this time around."

I don't look up for a while, I was waiting for my mouth to stop feeling so dry._ What do you say to that?_ I like spending time with Quinn sometimes— actually,_ scratch that_, I enjoy her company most of the time but I don't think I want to date her. It won't work and it'll complicate my life even more. _Ugh, __I don't even know if I'm single... _I finally muster up enough courage to look her in the eye. "Look, I was wrong about you. You're actually really cool and stuff but I don't think it would be a good idea to go on a date with you." I tell her honestly as I try my best to ignore the feeling of guilt swirling around my stomach. "We can like hang out and stuff but I don't think _dating_ would be a good idea."

"Why not? Is it cause of that Brooke girl?" She asks with an out-of-place smile that didn't really reach her eyes.

"Kinda, it's pretty messy but really it's just that I don't think I'm ready for anything other than friendship right now..."

"If you give me a chance, I swear whatever we have won't be messy... Will you change your mind if I try even harder?" I look down, not really sure how to respond to what she just said either. "Okay, I get it." I hear her chuckle but it sounded really forced. "We'll just hang out this summer then, Santana... Make the most out of your stay here in Ohio."

"That would be awesome." I grin at her, trying to change the mood of our conversation. She looks so hurt even if she's trying her best to hide it, and this whole thing is really making me feel like shit. "Fabray, it's opening time... You better go, you still have a ride to run, remember?"

"Yeah, Lopez. I'm going." She sends me another strained smile before jogging off, I watch her disappear before letting out a breath I wasn't even aware I was holding.

I like Quinn, she's different. I like how sweet she is and even if I act like I hate it most of the time, I truly appreciate the nice things that she does for me. I just can't give her what she's asking for...

_I friend-zoned Quinn._

And, it sucks cause I know _exactly_ how that feels... Oh well, better now than further down the road, I guess.

-x-x-x-x-

"You're oddly quiet tonight..." I say cautiously while Quinn was driving me home. "Look Quinn, I'm _uhh_ sorry for—"

"Santana, you didn't do anything wrong." She looks at me and smiles reassuringly. "Don't worry about it, okay? I understand."

I open my mouth to say something but I quickly close it when I realize that I still don't know what to tell her. _See... Feelings complicate everything._ I hate guilt, I really do. We end up in front of my house and I remove my seatbelt, I was about to open the door but I stopped myself. I turn to my left to look at Quinn. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Probably going home." She shrugs and I smirk, clipping on the buckle again. "What's up?"

"Well, I just earned 50 dollars and we can use all of that on gas, so come on Quinn, take me somewhere— _anywhere_. Let's go on an adventure or something tonight."

"Are you serious?" She raises one of her perfect eyebrows and I shrug, nodding my head.

"Just drive, Fabray. Unless you need to go home or something..." _Please say no, please say no._ She shakes her head and I wouldn't have been able to stop the smile that appeared on my face even if I tried. Quinn starts the car again and we head off to wherever it is she's planning to take me to.

-x-x-x-x-

I'm in awe.

Seriously.

_Stars, stars, stars— they're everywhere._

I don't know where we were exactly— some sort of meadow, I think. We were reclining on the hood of Quinn's car and staring at the night sky above us. We've both been silent for a while, consumed by the magnificent view and our own thoughts.

My neck starts to hurt and I begin fidgeting, trying to get comfortable again. Quinn looks at me before jumping off the hood and opening one of the car's back doors.

"What are you doing?" I call out but she's back before I could even sit up completely. She had a red hoodie in her arms which she folded right in front of me, she climbs back on the hood and slips it under my head._ Did she just make me a make-shift pillow? _"Thanks, Quinn."

"Mhmm." She hums out and I can't help myself from turning to my side and facing her. She really is pretty when she isn't wearing that annoying smirk or grinning like a fool. "Stop staring, Lopez. It's sorta creeping me out..." She teases and heat spreads through my face.

"I'm not staring, idiot. I just spaced out a little and you're face was in my line of sight." _Yeah, best excuse ever... Stupid shit. _"How'd you find this place?" I ask, changing the subject before I mess up even more.

_Damn her hazel eyes..._ I can't help but stare into them whenever she's facing me.

"I was going through something a couple of years ago and I needed to get away from everything for a while. I wanted to escape my own mind so I stole my mom's car and I just drove... I kept driving and somehow I ended up here." She lets out a deep breath as if telling that story caused her physical pain. "Ever since then, this has been my go-to place whenever I'm dealing with shit."

"How old were you when you started driving?" After everything she just said _that's_ what I comment on? _Heartless much, Lopez. _"I mean, sorry... I don't know what to say."

"My older sister taught me when she learned so I knew how to drive at an early age. I found this place when I was like 15, that was the first time I ever drove alone and honestly I was scared shitless... It was a stupid move since I didn't have a license and stuff but that night I really didn't give a fuck about anything. Thinking back now— if the cops caught me, I would've been screwed." The sound that followed wasn't Quinn's usual chuckle...

Y_et again _I'm not entirely sure what I should say to her.

I don't want to ask her what she was dealing with because it was probably too personal, I don't know how to comfort people cause I never had to in the past so I settle for trying my best to make her smile.

"Who knew you had all of that in you, Q? Such a badass." I smirk before poking her sides, she chuckles and I could tell that this time it was a _real_ one. She sits up and grins at me, it was one of those signature Quinn grins. "Why are you smiling like that, freak?"

"Since you called me '_Q'_..." Quinn draws out in a smug tone. "Am I allowed to call you '_San'_ now? Does this mean we're close?" She smirks at me, making a reference to what I said to her a few days ago— I open my mouth to object but my argument dies before I can even say it.

"You're such a loser, you know that, right?"

"Maybe but we're friends now so that makes me _your_ loser, doesn't it?"

"You just wish you were my loser, Fabray."

_The playful banter that night ended there..._


	4. Chapter 4

**July 15, 2011**

"Hey." I greet Quinn and clip on my seatbelt as soon as I was seated in the car.

"Morning, Santana you—" She bites her tongue before shaking her head and starting the car, her hazel eyes refusing to meet mine. "Never mind."

"Spit it out, Fabray." I say in an annoyed tone. _I hate it when people stop mid-sentence..._

"Nothing, I was just going to tell you that you look beautiful today." Quinn says nonchalantly, my cheeks still flush at her words though. I scoff before muttering_ 'what the fuck?'_. "And, that's _exactly_ why I didn't want to continue what I was saying." She sighs. "You really are though, San."

"Fabray, remember... _Friends_."

"Friends can compliment each other, Lopez." She retorts matter-of-factly and I shake my head, trying to stop the stupid smile that was forming on my lips. "By the way, there were no muffins this morning. Do you want to grab breakfast before Fantascape?"

"Nah, it's okay. We might be late."

"You sure? I know this place with amazing waffles." She tells me with a grin before placing one of her hands over her stomach. "Plus, I'm pretty hungry..." Quinn starts pouting and I roll my eyes.

"Then let's go get you some waffles, loser."

"Yes!" She turns the car around and I check the time on my phone.

_I guess we're going to be late for work today..._

-x-x-x-x-

"Quinn! How are you?" A brunette waitress approaches our table, her eyes locked on Quinn. "You haven't been here in a while." I scan through the menu, doing my best to ignore the fact that some random girl was basically eye-fucking Quinn right in front me.

_Whatever. Who cares?_

...

"Hey, Rachel. Yeah, I've been pretty busy." Quinn says, accompanied by an awkward chuckle. "This is Santana, by the way." She introduces me and _'Rachel' _gives me a fake smile, I flash her a faker one in return."San, do you know what you want already?"

"Those waffles that you were raving about, I guess." I answer and Quinn orders for the both of us, barely making eye contact with the short brunette.

"Alright, Q." Rachel doesn't leave right away though, she just stands there, staring at Quinn dreamily. I clear my throat and she gives me another fake smile. "Be right back with your orders." She skips off, making me roll my eyes.

"Well, someone has a big crush on you." I tease Quinn but she denies it by shaking her head. "Come on, Quinn... She was pretty much undressing you with her eyes right in front of me."

"No way, that's just Rachel being Rachel." She shrugs and I raise an eyebrow. "_Moving on._.. I realized that I don't know a lot of things about you. If we're going to be friends, I should know stuff, right?"

"I guess." I say cautiously because I _really_ don't like opening up to people or letting them in— _it's just easier not to..._ "What kind of stuff though?"

"Just the basics, like seven questions and if you don't want to answer something, you don't have to."

"Why seven?" I ask curiously and she just shrugs in response. "Fine, whatever, go for it."

"Where are you from?" I answer _'Seattle'_ and she nods. "You're still in high school, right? How old are you?"

"I'm going to be a senior when school starts and I'm 17." _Three__ down. _"You?" If she can ask me shit then I should be allowed to ask her stuff too...

"Just finished high school, 19." I wordlessly bob my head up and down even if the fact that she's older than me surprises me a little. "Why Lima?"

I stay quiet, thinking of the best answer to the question. I open and close my mouth awkwardly a couple times— thankfully, Rachel brings us our food, buying me some more time. The brunette tries to start a conversation but Quinn quickly ends it causing the waitress to dejectedly walk away. Quinn's focus is on me again and she gives me a soft smile. "You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to."

"No, it's okay." I swallow the lump that somehow formed in my throat. "Well, for starters, my dad lives here so I figured it will be nice to visit him. Second, I just needed to get away from Seattle... I needed some time away to figure a couple of things out."

"When you first got here, I didn't know that Mr. L was your dad." Quinn chuckles lightly and I wonder _how_ she even knows him... "How is that working for you? I mean, the part about figuring things out."

"I don't really know." I shrug before cutting off a piece of my waffle and bringing it to my mouth. "Damn, this _is_ good."

"Told you." She smirks before attacking her own plate of waffles, we talk about trivial topics for a while until Quinn decides to spontaneously fire out another question. "Who's Brooke?" The direct question catches me off guard and I choke a bit, I quickly reach for my glass and gulp most of the water down. "Sorry."

I sigh before picking at my food, I was trying to avoid Quinn's eyes. _Sensitive topic. _I take in a deep breath to calm myself, I already started answering her questions anyway so... "She's my best friend. Well, she was my best friend but we sort of got into a fight a few weeks ago."

"Oh, so she isn't like your girlfriend or something?" Quinn hesitantly asks, I could hear the shyness and nervousness in her voice, and it makes me want to grin for some inexplicable reason. "Wait... Now, you really don't have to answer that one."

"I'm single, Q." I chuckle out before shaking my head amusedly. I look at my plate and realize that there's no way I'm going to finish all of this. "I'm full."

"No worries." She grins before asking for the bill. "I really don't have a chance, huh?"

"We agreed on just seven questions, you dork." I say as nonchalantly as I could manage, looking away with a smile across my lips. I wipe my palms on my jeans as I try my best not to make things awkward. The bill comes and Quinn gives her credit card, I try to hand her my money but she doesn't take it. "Quinn, let me pay!" I complain and she shakes her head.

"Just treat me the next time we go out." She smirks. "That way I'm sure that there will be a next time." She winks at me before getting up and heading back to the car. I roll my eyes and chuckle softly before following after her. I reach for the door but then I felt a rough hand grab my wrist, I turn and see the Rachel girl.

"Let go of me." I shake off her grip before scowling at her, I start reaching for the door's handle again but she tells me to stop. "What?"

"You're going to end up getting hurt." She tells me softly and I raise an eyebrow. "I know that you don't know me but just trust me, okay? Quinn's not ready for anything serious right now..."

"I don't know what you're going on about, dwarf but trust me there's _no_ _way_ I'm going to get hurt because I don't like Quinn— not in _that_ way at least." I sigh weightily, forcing the words through my teeth. "Don't worry, you don't have competition."

"I admit that I may find Quinn incredibly attractive but I know enough to know that nothing will happen between us. Like I said, Quinn isn't ready... I'm only telling you this because you obviously aren't from around here, alright?"

"Whatever." I shake my head before finally leaving the restaurant, I get in Quinn's car and she asks me why I took so long. "Rachel just kinda warned me about you..." I shrug out, strapping myself in and she quirks an eyebrow. "Told you she has a crush on you, probably thinks I'm a threat or something."

"Oh..."

"You should ask her out."

"I don't want to, I like someone else." I don't even ask who because we both already know _who_ she's referring to... We drive to Fantascape in comfortable silence, not really caring about the fact that we were almost an hour late for work.

-x-x-x-x-

"You got me into a lot of trouble today." I tell Quinn while she was driving me home from work. "I swear Mrs. Kit is so close to firing my ass."

"No way, she won't fire you. Her granddaughter like loves you so she wouldn't dare." My breath hitches and I look to my left, I see Quinn's eyes widen as she realizes what she just said. "_Wait! _That sounded wrong, I swear I was talking about Lucy, alright? She wouldn't shut up about you." I let out a small sigh of relief, feeling my heart's pace slow down a little. "Her other granddaughter likes you a lot though."

"I miss that kid." I ignore Quinn's last statement along with the blush coating my cheeks, glueing my gaze to the passenger's side window.

Ugh.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure that you get to spend more time with Lucy before you have to go back to Seattle."

**July 16, 2011**

"Are you up for a party tonight?" I look up from the magazine article I was reading. "Just some house party though."

"A party?" Quinn nods and I sit up a little. "Where?"

"Noah is having one of his random parties, it's probably going to be lame compared to the parties you're used to but I'm pretty sure it's going to beat staying at home on a Saturday night."

"Will there be alcohol?" She answers with a _'yup'_ and I smirk, dropping the magazine onto the counter. "I'm _so_ in."

"Alright, I'll pick you up at around 8:30?"

"Yeah, game." Quinn walks away from my booth, leaving me to think about what I'm going to wear tonight. Whatever, there's going to be booze and God knows how much I miss having alcohol in my system.

-x-x-x-x-

I decide to keep my outfit simple, a black crop top, a pair of high-waisted shorts and a couple of accessories. Smoky eyes and nude lipstick is the way— too much make-up is gross... I wear my hair down since I didn't really know what to do with it and I couldn't be bothered to exert too much effort. I examine myself on the mirror one more time before shrugging.

I'm not trying to impress anyone anyway, right? So whatever...

I still have 15 more minutes— _what to do? _I head to the kitchen and grab myself a can of coffee from the fridge since I don't know how to make coffee and I really need caffeine in my system to keep me awake tonight. Try working the whole day and going to a party afterwards... You'll need something to keep you up, I promise.

I really don't know what to expect... Is it going to be a wild party? Or do people party differently in Lima?_ Stop it, just think about the fucking alcohol, Santana. _I decide to wait out on the porch, I make sure the front door is locked before sitting down on the top step.

10 more minutes until Quinn gets here...

My phone buzzes and it's not like there's anything better to do so I read the newest message.

**_Ignore Brooke: _**_Okay, I'm going to stop blowing up your phone. I get it... You need space. Just know that I have no plans on giving up on us, okay? I'll see you in August. Oh and take care of yourself out there in Ohio. :) I love you._

My eyes expand as I read the second to the last sentence... _How the fuck does she know?_ My fingers begin typing out a reply before I even knew if I really wanted to reply to her message or not.

**_Santana Lopez: _**_Kinda creepy... How the fuck do you know where I am?_

**_Ignore Brooke: _**_Ran into your mom at the mall yesterday. I should've figured it out sooner. How's your dad?_

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ None of your business, okay?_

**_Ignore Brooke: _**_Okay then. Take care of yourself for me. Love you._

I roll my eyes before stuffing my phone in my pocket. Crap, I really didn't want her to know where I was..._ This sucks. _I don't understand what's happening between us though— one second we're fighting, the next she's telling me that she doesn't care about me anymore, then she's acting all jealous and psycho and then she's going to be all sweet and nice. I really don't get it, everything is just too fucking complicated...

_How do you get over someone who's trying to get you back?_

I see Quinn's car and I try to rid my mind of anything connected to Brooke. I want to have fun tonight and for _that_ to happen— I need to forget all my problems. I get up and head over to the familiar car, grinning as I open the vehicle's door.

"You look amazing, San." Quinn compliments me as soon as I sat down and strapped myself in.

"You don't look too bad yourself, Fabray." I smirk in reply and she beams dorkily. _Honestly, she cleans up pretty well..._ "Don't let it get to your head though." Well, I think I found exactly what I need to help me forget about Brooke tonight— Quinn plus a shitload of alcohol...

This is going to be fun.

-x-x-x-x-

It's around 11PM and I'm like one drink away from losing _all_ control over my body. Quinn has been preventing me from getting another drink for the last 20 minutes though— telling me I had more than enough. Ugh. Anyway, I guess this party is okay, it isn't _that_ bad. There are enough booze and people... Actually, maybe there are too many people inside this house, the place is fucking packed.

"Keep walking, Chang." Quinn tells the Asian boy, who was asking me to dance with him. The boy glared at Quinn but walked away in acquiescence. Quinn has been doing that all night, by the way... Telling people to leave and stop flirting with me. _Is it wrong that I find it cute?_ I guess Quinn Fabray doesn't only have a nice side, it's pretty obvious she holds a high position in the Lima teenage hierarchy (if something like that even exists). "This shit is lame, do you want to get out of here?"

"What?" I cock an eyebrow before shaking my head, the action making the room spin even more. _Woah. _"No, we just got here and I still want to get my drink on."

"San, I don't think that's a good idea... Everyone in here is looking at you like they're planning to pounce on you any second and I don't fucking like it."

I smirk before running one of my fingers down her bare arm. "Then it's a good thing that I have _you_ to protect me, right?" I whisper out, I slurred a bit but I think it came out flirty enough because Quinn's whole body tensed up. "Now, can I get that drink?"

"Yeah, _umm_ sure." She leads me back to the kitchen, her palm securely on the small of my back. I've actually been flirting with Quinn ever since we got here, I know it's wrong in a way but I really need to get Brooke out of my head and the blonde-haired, hazel-eyed girl is the perfect distraction. _Oh well, it's innocent fun. _Quinn hands me a cup and I chug down its contents— it's mostly juice but at least it has a bit of alcohol. "Okay, that's seriously the last one until you sober up."

"You're so boring, Q!" I whine loudly and she shakes her head, she clearly found my actions amusing though, based on the smile on her face. "We should— "

"Hey Quinn, who's your friend?" I turn around and see a girl with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. _She's really pretty. _I give her a charming smile and she extends her right hand towards me. "Brittany S. Pierce."

"Santana Lopez." I politely shake her hand and she grins even bigger, letting the supposedly innocent touch linger a lot longer than necessary.

Quinn clears her throat, which brought my attention back to her. "_Uhh_, Britt we need to go— Santana wanted to check out the backyard." I raise my eyebrow inconspicuously but I say nothing, I wave a friendly goodbye to a pouting Brittany before allowing Quinn to possessively lead me out of the kitchen. She interlaces our fingers as soon as we were out the back door and pulls me towards the steps of Noah's pool. We remove our shoes and dip our feet into the cool water, Quinn's sitting to my left and we're still holding hands. It should feel weird but it doesn't so I don't let go... "You still okay?"

"Mhmm." I hum out before closing my eyes, I'm still really buzzed but it's tolerable. "I'm sorry you aren't having fun, Q." I tell her softly and I hear her chuckle, I open my eyes to see her grinning at me.

"Are you kidding? I'm having a great time."

"Stop being sarcastic."

"No really." I feel her squeeze my hand and tingles travel up my arm. "I like spending time with you even when you're drunk so don't worry about me. Are you having fun?"

I shrug while giving her a lazy smile. "Well, it beats staying home, that's for sure. Plus, I think I like seeing you get all jealous... You don't seem like such a wimp."

"Is that so?" She asks in an amused tone, one of her feet lightly grazing my ankles under the water.

"Yup." I make a popping sound at the end of the word before taking in a deep breath. You know you had _too_ much when oxygen starts smelling like alcohol— good thing I have a high tolerance. I'm still pretty dizzy though so I decide to just go for it and rest my head on Quinn's shoulder, gripping the hand I was holding a bit tighter.

"I'm totally going to tell Nana to start serving drinks in Fantascape." She says softly and I mumble out a curious _'why?'_. "Cause you're a lot nicer to me when you're drunk."

"Shut up, Fabray." I chuckle out softly, I feel her lips on the top of my head and I freeze. _Shit._ Everything comes crashing down— the intimacy of our position, the fact that we're holding hands, the way I flirted with her all night long. I quickly yank my hand away from hers before sitting up straight. "I'm tired, can you take me home now?"

"Uh_,_ yeah sure." She says sadly before helping me out of the water and back into my shoes. We say a quick goodbye to Noah, who was drunk out of his mind before silently getting in the car and driving back to my house. "Look, Santana I didn't mean to—"

"Nothing happened, Quinn. Don't worry about it."

The atmosphere in this car right now is really tense... _Awkwardly so._ I carefully type out a message to my dad, letting him know that I was on my way home. It was difficult but I was able to come up with a readable text message. I stuff my phone back into my pocket before darting my eyes to my left, I seriously have no idea what's going on in her head. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She shrugs before sighing audibly. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong... Actually, you _never_ do anything wrong, Quinn. You're always so nice to me, it's kinda weird." I reply meekly but in a semi-confused tone, it's probably the alcohol but I really can't stop the words from coming out. I know there's no way I'd say these things if I were sober. "Thanks for like _umm_- always taking care of me. I know I'm a bitch but I really do appreciate everything... I still don't understand why you treat me the way that you do though."

"You're not a bitch. Remember the first time I ever spoke to you? I already told you then that I liked you. Plus, people should be nice to you because you deserve it, it's as simple as that..."

"You don't know me." I shake my head, honestly wondering how she'd treat me if she knew what kind of person I really was, if she knew the main reason why I was spending this summer in Ohio.

"I know enough." She replies confidently, stopping the car in front of my house. "And, we're friends, right? That means I _should_ be nice to you."

"But I'm not nice to you..."

"It doesn't matter, I'll gladly take what I can get." She grins before unclipping my seatbelt for me. "You think you can manage getting up to your room by yourself?"

I nod before reaching for the handle, I open the door but before I step out I lean towards Quinn's side of the car and abruptly kiss her cheek. We both freeze when my lips come in contact with her pale skin for the first time ever.

_Santana, you're a fucking idiot. _

"I- _umm_— bye." I rush out before quickly stumbling to my house, I fumble with the keys for a bit until I finally opened the front door.

"See you tomorrow, Santana." Quinn says loudly from her car, making sure that I hear her clearly. I give her a thumbs up before going in, I close the door and lean against it, trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me.

_It's all the alcohol's fault, it's nothing._

I head to my room with my brain still in complete chaos, removing all of my clothes and getting into my bed. I force myself to sleep so I'll be able to stop thinking even for a while.

_What the fuck is going on with you, Santana?_

**July 17, 2011**

"Hey, sleepyhead." My eyes flutter open and I see Quinn standing _inside_ my room._ What the fuck? _"I'm guessing you forgot to set your alarm last night, huh?" I look at the clock beside my bed and curse loudly... We should already be in Fantascape by now. I was about to shoot out of bed when I realize that I'm butt naked under the blanket... _Fuck._ "No worries, I called Nana... I told her that we were having car trouble and your dad sent me up here to wake you up because he was running late too."

"Give me 10 minutes." I say sleepily before letting out a long yawn. She nods so I expect her to leave but she just stands there and I feel my cheeks heat up, knowing that I need to explain the situation to her. "_Uhh_, Quinn can you like wait outside or something? I'm kinda _umm_—" I motion to the blanket before wiggling my eyebrows awkwardly and flashing her a tightlipped smile.

"Oh." Both her cheeks turn a violent shade of pink before she abruptly turns around and leaves my room. "Sorry!" She mumbles out before closing the door.

"Don't worry about it!" I yell loud enough before getting up from under the sheets and stretching. _Damn, my head is killing me. _I rush to my en-suite bathroom to take a quick shower, I hastily put on some underwear, a pair of jeans and a Fantascape shirt after drying off my body. I brush my hair even if it's still wet cause I'm seriously too late to give a fuck. I then brush my teeth before grabbing my backpack and heading down stairs. "Quinn?" I call out, wandering around the first floor of my house.

"Kitchen!"

I enter the kitchen and see Quinn making breakfast. "I thought we were already late..."

"We are." She shrugs before putting some bacon and eggs on a plate and handing it to me. "So a couple more minutes won't hurt, right?" I giggle before nodding, she fixes a plate for herself and we eat on the kitchen counter. "How's your head?"

"Hurts." I say through a mouthful of food. She gets up from her stool and fishes out something from her pocket before grabbing a glass of water.

"Here." She hands me two pills and the water, I drink it and whisper out a sincere _'thanks'_. "If you could have anything to eat right now, what would it be?"

"Why are you so random all the time?" I ask curiously and she shrugs a shoulder, continuing to eat her breakfast.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about it while I was making you breakfast." She answers through a grin. "I'm just curious, alright?"

"I don't know, pizza?" I shrug my shoulders, saying the first thing that popped into my head, and she nods. "You're so weird..."

"Nah, you know what's weird though?" I let out a curious-sounding _'mmm'_. "The fact that you're dad gave me a drunk driving talk a while ago..."

"Really?"

"Yeah, as if I'd ever drink and drive." She scoffs, clearly bothered by the idea. "Dumbest thing ever."

"Agreed."

-x-x-x-x-

"I should put the both of you under probation." Mrs. Kit tells us in a scolding tone. "You two have been late for 2 days straight, I know you said you were having car trouble, Quinny but _seriously_... I don't appreciate being lied to." Quinn looks down in shame and I bite my lip awkwardly. "You're lucky that almost all of my employees were late today so I can't focus on you two."

"What?" We both ask at the same time.

"Mhmm, I understand that you teenagers like going to parties but try to be professional when it comes to being on time, okay? I don't want this to happen again."

"Don't worry, Nana."

"It won't, Mrs. Kit."

"Good." The old lady finally smiles at us. "Now, go to your stations."

"So much for _not_ getting fired..." I give Quinn a pointed look as soon as we were out of the office's door.

"You think you have it bad, I can get grounded."

"Cause that's totally worse than losing your job." I challenge and she stops walking. "What?"

"It _is_ worse because it would mean I won't be able to hang out with you."

I try my best not to smile and I force myself to roll my eyes. "Come on, you dork." I hook my arm through hers and she walks me to my booth.

-x-x-x-x-

"Lunch?" I look up, expecting to see Quinn but my eyes land on one of the girls I met last night. _Bailey? Brenda? Umm..._ "I asked about you last night and I can't believe you've been working here all summer and I haven't seen you once."

I shrug my shoulders, unsure of how to deal with the unexpected visitor. "I don't really go around the park."

"Shame, I wish I met you sooner." She smiles at me. "You don't remember my name, do you?"

"I _umm_- I guess I was drunker than I thought."

"It's Brittany." She says with a soft smile and I nod. "So... Lunch?"

"Look, you seem nice and everything but I don't really want to go." She visibly deflates but I honestly don't care... "I prefer spending my breaks alone..."

"Oh okay then, I'll just see you around, I guess."

"See you." I give her a small wave and she walks away downheartedly. I admit that it was mean but I'm not really up for meeting new people right now. 30 minutes later and it was my actual break, I'm debating whether or not I should go to _my_ _spot_ by the broken ride. But Quinn arrives and unknowingly makes the decision for me. "Hey."

"Hi." She grins before sitting on the wooden counter of my booth. "Lunch?"

"Mmm, what do you have in mind?" She pats the free space beside her and I join her on top of the counter. At that moment a guy approaches us with a pizza. "What the hell, Q?"

"What?" She feigns innocence and I raise an eyebrow, making her shrug adorably. "Pizza?" She offers me a slice and I take one. "You said you wanted pizza this morning... _Right?_" She smirks and I shake my head, I don't even try to stop myself from smiling anymore.

"You're really something else, Quinn Fabray."

Quinn just gives me a wide grin before covering her mouth with her hand after she realizes that she probably had cheese all over her face— she kind of did. A _little bit_ but whatever it's cute, anyway— she's kind of cute.

_Well, when she isn't being super annoying..._

-x-x-x-x-

Quinn drops me off after work but before I could enter the house I hear her shout my name. I turn around and she gets out of the car and jogs up to me. "What's up?"

"I was wondering if I could- _uhh_—"

"Spit it out, Q." I say, wearing an amused expression. "What is it?"

"Can I have your number?" She says it so quickly that the words sort of mesh together, I understood what she said though. I hold my palm out and she hands me her phone. I add myself as a contact before giving it back to her.

"There you go, dork."

"Thanks." She gives me a big Quinn-Fabray-grin and I smile earnestly in return. "Night, Santana."

"Night, Q."

_Friends give friends their numbers, right?_

It's a completely normal and platonic thing to do, I'm not doing anything wrong.


	5. Chapter 5

**July 20, 2011**

"Start explaining, Fabray..."

"I don't really have an explanation... I just wanted to see you." She grins shyly and I shake my head before letting her in the house. It's not yet even 11 in the morning... Ugh, I really wanted to bum in bed today.

Seriously, I wasn't expecting to wake up to a text saying _'Outside :D'_. Whatever, at least I'm not going to be bored since I have Quinn around to keep me entertained. She's actually been doing that for the past couple of days— _entertaining me... _Well, through text messages. We've been texting non-stop for the last 2 days but that's normal, right? We're friends, she has my number and Brooke isn't really talking to me so...

_Yeah, normal._

"Give me 10 minutes, I'll take a quick shower— just chill down here and watch TV or something." She nods and I leave her in the living room before heading upstairs and taking my shower. After drying off, I put on a pair of sweats and a tank then I go back down to join Quinn on the couch. Some reality show was playing on the screen and I chuckle because Quinn doesn't really seem like the type who enjoys cheap TV shows. "Okay loser, why are you here again?"

"I answered that already, I wanted to see you." She uses the remote to turn down the volume a little. "I was going to suggest that we go out for lunch but your outfit doesn't really seem to agree with that idea..."

"I'm lazy." I whine before stretching my arms out. "Let's just hang out here."

"Okay, how about I make us some lunch?"

"Yeah, whatever, knock yourself out."

I sit beside her, grab the remote and start flipping through the channels. Quinn reaches for her car keys on top of the coffee table and stands up without a word._ Huh? _She was almost out of the room when I asked her where she was going. "Grocery, I have to pick up some things."

"Why? Just cook whatever is in the kitchen."

"I feel like going to the grocery and I want to make you something special." Quinn shrugs her shoulders. "I'll be right back." She starts walking again but stops when I tell her that I want to come. _Hey, she woke me up, she can't just leave me here... _Going to the grocery doesn't necessarily mean I want to spend more time with her, okay? No. "Alright then, let's go."

-x-x-x-x-

"Fuck off." Quinn gives the random guy the finger and he raises both his hands up before walking away. _So... _This grocery trip is already interesting and to think we're not yet even inside the _actual_ grocery store. I feel bad for the dude, yeah he's an ass for leering at me and shit but my top _is_ kinda low and I _am_ kinda hot._ Like Quinn when she's mad... Uhh._ "Wait here." I was about to object but she already ran off. She comes back like less than a minute later with the same red hoodie that she used for my make-shift pillow in the past. "Put it on."

"What? But It's so hot..."

"Just put it on cause I swear if another guy disrespects you, I'm going to lose it." I roll my eyes but wear the hoodie anyway. It says McKinley in the front— _probably her high school? _Mmm, it smells just like Quinn...

"Chill out, Fabray, he was harmless."

"Even if he was, he has no right to objectify you, you don't deserve to be treated like that." I don't know what to reply to what she just said so I just shrug before walking through the glass sliding doors.

We grab one of the pushcarts by the entryway and start placing the things we need and want inside, walking through the various aisles in tense silence. Quinn's still clearly pissed and I don't like it... She gets so quiet when she's mad and so _un-Quinn-like_. She walks off to one of the racks so I decide to push everything already in our cart to one corner before climbing in. An involuntary smile appears on her face as soon as she sees me. _Mission Complete. _"What are you doing, Santana?"

"I told you I was lazy." I shrug and send her a grin, hoping it was enough to get rid of her angry mood. "Now, push me!" She chuckles and shakes her head but begins pushing me around the grocery, we go through the entire establishment picking up more random things along the way. The employees were looking at us peculiarly but whatever..._ Quinn's happy again. _Not that I care about how she feels, she's just less annoying when she isn't in a bad mood. We reach the checkout counter and Quinn runs off to get another cart, she starts removing all of the crap on top of me so I could get out.

_Yet again, we argue about who gets to pay but she kinda wins by default cause I left my wallet at home..._

-x-x-x-x-

_So fucking full..._ I feel like I'm going to die since Quinn decided to cook for an army and I decided to eat like there was no tomorrow. _Don't judge me, it was really good. _Now we're on the couch, watching some movie... I tear my eyes away from the screen when I feel something on my lap, Quinn rests her head on my thighs. "Get off, Fabray."

"No, you're comfy." She whines before looking up at me and pouting. "Please?"

"Fine but if I start cramping up, I'm pushing you off this couch."

"Deal." She squirms a bit to get comfortable and I can't stop myself from finding her adorable. She ends up falling asleep on my lap and I tuck some of her flaxen hair behind her ear...

Even if she's like a total loser, there's no denying that Quinn Fabray is really pretty.

-x-x-x-x-

**_QuinnTheLoser: _**_I had fun today. Thanks Santana. :)_

**_Santana Lopez: _**_Sure, you dork! I had fun too._

**_QuinnTheLoser: _**_:D_

**_Santana Lopez: _**_... Weirdo_

**_QuinnTheLoser_**_: I'm just happy. :) Goodnight, Santana._

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Night, Q. :)_

Whatever it's one smiley...

_Leave me alone._

**July 22, 2011**

I'm aware that Quinn's flirting has gotten a lot worse... I'm also aware that I'm flirting back. It's so weird but whatever it makes me smile cause _yeah_— I'm starting to really like how sweet she is. I know friends aren't supposed to act the way that we do but I don't really want it to stop.

I don't think I_ like, like_ her though...

I like the fact that she's always around and available though. I like that she always seems to care about me. It's nice having her around... I know I _can_ like her in _that _way if I gave her a real chance but— _am I even allowed to do that?_

I have Brooke back home and Quinn lives in fucking Ohio... Plus, I don't even know if I'm gay. In my mind, Brooke was always an exception but now— _I just don't know._ Sometimes I even feel that inexplicable flutter in my chest (the kind that I only ever felt with Brooke) whenever Quinn does something super sweet.

Like this morning when gave me a drawing... Okay, it sounds lame but no one ever gave me a drawing before.

_Shh. Ugh— complicated feelings._

-x-x-x-x-

I decide to take my break earlier than usual since no one really wanted to play the damn milk bottle game today... _Smart people._ I head to the rides side of the amusement park. Specifically towards Spacescape— _I'm bored, okay?_ And Quinn usually gets rid of my boredom.

Okay, she always does.

I climb up the ramp of the ride and the people in line let me through without protest— probably because I'm wearing a Fantascape shirt. "Hey, what are you doing here?" She starts off the ride, checks her watch and looks at me confusedly. "You're not supposed to be on break yet..."

I shrug my shoulders, flashing her a mischievous grin. "Whatever, I'm bored. " She nods before leaving her place beside me, opting to stand behind me instead... Her arms wrap around my midsection and I freeze, all of my muscles tensing up. "What are you doing?"

"Hugging you." I feel her shrug her shoulders and then she holds me even tighter. She rests her chin on my shoulder and I relax a little because it's a nice feeling to be hugged from behind. _I missed it... _"Lunch during my break?"

"Mhmm." I hum out and let out a disappointed sigh when she lets go of me. She stops the ride and helps the people out... _Is it weird that I wish she was still holding me? Yeah_—_it is, huh?_ I shake away the bothersome thoughts and sit down on her chair. "What are you in the mood for?" I ask her, trying to distract myself from my own mind.

-x-x-x-x-

Quinn and I ended up watching a movie after work... I don't know it was just one of those spontaneous things. She held my hand in the theater and I didn't pull mine away— I didn't want to. I like holding her hand, it's like the perfect size... _Like Brooke's._

_Stop it, Lopez._

I really need to quit comparing Brooke to Quinn and Quinn to Brooke.

**_QuinnTheLoser: _**_Can I call? _

**_Santana Lopez: _**_What... Why?_

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ Come on._

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Fine._

My phone starts flashing the blonde's name and I let it ring for awhile before sliding my thumb over the lower portion of the screen.

"What's up? It's late and we have work tomorrow..."

"It was your idea to catch that movie."

"Whatever, I was just with you so why the hell are you calling, Fabray?"

"Goodnight, San."

"You called to say '_goodnight'_?" I quirk up an eyebrow as I inwardly try to convince myself that it was stupid and not sweet.

"Yup, and also to tell you to check your backpack."

"Alright, night, Q." She ends the call and I reach for my backpack, which was on the foot of my bed. I open the main compartment and see a photo frame inside. It's a picture of Quinn and I riding Spacescape, I look like shit but Quinn looks adorable. _Aww._ I quickly grab my phone and send her another text.

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Thanks, Quinn. Night. :)_

**_QuinnTheLoser: _**_Goodnight. :)_

I get up from my bed and head to the closet. I grab the pink unicorn that I stuffed in one of my shelves a few weeks ago and go back under my sheets. I hug the toy tightly before closing my eyes and going to sleep.

Ugh, I think I'm starting to crush on Quinn Fabray. _  
_

_I'm so fucking screwed._

**July 23, 2011**

I'm walking to my booth, my money box in my right hand and a red rose in my left— don't ask me _why_ cause I don't even know. Quinn just gave it to me in the car a while ago, I told her that friends don't give friends flowers but she blatantly ignored my comment. _Fuck. _This whole thing with Quinn is seriously confusing me... We talk everyday and honestly she makes me smile like all the time. I try not to find her cute but it's _so_ goddamn hard. _Maybe, I just miss Brooke and Quinn is around?_ I don't really know but I can't accept the fact that I'm beginning to like the dork back...

Eww.

I know that I still have feelings for Brooke... I'm sure of it cause I miss her like crazy right now. She really hasn't been talking to me and it's weird not seeing her name on Facebook, on Twitter and especially on my phone. I'm not used to it... 7 years is a long time— you can't completely erase someone you've known since you were 11...

But I really don't want to crush on Quinn just cause I miss Brooke... That isn't fair.

_How do I stop myself though?_

-x-x-x-x-

"How's your day going?"

"Okay." I shrug coolly before fixing my bangs to remove my hair from my face. "What's up, Fabray?"

"I feel like breaking the rules." She smirks and I lift an eyebrow, I was about to ask her what she had in mind when she climbed over the counter and entered my booth. "According to the handbook, I'm not allowed to do _this_."

"Wow, you're _so_ badass." I say sarcastically before chuckling cause she's seriously such a fucking dork. "Wait— it isn't even close to break time, why are you here?"

"I was bored and I didn't feel like working... Kinda like you yesterday."

"You're seriously making the most out of the whole _'I'm the granddaughter of the owner, I can't get fired'_ thing, huh?" She smirks at me and I roll my eyes, she picks up the rose from on top of my bag and inspects it. "I still don't understand why you even gave me that..."

"Pretty girls deserve pretty flowers."

"Then I guess I should get you one too." It was supposed to be a joke that would make things less awkward but then it backfired..._ Like fuck._ "I mean _uhh_— "

"You think I'm pretty?" She has this smile on, it isn't at all smug or annoying— so whatever excuse I had in my arsenal just disappeared, forcing me to reply honestly.

"Well, you aren't ugly." I shrug a shoulder before looking away from her. _Seriously, what the fuck is going on?_ "Let's do something tonight, I don't want to go home early."

_I don't like being home alone anymore cause my brain refuses to shut the fuck up... _

"What do you want to do?"

"Whatever." I shrug again, finally managing to face her again. "Any ideas?"

"I got one." She smirks out and I shake my head because that smirk _definitely_ meant trouble... "Okay, I need to start being responsible again, I'll see you later." She walks over to me and gives me a hug, I don't really know what to do so I just pat her on the back awkwardly, she accepts it though. "Bye, San."

"See ya, loser."

-x-x-x-x-

Quinn uses a small remote to open the gates of this huge modern-looking house and we roll up the driveway. _What the hell?_ She kills the engine before getting out of the car and I follow suit, she then opens the front door and turns on the lights— the interior is as modern as the exterior... It's a really cool house but it's obvious that no one lives here because the place is dead silent.

I want to ask who owns it but Quinn hasn't stopped walking yet. I follow her until we end up in the backyard... I don't even know if you can still call it that since it's fucking huge— like almost half a soccer field big.

And, the damn swimming pool looks amazing... _Seriously, where are we? _Quinn disappears again and the next thing I know the pool's motor is making sounds and the underwater lights turn on. "Yo Fabray, who owns this place?" She comes back into view, holding her shoes. _Huh?_ The sneakers land on the ground and her hands end up on the hem of her shirt.

"Don't worry, we aren't trespassing or anything." She chuckles out— _not the answer I was looking for..._ "Ready?" Her top comes off next and my jaw drops. _Now what? _"I didn't turn on the pool-shit for nothing, Lopez." She unbuttons her jeans and hooks her thumbs through the belt loops. I rush towards her and grab both of her wrists to stop her from going any further.

"Wait."

"Relax, we're not going skinny dipping. Underwear stays on, it'll be just like we're in our bikinis." She says matter-of-factly before shaking off my grip and completely sliding off her pants. Ugh._ Inappropriate thoughts right now... _"Come on, it's summer, you're supposed to do stupid things."

"The water is probably going to be really cold."

"So? Come on, S, don't be such a _wimp_." She goads with an exasperating smirk and I raise an eyebrow._ Fuck it._ I unceremoniously take off my work shirt and blindly throw it on top of one of the recliners, my shoes and jeans quickly follow. I wrap my arms around her waist before dragging her with me inside the pool. It's fucking freezing but it also feels _really_ good. "Awesome, right?"

"Yeah, yeah." I agree before going under the water again, I'm kind of glad it's cold though because Quinn looks really good in what she's wearing and the amount of ivory skin exposed was making me feel weirdly warm inside. "Okay, seriously... Who owns this place?"

"I do." She shrugs and my jaw drops again. "Well my parents but yeah... _You get me._"

That explains the fact that she's always paying for everything and the really nice car... _The girl is fucking loaded. _"This place is crazy, like MTV-Cribs-crazy."

"You don't know the half of it." She replies in an unreadable tone, averting her eyes. She brushes off the topic before I could ask what she meant by her statement and the _way_ that she said it. "Let's play a game."

"Okay, what?"

"Truth or dare? Whoever can't answer a question or accomplish a dare loses."

"That's so lame..."

"We don't really have a lot of options right now, do we?" I shake my head and mutter out a _'fine' _causing a grin to appear on her face. "Let's make it interesting... The loser has to do one thing the winner says— _anything _the winner wants, without question." I sink my teeth into my lower lip before hesitantly agreeing. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Let's start off with something easy— were you expecting your summer to turn out like this?"

"No." I answer with ease because I seriously had no fucking idea that I'd end up in Ohio _almost_ skinny dipping with someone I barely knew during the summer before my senior year. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." She smiles before swimming over to one of the pool walls and leaning on it, I copy her actions and try my best to come up with a good question.

"Why are you so _ni_— no wait... Why do you _'like'_ me?" I use air quotes even if it's fucking dorky... _Quinn's seriously starting to rub off on me._ Damn.

"Easy, cause there's no reason _not_ to like you."

"Bullshit."

"I don't know what you want me to say but I'm telling the truth." She sighs and we're quiet for a while, the only noise coming from the pool's motors. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." I don't think I can handle anymore questions right now... Or answers.

"Hold my hand?" It was so soft, I barely heard it. I blindly reach out for her right hand with my left and interlace our fingers underwater. She smiles as soon as our hands were locked and I can't lie and say it feels gross because it doesn't. "Dare." I chuckle because I didn't even ask yet.

_Cute._

"I dare you to umm- _uhh_..." I'm quiet for a while then an idea hits me— _I'm so going to win this shit. _"Wait, close your eyes."

"What?"

"Just do it Fabray, that wasn't your dare by the way..." Quinn squeezes her eyes shut and I was about to get into position when she began talking, inadvertently interrupting my genius plan.

"Nope, if you're going to make me do something it should be counted as the dare." She chides me with a smirk and I roll my eyes. "Don't worry I won't open them, I promise. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Do I have a chance?"

My breath hitches in my throat and I feel my mouth go dry. _What? _"Huh?"

"You heard me, Santana." It's so cute how she's talking so seriously with her eyes closed... If I wasn't freaking out about my answer, I probably would be smiling at her right now. "Do I have a chance with you?" She repeats and my heart beat falters as my answer escapes my lips.

"Yeah." It just comes out, it was quiet as fuck but I know she heard it— the smile on her face is proof enough. "Okay, prepare to lose, Fabray— truth or dare?"

"Which one do you want me to pick?"

"Dare." She says_ 'okay, dare' _right after and I let go of her hand. I stand right in front of her and lean in, our lips almost touching. I know that my breath is hitting her lips... Cause I can feel hers on mine— plus, her body is tensing up and a tinge of pink is starting to appear on both of her cheeks. "I dare you not to kiss me right now." I whisper out and her breathing becomes significantly heavier. "Okay... 5, 4, 3—" In an instant, her lips were on mine and her arms were around my neck. It's a really rough kiss and I don't really know _why_ but I'm returning it with the same intensity. I push her off though when I feel her tongue poke out of her mouth and meet my front teeth. "I guess, I win." I breathe out and she nods absentmindedly, distancing herself from me.

"I guess so..."

"Relax, Quinn, it was just a game." I force out a chuckle and she shakes her head before getting out of the water. _Crap. _I quickly follow her, I try talking to her but she walks away... _What the hell?_ She comes back soon enough with two towels, she hands me one before drying herself off, refusing to even look at me. "Sorry, Q."

"Whatever it was_ just a game_, right?" The hurt evident in her voice is making me feel immensely guilty... Shit, well, that was a bad idea. "Come on, I should take you home."

"Don't get mad at me, alright? It was your stupid idea to start playing in the first place, wasn't it?"

_Anger is the best defense, always remember that._

"You're not supposed to be playing _with me_, Santana." She scoffs before putting on her clothes... It's obvious that she's having a tough time wearing her jeans since her legs were still wet. "Put on your clothes." I shake my head adamantly before placing my hands on her shoulders and forcing her to look at my face.

"I'm sorry but we're friends, Q and we were just messing around... No big deal."

"What if I don't want to be friends? What if I _can't_ just be friends with you?"

"It's not going to work out between us, Quinn..."

"How do you know?"

I ignore her question before angrily drying myself off and slipping on my clothes. I grab my shoes before marching into the house and out of the front door. I lean on the car while waiting for Quinn to show up... _What the hell did I just do?_ She finally exits the front door and unlocks the car. We both get in the vehicle and the drive to my house was insanely silent...

"Don't pick me up tomorrow." She mutters out a cold _'fine'_ and I get out of the car and walk to my house, stomping my feet the whole way.

For the first time ever... She drove off before I even got inside.

**July 24, 2011**

This fight with Quinn is so fucking stupid... I understand that what I did wasn't funny but _whatever_— it's over. Neither of us are approaching the other though and it's almost the end of the day. If she doesn't want to talk to me then _fine— _who gives a shit? It was weird having my dad drop me off this morning though, my whole daily routine was fucked and I hated it.

Such a bad day.

Right before the amusement park was going to close, Noah came up to me. "Santana, Mrs. Kit asked me to call you." I quirk an eyebrow at the boy but I don't say anything, I must be really out of it cause he led me all the way to the rides part and I didn't even notice until we got here. "Don't kill me, okay?"

"What the fuck?" I scream out when Noah lifted me off the ground. He starts running and it all just happened so fast, the next thing I knew I was sitting on one of the carts of the Ferris wheel with Quinn beside me. "Okay, _what the fuck_ is going on?" I ask angrily and the ride starts, lifting us up and away from the ground, making it impossible for me to escape.

"I want to talk and I don't want either of us to walk away without finishing, alright?"

"Whatever." I cross my arms over my chest, gritting my teeth.

"Look, I'm sorry I was so angry last night. I just lost it and _yeah_—" She sighs before looking down at her lap. Ugh, Quinn looks so lost and upset and it's making me feel like shit... "I guess I just didn't find your joke funny."

"Well, that's understandable, it wasn't a good joke." I shrug before forcing her to face me. "I'm sorry, Quinn, I shouldn't have done what I did..."

"No, you're not allowed to brush this off and pretend nothing happened. Stop making excuses, okay?" She takes a deep breath and scoots closer to me. "You told me that we should just be friends and I agreed but then last night happened... Tell me now that you honestly don't want to be more than friends with me." Her lips are so close to mine— I take in a deep breath through my nose, trying to keep my mind as sane as possible.

"I don't." I close my eyes when I feel her sweet breath on my lips. _It's intoxicating to be that close to someone you have feelings for... _In a split second, the electrifying feeling was gone though, Quinn was all the way on the other side of the cart once more. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She sighs heavily before using her hands to cover her face and rub her eyelids. "This is what I get for liking someone I barely know." An awkward chuckle follows her statement but we both were physically incapable of smiling. "I guess we should go down now... Your dad is probably looking for you."

"Yeah, probably."

"Let's just forget this all happened, okay? I'll stop annoying you so you can enjoy your last few weeks here. I can just avoid you and—" I shut her up with a kiss because her words were making me nauseous. The idea of Quinn leaving me alone for the rest of the summer sounds horrible and it's making me feel sick, tying my stomach into knots. I don't know if I like her, I really don't— but I know I want to keep her around. "What was that?" She pants out after the surprise kiss ends.

"I don't know... Can you not ask questions first? Cause I seriously have no clue... _You_— you're not allowed to avoid me, I don't want anything to change between us."

"That's fine, I don't want things to change either,_ I like us_..." She sends me one of her signature smiles before leaning in again, she stops right before our lips touch though. "May I?"

"Dork." I whisper out and smile when her lips press onto mine. Quinn's lips are super soft— like Brooke's. _Don't compare, idiot_. I shut out all the thoughts about my sorta-ex-girlfriend back in Seattle and focus on the way Quinn's lips are moving against mine perfectly. It's gentle but it's also amazingly intense... _Does that make sense? _Plus, she bites and _God_ that's such a turn on.

As soon as her tongue entered my mouth, I knew... This wasn't going to be the last time I kiss Quinn Fabray.

_Far from._

-x-x-x-x-

"Why are you home so late?" My dad asks me from the couch as soon as I enter the house. This is the first time one of my parents ever waited up for me... _Weird._ I'm aware that what I did was annoying— making him go to Fantascape and _not_ riding home with him but it's not my fault.

Blame Quinn for being _really _good at making out...

_Why am I home again?_

"I was just hanging out with Quinn."

"I thought you guys were fighting?"

"Yeah but we fixed it. Night, dad." I swiftly end the conversation before rushing to the foot of the stairs, I was about to run up the steps when he called my attention again.

"By the way, a package for you came in a while ago."

"Really? Okay, thanks." I make it up to my room and let out a sigh of relief. I quickly grab my phone and reply to Quinn's texts. _I feel like I'm flying, it's weird..._ I seriously missed feeling like this— the feeling where you can't stop the smile forming on your face...

_Ahh, the fucking best._

The package on my bed catches my eye and I quickly tear off the wrapper..._ Fuck my life. _My stomach drops when I see the bear I gave Brooke when we were 13. _Shit._ I reach for the small envelope attached to him (yes, he's a boy and not an object). I shakily open the hand-written note and prepare myself for the waves of painful guilt that I'm about to feel.

_Hi S,_

_Not talking to you is a lot harder than I thought but I'm willing to give you space... I just wanted to remind you though that I'm here, waiting for you. I wanted to make sure that you aren't too lonely out there so I sent you Mr. Teddy! Keep him safe for me, okay? I love you so much and I miss you more than words can express but I know August is right around the corner. :) We'll get through all of this, I know we will._

_x Brooke_

_-PS- I'm so sad that your pillow in my room stopped smelling like you, I think I cuddle with it too much. I miss you so much, it's insane. I'll see you really soon, alright? I love you._

I'm so fucking screwed— I place the teddy bear beside the unicorn and the sight made me feel sick... I change into sleeping clothes and go under my bed's covers. Right before I fall asleep, I grab one of the stuffed animals though, smiling as the familiar scent of my favorite perfume in the world filled the air.

Whatever, I'll deal with things day by day... I have the rest of my stay in Ohio to figure things out.

_5 more weeks._


	6. Chapter 6

******July 25, 2011**

Brooke. Quinn. Brooke. Quinn. Brooke.

Ugh. Seriously, fuck my life.

I made Mr. Teddy myself in Build-a-Bear when I was thirteen so there's no doubt that he's fucking awesome but _God_ is his timing shit... He just had to arrive last night, right? Ugh, now my stomach is in total disarray and I feel like absolute crap.

You can't cheat on someone if you aren't _really_ with them, right? So I'm not doing anything wrong... But if kissing Quinn is completely fine then why do I feel so fucking bad right now?

_Cause you know that in a way Brooke and you aren't over yet, you idiot. _

No, I can't feel guilty about this. I shouldn't... What Brooke did back in Seattle was way worse— cause she did it in the same city, _w__hen we were kinda together._ Or almost together..? I don't fucking know, it's too damn complicated, but I think I made it sort of clear that we were over and come on, I'm all the way in Ohio so I'm not at fault in any way.

_Right?_

Quinn makes me smile and this is my last high school summer so I should make the most out of it. Yeah, I'm _so_ right— _f__uck it._ I shouldn't feel guilty over all of this, nope, not at all.

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Dork, come over. _

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ It's before noon and you're awake? Woah. Good morning. :) _

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Get your ass over here. _

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ Be there in 10. _

I smirk before placing my phone down on my bed spread... I quickly pick it up again though to send just one more text, knowing it will somehow make me feel a little less guilty.

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Mr. Teddy arrived safely, just letting you know. _

**_Ignore Brooke: _**_I'm glad. :) Have a great day! _

I'm planning to get my mack on with Quinn the whole day..._ Yeah, it's gonna be great. _I worry my lip in between my teeth and sigh through my nose as I type out my reply.

**_Santana Lopez: _**_You too! _

Fuck.

_Just keep ignoring that weird feeling in your stomach, Santana._

-x-x-x-x-

I pull Quinn inside the house by her shirt's collar and crash our lips together as soon as the front door was closed. _Thank God my dad isn't home. _"_Mmm— _Santana, wait." She says breathlessly but I shake my head and continue pressing my lips onto hers. "No, seriously." I blindly lead the both of us to the couch and push her down, I straddle her hips and lock my arms behind her neck. "Chill!" Quinn raises her voice before keeping her lips completely still, forcing me to reluctantly stop kissing her. "Can we talk?"

I shake my head before getting off of her and sitting on the chair opposite of the couch. "Why? No, I don't want to talk... If it isn't obvious enough, I just want to get my mack on right now."

"I was hoping we could talk about things today... What is _this_ Santana?" She motions between the two of us with her left hand. "I'm not complaining or anything, I'm just really confused."

"It's _no_—" I bite my tongue before I could say anything that would hurt her feelings._ I'm going soft, fuck. _I take a deep breath to help me with collecting my thoughts and figuring out what words to use. "I mean, it's just me and you making the most out of my time left here in Lima." I shrug before crossing the living room again and sitting beside her. "It's simple and easy."

"But what happens when you—"

"Quinn, please don't complicate things." We just silently stare at each other for a while and I momentarily lose myself in her hazel eyes... Quinn opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off, knowing that listening to her would be detrimental in a sense. "I like spending time with you, alright? I wasn't really expecting to have fun in Lima but then I met you and even if you're such a loser all the time, you make me happy." I finish quietly and Quinn's face softens. "So please, don't complicate things."

"Yeah, okay, I won't." Quinn gives me a small smile before cupping my cheek and gently running her thumb over it. "Just don't forget that I_ really _like you, okay?"

"I won't." I lean in to her touch and she grins before kissing me on the lips._ Finally! _I start creeping my fingers under her shirt and I was just about to reach my goal when she gripped my wrist. "What now?" I mutter out exasperatedly and Quinn chuckles, she pecks my lips again before shaking her head.

"Let's take things slow, okay?" I raise an eyebrow, hoping that she's kidding but the expression on her face tells me that she's dead serious. _I haven't had sex since the start of summer..._ Ugh.

A girl has needs, okay?

I end up nodding though cause nodding meant I could at least kiss her and Quinn's kisses are pretty fucking addicting.

-x-x-x-x-

There were take-out containers all over the coffee table and the movie we were watching just ended, the credits rolling up the flatscreen. "Go on a date with me, San." Quinn tells me while combing her fingers through my hair. "A real one."

I look up at her from my place on her lap, I'm lying on the couch, resting my head atop Quinn's thighs. "Why? I don't see the point, we can just keep—"

"Just go on a date with me." She insists and I roll my eyes but nod anyway, aware that she's too stubborn to be dissuaded. "Tomorrow, I'm going to take you somewhere special."

"Can't we just do something normal? Like a movie or dinner tomorrow, _hell—_ even tonight."

"You don't take the most amazing girl in the world on a _normal_ date, Santana." She says with a small smirk on her lips, she leans down and places a lingering kiss on my forehead. I shiver slightly because for some fucking reason that small supposedly innocent kiss felt more intimate than every single one of our make out sessions combined. "So... Tomorrow?"

"Sure." I sit up and check the time on my phone. "You should go, my dad's going to be home soon... I'll just see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, okay." Quinn says with a sigh before standing up, I wrap my arms around her waist though and hold her tight. She looks down at me with a wide smile across her face. "You're hugging me."

"Yeah, and?" I shrug my shoulders, still holding her, pressing the side of my face into her shirt. "I think the hours we spent making out today sorta gives me the right to hug you."

"I like it." Quinn grins and pulls me up to my feet, she hugs me back tightly and kisses my right temple. "I'll see you tomorrow, beautiful."

"Mhmm." I nod before burying my face into her neck, wishing she could stay longer.

**July 26, 2011**

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Just tell me where we're going so I know what to wear! :| Stop being so difficult. _

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ I'm not being difficult, I just don't want to ruin the surprise! Wear any top but make sure to wear jeans. :) I'll see you at 7. _

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Ugh. Just. Tell. Me. _

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ Okay I will... _

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ Later. ;) _

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ ... Loser _

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ Just start getting ready! :x _

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Fine, oh and Quinn btw... No kissy faces when texting, it's gross. _

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ Haha, okay. :( Gotcha. _

I laugh before placing my phone down on the bedside table. I head to my closet and take out a pair of skinny jeans, a gray top and some flats. I put on some light makeup and I'm _done_... I prefer being underdressed over being overdressed and since Quinn won't tell me where the fuck we're going, I'm not taking any chances.

I lay down on my bed not really caring that my shoes were on my sheets... I reach for my phone and I scroll through my Twitter timeline since I still have like 30 minutes to kill until Quinn gets here.

A certain tweet catches my attention...

㈟0**BROOKEthePRINCESss:** _FLU. Staying in tonight. Cuddling with my favorite pillow & wishing someone would just come home already. :( _

My ego isn't big or anything but I know that tweet is for me even if she didn't mention my username cause... _Obviously._ I even bet that her _'favorite pillow'_ is the one that I left in her house. I hate myself for finding her cute, I also hate myself for partly wishing I could somehow go home for the night and take care of her.

**㈟0SantanaLopez:** ㈟2**BROOKEthePRINCEss** Feel better. :)

She replies instantly causing my phone to chime in my hands.

**BROOKEthePRINCEss: ㈟2SantanaLopez** THANK YOU! :) I'm feeling better already. I miss you!

I don't know why but I dial her number as soon as I read the reply... I'm already fooling around behind her back, talking to her while she's sick is the least I can do. _"Hello?" _I smile a little because she sounded funny since her nose was all clogged.

"You sound awful..."

_"I know, just text me. This is emba—" _

"No, I'm just kidding, Brooke." I quickly cut her off. "How are you?"

_"I feel crappy, you should totally come home and nurse me back to health, you could even wear your candy nurse outfit." _

I chuckle at her amusing words. "I wish I could but I told you, I'm coming home on the 3rd week of August."

_"Too far away... I miss you so much." _

"I miss you too." I whisper back, feeling my heart melt a little. It sucks that I'm actually telling the truth, in spite of everything that has happened_— I really do miss her._"Make sure to take your medicine and like get some rest, okay?" We both hear a beep on the line, meaning I received a message. "I gotta go, Brooke."

_"Yeah, okay... Thanks for acting like you still care, I appreciate it." _

"I _do_ still care about you, Brooke." I argue resolutely and I hear her sigh sadly.

_"I know you do__—_ what I mean is, thanks for actually showing it, I love you." Brooke sounds really sick and I feel bad for not being able to be there for her. _"You don't have to say it back... You can go now, S." _

"Yeah, okay, I'll check up on you later... Bye, B." With that I end the call and check my text messages, seeing Quinn's SMS at the top of my inbox.

**_QuinnTheLoser: _**_Outside. :) _

I try my best to rid my mind of anything connected to Brooke, I need to focus on my first official date with Quinn...

-x-x-x-x-

"Fuck, can I please take this blindfold off now?" I ask in an extremely exasperated tone and Quinn just chuckles in response. "Come on, Q this is so annoying."

"Fine, go for it." She tells me smugly and I quickly remove the fabric from my eyes. I don't even need to adjust to the light because there's barely any of it— it's so fucking dark, I still can't see anything... "Didn't help, huh?"

"Where are we?"

Quinn quickly interlaces our fingers and gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. "Relax, we're almost there." She leads both of us forward until we reach a double-door with light coming from its square windows, we both go through it and the change in brightness was blinding. I look around and realize we were in an empty ice rink..._ Huh? _We walk over to a wooden bench, which had ice skates, a couple of hoodies and jackets on top of it. "Take your pick." She grins at me and I raise an eyebrow, staring at the array of random objects and clothing.

"We're going ice skating?" She nods and I tilt my head to the side in utter confusion— out of everything that we could've done for our first official date...

_W__hy this? _

"When you take the most amazing girl in the world out on a date, it has to be special... Ice skating in the summer is pretty special, am I right?" She answers as if she somehow had the ability to read my mind, making me roll my eyes to hide the way her explanation made me truly feel. "Now, put something warmer on and I'll help you with those." She points at the ice skates and I immediately reach for the red McKinley high hoodie that I wore when we went to the grocery.

-x-x-x-x-

"How is this place even empty?"

Quinn shrugs before gliding over to me and slipping her hand into mine. "I told you I wanted our first official date to be special and having other random people around doesn't sound that appealing, does it?" I nod in agreement and kiss her on the cheek causing a huge smile to instantly appear on her face. "You know just cause of that little kiss, all of this is already worth it."

"You're such a dork, you know that?"

"You tell me everyday." Quinn shrugs, still grinning and I chuckle. "Are you happy though?"

I bob my head up and down earnestly before skating right in front of her and locking my arms behind her neck. "I'll be happier if we start making out though." I smirk out and she rolls her eyes playfully, I quickly press my lips onto hers roughly causing her to slide back a little, pulling me with her.

"Mmm, San, wait. We're gonna—" Quinn slips backwards and falls on her ass, bringing me down with her. "Making out on the ice isn't advisable." She chuckles and I grin. "We'd probably get in trouble if we weren't alone right now..."

"Well, _you're_ the one who chose this place." I kneel on the hard ice, in between her legs to kiss her on the lips again.

_So what if it's fucking cold? I want my Quinn-kisses... _

When we break away from each other, I shiver a little. "Okay, let's get you some cocoa." She grins before gracefully standing up on her blades, tugging me to my feet. We leave the actual ice rink and Quinn helps me take off the skates, we then walk up one of the bleachers. My eyes land on the drinks and food that Quinn prepared for the night, and also the beautiful bouquet of red roses atop one of the metal seats. She picks up the flowers and hands them to me, blood clearly rushing up both of our faces. "For you."

I look away shyly but I take them anyway, mumbling a soft _'thanks'_. "This night was amazing, Q."

"It's not yet over." She winks at me before handing me a wrapped up sub-sandwich. "I know it isn't fancy but I figured this wouldn't be the place for a steak dinner."

"No worries, it's perfect." I smile at her before unwrapping and taking a bite from the sandwich, she hands me a cup of hot cocoa and a bottle of water. During the meal we talk about random things— like really random crap that would make you wonder how on Earth we even got to those topics. I love that though, with Quinn nothing is ever boring, not even a supposedly simple dinner.

We finish up and head back out to the car, we left everything inside except for the red hoodie I was wearing and the bouquet of roses.

-x-x-x-x-

We end up in Quinn's secret place again and like the first time we were here together, the dark blue night sky was filled with vivid stars. We're both on the hood of the car and I'm resting my back against Quinn's front, sitting in between her outstretched legs. Her arms are holding me tightly and she keeps placing light kisses on my cheek and temple in between her sentences. "All of this is still so surreal."

"What is?" I ask softly, looking back a little so I could see Quinn's face more. "This summer?"

"Mhmm." She steals a quick kiss on my lips and grins cheekily. "I just didn't expect to meet someone like you."

"What do you mean _'someone like me'_?"

"Someone who makes all of the odds and the risks of being in a relationship worth it." Quinn shrugs before nuzzling my neck and inhaling deeply, my cheeks heat up a little because of the action and her words but I don't allow my shyness to show. "I never thought I would ever like someone this much..." She kisses my forehead and I lean into her hold even more. "_You're-_ you just make me_ feel_ so fucking much, I'm not used to it at all..." She confesses, her eyes starting to gleam because of her forming tears. "And, I don't really know how to deal with all of it but I'm trying my best because I know I'm _actually_ happy whenever you're around."

"Why are we talking about feelings?" I squeak out before clearing my throat and she chuckles, pressing her face into my shoulder. "I'm sorry, that wasn't the right thing to say, huh?" I say shakily and I feel her nod against my skin. "I'm just not good at this type of shit..."

"It's okay, neither am I." She lets out a deep breath and makes me look at her. "I need to tell you something... Santana, remember the last time we were out here and I told you about—" My phone starts ringing, cutting her off, I mouth a _'sorry'_ before taking the call.

"Dad?"

_"Tana, where are you? It's really late and you aren't back yet..." _

"Umm, we're on the way home already, don't worry... I'll see you in a while."

_"Okay, make sure to drive safely, bye." _I drop the call and Quinn sighs, brushing the back of her left hand over her eyelids. I turn around again to face her and cup her cheek, I tenderly trace small lines across it with my thumb, looking right into her bright eyes.

"What were you saying?" I ask in a soft tone and she looks away, shaking her head.

"It was nothing, I should get you home." She says quickly, almost stuttering over her sentence before slipping away from me and jumping off the metal hood. She helps me down and starts to silently walk away but I grab her wrist. "San, I don't want to piss your dad off even more, you should've been home almost two hours ago."

"No, what you were saying was important... So, continue— he can wait."

"It's nothing, okay?" She looks away again and I sigh heavily. "Come on please, let's just get you home."

"Fine but we're not finished, alright? You can tell me tomorrow..." Quinn nods and starts pulling away from me but I tighten my grip, I then use my free hand to hold her chin and make her directly look at my face. I lean in without a word and kiss her full on the lips, conveying everything I wanted to say but couldn't successfully put into words. "Thank you for making our first date so amazing, Q."

"You're welcome." She smiles at me before pecking my lips a couple of times. "Now, I have to get you home or else Mr. L is going to kick my ass." We both chuckle before reluctantly entering her car and driving off to my house.

My dad wasn't really mad when I got home, he just didn't like me being out past 1:30 in the morning... _I guess that's reasonable. _At least he doesn't think that I'm doing drugs or anything stupid— not because he trusts me but because he seems to really trust Quinn. Whatever, I still don't understand how they even know each other but if it meant that I was allowed to see Quinn then I'm not going to question it.

The dork was right... What we did tonight was so much better than watching some movie or having dinner out.

_Oh, yeah... I think I'm starting to really fall for Quinn._

**July 29, 2011**

So, Quinn didn't talk to me yesterday or the day before that.

_Like at all... _

No good morning texts, no random texts throughout the day and not even goodnight ones. Ugh. Two days straight of absolutely no communication... It's not that I'm clingy, it's just that I got used to talking to her _everyday_ so it's pretty fucking weird that she isn't being her normal self. _I get pretty attached quickly, okay? _That's why I hate letting people in.

It makes you unnecessarily vulnerable...

My phone buzzes and Quinn's name appears on the screen for the first time since the night of our date.

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ Are you ready? I'm outside. :) _

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Ya. _

I pocket my phone and slip my backpack on my shoulders before heading down the stairs. I shout a quick _'bye dad'_ before leaving the house. I silently go inside Quinn's car, making sure I snap on my seatbelt so she wouldn't annoy me by reminding me to put it on. I can see her looking at me through my peripheral vision, I wait for to say something— nothing but a weak sigh comes out of her mouth before she starts the car though.

_Fine then. _

Quinn hands me my breakfast before I get out of the car and I snatch it without looking at her. I grab the money box from Mrs. Kit's office and head to my booth, trying my best to stop myself from over thinking things...

_What the fuck is going on? _

-x-x-x-x-

Fantascape is close to being empty and I just finished counting the money I made today. It was night time and I haven't seen Quinn since the awkward car ride this morning, I take out my phone and send out a text.

**_Santana Lopez: _**_How are you? _

I know it's wrong to text her but I've been doing so many _'wrong'_ things lately— so it wouldn't really matter, right? Like I said in the past, I do still care about her and I'm honestly wondering how she's doing... I'm not just talking to her cause Quinn is being weird.

I'm really not...

**_Ignore Brooke:_**_ I'm feeling better. :) How are you? _

**_Santana Lopez: _**_I'm good, I'm at work. _

**_Ignore Brooke:_**_ You know you never told me what you're doing all the way in Lima... _

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ I did... I told you I needed to get away for a while. _

**_Ignore Brooke:_**_ I meant your job, silly! _

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Oh haha, I run a booth in an amusement park. _

**_Ignore Brooke: _**_That sounds fun. :) I miss you._

My eyes land on Quinn who was walking towards my booth with her eyes downcast, I quickly type out a reply to Brooke before stuffing my phone back into my pocket.

**_Santana Lopez: _**_Same. I have to go, I'll talk to you later or something. Take care of yourself!_

"Hey, can we talk?" I look up from the random object I was pretending to be staring at, and see a frowning Quinn Fabray. I shrug insouciantly before solemnly shaking my head— _no_. "Please?"

"You didn't seem like you wanted to talk two days ago or yesterday or even this morning so... _Nah_, I think I'll pass." I tell her coldly before fiddling with the money box on the counter, just to keep my hands busy and momentarily break the uncomfortable eye contact.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

"What are you sorry for exactly, Q?" I challengingly lift an eyebrow and she takes a deep breath before sighing through her nose.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you." _Ouch— _I already knew she was ignoring me but it _still_ hurt to hear her admit it... I avert my eyes again and she climbs over the booth's barrier, entering my workspace without my consent. "I'm sorry for being so distant and stupid... I don't know what's wrong with me, San. _I just—_ I needed some time to like figure stuff out."

"If _this_ is too complicated for you, I can make it simple... We don't have to be anything, Q." I tell her in a serious tone, I don't really know if I mean the things that are coming out of my mouth but all I know is I don't want to get hurt in the end of all of this. "It's been fun and everything but we don't have to—"

She cuts me off with a hard kiss and I try to keep my lips still or fight her off but I _can't_... Her hands end up on my hips and she pulls me closer, deepening the lip lock by delving her tongue into my mouth. When we stop kissing, I look around breathlessly, making sure no one saw us. "Listen to me, I'm so sorry, alright? I don't want whatever we have to be over... That's the farthest thing from what I want, I just got a little scared but I meant what I said when I told you that you are worth all of the risks..."

I don't know what to say exactly so I just end up nodding because all I _really_ know is that I don't want what we have to end either... "I think I like you too." I bite my tongue as soon as the words tumble out and I feel my cheeks instantaneously heat up— _well, that was cheesy as fuck_... Quinn is grinning though and I hit her lightly on the shoulder. "Stop it, don't laugh at me."

"I'm not laughing." She chuckles out, baring her teeth and I glare at her. "It's just funny cause it took you so long to say it when we both know you can't resist me." Quinn teases and I stick my tongue out at her, she leans in and kisses me again and I unknowingly smile against her lips. "I promise, I won't hurt you."

"That's a big thing to promise..."

"I know." She wraps her arms around me and pulls me in, close enough for me to feel her heart beat above her clothes. "Trust me though, I like you way too much to hurt you."

**July 30, 2011**

As soon as I exit the front door of my house, I spot a familiar little blonde head. "Sanny!" I grin widely when Lucy runs towards me from Quinn's car, I quickly pick her up and hug her. "I missed you!"

"Missed you more, Luce." I place her back down on her feet and Quinn walks up to the both of us, kissing me on the cheek. I let out a quiet _'hey'_ and she smiles. "Tell me you're going to hang out with us in Fantascape today." I tell Lucy, pretending to pout.

"Yup!" Lucy exclaims excitedly before tugging me towards Quinn's car, I twist my neck and see a loving look painted on Quinn's face, her hazel eyes glued to our interconnected hands.

-x-x-x-x-

"Sanny, what's going on with you and Quinn?" Lucy asks me while her cousin was getting us our food, my eyes widen and I look at her with a confused look, tilting my head towards my right shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

"You're a lot nicer to her." Lucy shrugs. "Not as nice as you are to me but I don't know, it's just different."

"You noticed, huh?" I grin before ruffling her golden hair. "Well, we've been getting along more, I guess." Quinn comes back with the food and she sits beside me so we were both across Lucy. "Thanks."

"See! Like that, you're looking at her weirdly." Lucy exclaims before reaching for some fries. "What's going on with you two?"

Quinn stares at the little girl with an amused expression on her face. "Can you keep a secret, Lucy?" The little girl nods eagerly and I chuckle, reaching for one of the plastic bottles of soda. "Santana was abducted by aliens and this Santana is a different one from the one you met before." I purse my lips into a thin line and I look at Lucy who was starting to pout, I quickly smack Quinn on the thigh and give her a_ 'what the fuck'_ look. "I'm just joking, Lucy. I swear, scout's honor and everything." She raises her right hand and Lucy visibly relaxes. "Santana and I we're kinda- _umm_— we are..."

"We're dating, Lucy." I wrap it up for Quinn before she can cause anymore damage and she flashes me a small grateful grin. "Are you okay with that?"

Lucy takes a bite from her cheeseburger before nodding. "That's awesome but you mean she's dating _dating_ you, right? Like how parents date?" I choke on my drink and I look at Quinn for help.

"Not _that_ serious, Luce but something like that... Santana and I are just having fun but you're not allowed to have this kind of fun until you're like 40, alright?" She extends her pinky towards Lucy and the little girl wraps hers around Quinn's.

_Oh Luce, you don't know what you're getting yourself into... _

"It's okay, I heard you can get cooties by dating and I don't want that." She scrunches her face in disgust and I laugh out loud. "I still find it pretty cool that you're actually dating someone, Q... I thought you said that falling in love was just in fairytales?"

Quinn's eyes shift towards me and she gives me a nervous smile. "I stand corrected." She shrugs before holding my hand under the table, interlacing our fingers tightly. "Hurry up and eat your food, kiddo, I have to get you back to Nana before she gets mad at me again."

We finish our lunches and I carry Lucy all the way to the office just cause she asked me to... _That kid has me wrapped around her finger, no joke._ Quinn was now dropping me off at the milk bottle booth but I stop her before she can leave, grabbing the edge of her shirt. "Wait, can we talk about that thing you wanted to tell me last Tuesday?" I notice her eyes expand slightly and I see her shift her feet. "I'm just curious... What were you going to tell me?"

"It was nothing, San, don't worry about it, alright?" She leans in and quickly kisses me on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight, we just have to drop of Lucy then I'm all yours." She smirks at me and I roll my eyes. "Bye, gorgeous." Quinn steals another quick kiss, this time on my lips before running off to the direction of Spacescape.

-x-x-x-x-

We're in the car, on the way to Mrs. Kit's house to drop off Lucy— we actually just came from that ice cream parlor she loved because she was near tears when she found out that she was already going home for the night. "You really can't come, you know that you have to make it back before bed time, Luce... I promise that we'll all hang out again tomorrow though. You don't have to go back to your dad's till Monday, remember?"

"Fine but make sure I get to see Santana too, alright?" Lucy says softly and to be honest I think my heart broke a little...

_This kid will be the death of me. _

"Of course, I'll see you tomorrow, I promise... I love spending time with the Fabray cousins." I grin at her from the rearview mirror, expecting a smile in return but when I hear a soft _'huh?' _in response,my expression changes into a confused one. I turn around in my seat to get a better look of Lucy's bewildered face. "I mean, I love spending time with you and Quinn."

"Oh, I know _that_ but Quinn isn't my cousin..." Lucy explains and I glance at Quinn whose eyes were wide open._ What the fuck?_ The vehicle enters the gates of another huge house and I'm really wondering how rich this family is..._ Wait, focus, Quinn lied to me. _A middle-aged woman in a uniform comes to the car and picks Lucy up, I hugged the little girl goodbye and kept my cool but once the door was closed shut, I abruptly turned to face Quinn.

"What does she mean that you two aren't cousins? You told me she was your cousin!" I say angrily and Quinn sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. "What the fuck, Quinn?"

"I can explain..."

"I don't need an explanation." I huff out and take a deep breath to futilely pacify my seething anger. "Just answer one question... Did you lie to me or not?" Of course, I already knew the answer but I needed her to _say it_ to justify my anger.

So I guess, Quinn _isn't_ perfect.

"I did but—"

"Take me home." I cut her off and a hurt look flashes on her face, I bite my lip, trying to stop myself from stupidly tearing up. I'm so mad, I can feel the rage flowing through my veins... When she doesn't start the car right away, I yell at her. "Take me home _now_, Quinn!"

"Please, just let me explain first..." She says shakily with tears already in her eyes, I shake my head and reach for the car door's handle, she quickly locks it though.

"If you don't take me home right now, I'm gonna fucking walk."

"Okay, fine." She says in a defeated, dejected tone before shifting the car back into drive and reluctantly bringing me to my house. She tried talking to me again when we were on my street but I wasn't having any of it, I swiftly got out of the car, slammed the door shut and marched to my house without bothering to look back.

-x-x-x-x-

"Hey, Brooke... How are you?"

_"Baby, what's wrong?" _It's insane how she can tell _exactly _how I'm feeling by the sound of my voice, and vice versa. _"Are you okay?" _

"I'm fine, I just really miss you..."

**July 31, 2011**

Quinn has been calling and texting non-stop, I even called Brooke last night just so my phone would be busy when Quinn dialled... Well, _that_ among other reasons like I was pissed as fuck and I needed someone to talk to. And, for some reason I really wanted that person to be Brooke cause _duh__— _she's my best friend and I _always_ talk to her whenever I'm upset. Of course, I didn't tell her what was _really_ wrong though... That would've just led to even more drama that I didn't need, or want in my life.

Oh by the way, I'm skipping work today... I really don't want to see Quinn— no. I even told my dad to tell her I was sick when she came over to pick me up this morning. A piece of my heart chipped off when I saw that Lucy was in the car but...

I seriously can't deal with Quinn today.

Grr, the annoying texts haven't stopped coming in since last night...

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ I'm so sorry. Please just let me explain._

**_QuinnTheLoser: _**_Please. Talk. To. Me. _

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ 5 minutes, San... That's all I need. _

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ Lucy is wondering why you're not coming to work today. :( You promised you would hang out with her today... _

I roll my eyes at the most recent message— _low blow_. I throw my phone onto my bed and I head to my shower, hoping the warm water could somehow just wash all the anger away, draining my body of all feelings.

_Things always get fucked up when feelings are involved... It's like inevitable. _

Case in point, I start kind of liking Quinn then _this_ shit happens. Ugh. Wait, I'm confused... Is it even possible to like two people at the same time? Cause I know that I still feel _something_ for Brooke but I'm sure there's also _something_ going on between Quinn and I (well, there _was_). _There's no use denying it anymore, I already told her that I liked her... _Everything about this whole situation is so fucking frustrating but for some reason I'm also sort of relieved.

Finally, Quinn Fabray has a real flaw. I know I should give her a chance to explain but then I feel like I'll end up forgiving her once she does... And, if I forgive her then I'm going to continue falling for her.

_ Do I really want that? _

I live in Seattle, which is more than 2,000 miles away from Lima. _What the fuck is going to happen when this summer ends? _I groan in frustration before washing away the suds from my body. I dry off using a newly laundered towel, and put on a shirt and some sweats before heading to the kitchen to eat something.

-x-x-x-x-

"Get off my porch, now."

"Please, San just let me explain." She places one of her hands in between the door and its frame, meaning I can't close it without painfully crushing her fingers. _Hmm tempting... _"Give me a chance."

"I don't want to, you're a fucking liar." I shout back and Quinn sighs, frowning deeply and visibly hurt by my words.

"Give me 5 minutes and afterwards you can decide whether or not you still want me in your life, I swear I'll respect your decision, just at least let me explain, _please_."

I open the door all the way and fold my arms over my chest defensively, I make sure to keep my expression cold. "5 minutes, Fabray." She puts down the box and flowers that she was holding before biting her lower lip, I can see the tears forming in her eyes and I fight the strong urge to wrap my arms around her. "Hurry, I don't have all night... My dad will be home soon."

"Lucy isn't my cousin—"

"I know that already—"

"Just fucking let me finish!" She raises her voice and the tears start streaming down her cheeks, I bite my tongue and nod my head for her to continue. "Lucy isn't my cousin, she's my niece... She's Charlie's daughter and-_ Charlie is my-_ Charlie is dead." She sobs out through a hiccup before collapsing right on my porch, Quinn pulls her knees to her chest before burying her face into the denim material of her jeans. "My sister died 3 years ago in a car accident and this is the first time I ever said it out loud, what the hell is wrong with me?" Quinn asks shakily and I kneel down to awkwardly hug her and kiss the top of her head.

_Shit, shit, shit... I'm not good with these kinds of things._

She buries her face in my shirt and starts crying _hard_, I hold her as tight as I can and once she relaxes a little, I pull us both inside— in case my neighbors get nosy or something. "I'm so sorry for lying to you, San but I just I don't know— it's so hard to admit that she's gone... Everyone in this town knows but I just wanted to pretend that with you none of that shit happened, and then it wouldn't hurt when you're around because Charlie wouldn't even exist. I'm such an idiot and now I lost you."

"Quinn, come on... You didn't lose me and you aren't an idiot, I'm sorry for being a bitch and not letting you explain. I understand though and I'm not mad at you for lying, I get it now." I say comfortingly, lovingly wiping the tears coating her face. "Please, stop crying."

"I'm just so, so sorry, Santana... I promised that I wouldn't hurt you and I did by lying to you."

"Hey, stop... I overreacted, Q._ I just—_ I'm fucked up too, alright? Maybe that's why this thing between us actually works, cause we're both so messed up inside." I force a chuckle to lighten the mood and she gives me a small teary smile in exchange. "Let's just pretend none of this happened, we're okay, Quinn. I promise— we're okay."

"But—"

"No buts, we're fine." I kiss her on the lips and even if it's weird and salty cause of her dripping tears, it doesn't fucking matter. "Now, stop crying and get off my floor cause if my dad gets here and sees us like this, I wouldn't know how to explain this to him." I stand up first before pulling her to her feet and straightening out her crumpled shirt.

"So... Cake?" She says with an adorable grin after composing herself, it's about ten times cuter because her eyes are all shiny and her nose is all red but she's grinning like the usual Quinn. I lift an eyebrow in confusion and she shrugs one shoulder. "I brought you a cake, it's outside." She reopens the front door and grabs the box and flowers from the porch, she hands me the purple hyacinths and I tilt my head to the side. "They mean _'I'm sorry, please forgive me'_, I asked the girl in the flower shop and everything."

"You're such a dork..."

"Wait until you see the cake." Quinn opens the lid of the cardboard box, revealing a cake covered in yellow frosting that had something spelled out on it in light blue icing.

_'I am so sorry, I know I suck.  
I really hope you don't hate me! :(' _

I laugh before dipping my hand into the cake box and covering it with sticky frosting. I wipe my hand on Quinn's face, making sure to avoid getting the yellow mess into her eyes but to smear it everywhere else. I then lean in and give her a sloppy kiss, lapping up a bit of the frosting into my mouth for a taste. "Yum." I lick my lips before smirking and she laughs adorably. "I forgive you, loser."

"Good, cause now it's time for some _revenge_." She coats her own hand with frosting and I start walking backwards, trying to put distance in between us to keep myself safe. "You won't mind being covered in this stuff since it tastes good, right?"

"Quinn, don't you even _da_—" _Too late_, before I can even finish my hollow threat, the sticky yellow and blue crap was smeared all over my face. We both take more chunks of the cake and have a messy food fight in the middle of my living room, majority of the dessert ends up on the floor, our faces and our bodies... "You know that we have to clean this shit up before my dad comes home, right?"

Quinn nods in understanding before getting up from the floor and hovering over me. "Let's start with your face." She leans in and I place my hands on both of her shoulders to stop her from getting any closer.

"If you lick me, I _will_ kill you, I swear." I say in a serious tone and she sighs exaggeratedly, mouthing back a faux-annoyed _'fine' _and rolling off of me. "By the way, Q..." She replies with an _'mmm?'_ and I continue, a smile tugging on the corners of my mouth. "I can't hate you, I like you too much."


	7. Chapter 7

**August 1, 2011**

"Quinn, come on, please." Quinn is currently carrying me towards the water and I'm desperately trying to squirm out of her hold but it's not working._ Fuck, she's going to throw me in the swimming pool..._ I know that this was all essentially Lucy's idea but _still_— the kid isn't the one holding me right now. "Can we talk about this?" I tighten my grip around her neck and pout.

"Luce, she's asking if she can negotiate... What do you think?"

"Throw her in the pool!" I shoot Lucy a pleading look but she shakes her head, an evil grin on her face. The kid's seriously lucky that she's cute... "You broke a promise, Sanny... I'm sorry but this is your punishment, promise breakers suck."

"Fine." She's right anyway... _Promise breakers suck. _"Go ahead, Q but I swear I'm not gonna forget this." I stick my tongue out at Quinn and she leans in to kiss me, surprising me a little. Mid-kiss she jumps in, with me still in her arms and the next thing I know we're both soaked inside the pool. "What the hell, Q?" I splash water on her face and she wipes it off before grinning at me as if she didn't do anything wrong.

"What? I broke a promise too, right? We both deserve this." Quinn shrugs her shoulders before wrapping her arms around my body and pulling me nearer. "I'm a fair person, S. I'm no cheater—" Her soft whispers were cut off by Lucy's semi-disgusted voice.

"Eww, it isn't much of a punishment if you guys start kissing in the pool..." My cheeks heat up and I break away from Quinn's embrace, she flashes me a sheepish smile before interlacing our fingers and leading us out of the water. Lucy walks over to me with a fluffy towel, which I quickly used to dry myself with. "We're cool now, Sanny." She smiles at me before hugging me, I kneel down so I could hug her better.

"Yeah, Lucy, _thanks_... Santana's the _only_ one who needs a towel, huh?" Quinn says sarcastically and Lucy looks at her with a raised eyebrow, challengingly staring back at her aunt. _I swear, this kid is really a mini-Quinn. _"I'm _totally_ not dripping wet right now..."

"Get your own towel, Q, it was my idea to throw San in the pool so it's just right that I give her a towel... It was your idea to _jump_ in the pool, therefore you should get your own." Lucy shrugs her shoulders coolly and I start laughing my ass off— the kid has a valid point. The little girl grins widely when Quinn's mouth opens but no words come out. "I love you, Quinny."

"Love you too, kiddo." Quinn grumbles before jogging off to one of the recliners to get her own towel. She comes back drier but her clothes were still pretty damp, like mine. "Okay Luce, I have to drive you to your dad's place in like an hour." Lucy starts pouting but Quinn continues. "Don't worry, we'll see you soon and Santana's going to come drop you off." She shifts her eyes to me and I give her a slight nod to wordlessly tell her that I'm cool with the plan.

"Fine." Lucy lets out a dramatic sigh and I stare at her with a small smile on my lips, finding all of the kid's actions incredibly endearing. "But can we get—"

"Yes, we'll get you some ice cream." Quinn anticipates the younger blonde's wishes, rolling her eyes playfully when Lucy grins victoriously. "Now, go pack up your stuff while Santana and I change."

-x-x-x-x-

"Santana, we need to—" I shut her up with another rough kiss and smirk when I feel her hands relax— and to think she was trying to push me off of her just a second ago... "We shouldn't be doing this right now." She struggles out when I start trailing wet kisses down her neck. "This isn't right, we're taking things—"

"_Slow_, I know." I rush out, trying to unhook her bra— we're both just in our underwear since I kinda unexpectedly straddled Quinn on her bed before she could even get us some dry clothes... She grabs both of my wrists and keeps them still causing me to groan out in frustration.

"Santana, _this_ isn't slow..." She tells me breathlessly and I shrug my shoulders, giving her an annoyed _'so' _in return. She rolls away from me, getting up from the bed and finally going to her closet. "What do you want to wear?"

"Obviously, _nothing_." I reply to her in an irritated voice before plopping down onto her bed. "I want us to have sex, Q."

"Yeah, I know that but we _can't_."

"Why not?" I sit up and raise an eyebrow at her and she just shrugs before tossing me a pair of shorts, a loose black shirt and Superman panties. I want to chuckle at her interesting lingerie choice but we're arguing so... _No._ "I'm leaving in less than 3 weeks, why the hell are we even taking things slow?"

"Because you're leaving in less than 3 weeks and you're just seventeen." She says through a sigh before entering her en-suite bathroom with her own set of clothes. "You better be changing." I hear her shout from the other side of the door, I roll my eyes but dress up anyway. She comes back out after a few minutes fully clothed... Grr_. _"Give me your bra, I'll put it in the dryer real quick since I can't really lend you one."

I toss it to her unceremoniously and she leaves the room. I look around Quinn's bedroom, I don't really know why she lives in Mrs. Kit's house or where her parents are but I can't really ask her those kind of questions.

_I obviously suck at awkward conversations..._

A framed photo on the bedside table catches my eye and I reach out for it. It's a picture of Quinn beside another pretty blonde, probably Charlie. I let out a deep breath, we didn't really discuss things last night. After her confession, we just goofed off cause _fuck_— I honestly don't know how to talk about shit like that.

I'm the type of person who runs away from her problems and tries her best to avoid all forms of confrontation, hence the random decision to spend this summer break in Lima...

"What are you doing?" Quinn's voice startles me enough to drop the frame, thank God I dropped it on the soft bed though. I quickly replace it back on the table before folding my arms over my chest, maintaining my stony demeanor, she sits down beside me and I hastily look away. "Are you _seriously_ mad at me cause I don't want to have sex with you?"

"Well, thanks for saying it like _that_, Q." I retort sarcastically and she holds her head in her hands, clearly frustrated by the way I was acting.

"You know what I mean... I want to San, I really, _really_ want to but like I don't want to rush things."

"How can you not want to rush things when you know that I'm going back to Seattle soon? And, don't give me that bullshit about me being seventeen cause I'm almost eighteen, I'm not some kid and I'm fucking old enough to make my own choices."

"Cause you're special and I like you... I don't want to just do _it _with you like it doesn't mean anything because I want it to mean something, I'm well aware that we don't have a lot of time left but whatever I'm not in this for sex."

So we're not even gonna have sex before I leave? It's not that sex is the only thing on my mind, okay? It's just that it's been months since I've gotten any action and I know I like Quinn, so it makes sense for us to be together in _that_ way... Well, I guess Quinn doesn't get it though, ugh_. _"Fine, whatever."

Quinn snuggles into my side and starts placing kisses all over my face. "Don't- be- mad- at- me." She says in between playful pecks and I try to stop myself from smiling but it's _so _hard... She nuzzles my neck and I sigh defeatedly, finally curling my lips into an unstoppable smile.

"I'm not mad at you, Q."

"Promise?"

"Promise." She grins before capturing my lips for a heated kiss, it was all tongue and teeth and it left me fucking breathless in seconds. She tugs at my bottom lip with her front teeth before breaking the kiss completely, leaving me with my lips all puckered and both my eyes still closed.

"Come on, we have to bring Lucy to her dad's."

"You're such a fucking tease, you know that, right?" Quinn just smirks before getting up from the bed and helping me up because I was being lightheartedly difficult. "I hate you."

"Well, I _like_ you... Oh and don't forget that we need to get your bra before we go." She wiggles her eyebrows and I look down at my chest and blush before smacking Quinn on the arm. "I'm just kidding, babe." She kisses me on the cheek before holding my hand and leading us out of her room.

She's just lucky that I like her too...

**August 3, 2011**

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ I can't come over today… I'll see you tomorrow? :(_

I'm not supposed to be _this_ affected by that text… Okay, I'm not seeing the dork today— _big deal, San._ I was just with her yesterday so it's not like I miss her already, alright? That would be stupid and gross cause come on, I was fucking just with her…

Ugh.

When did I start caring so much? I don't think I should be feeling like _this_ over something so trivial as not seeing Quinn today. It's like I'm too bored to function when I'm not with her, like there's literally nothing to do. I'm getting so attached… Too attached.

_Holy shit, this is bad._

If not seeing Quinn for a day already has this kind of effect on me, what more when I leave for Seattle on the 20th? I fucking went to Lima to make my life simpler… _Not for this._ I didn't come here to start liking some blonde loser— I came here to think about Brooke and figure shit out…

So what the fuck have I been doing?

It's just unfair that Quinn is so fucking sweet... You can't say that I didn't try to stop myself from liking her. Cause _goddamn it_— I practically did everything to get her to back off but she's just so persistent and annoying.

_And adorable... _

Crap, I'm screwed.

I need to tell Quinn about Brooke soon, I also need to tell Brooke about Quinn soon… I know everything is so fucked up, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore— all I know is that I don't want to lose either of them. Yeah, I know it's selfish but I honestly don't know if I'm even capable of losing one of them… I just really don't want to regret whatever I end up doing, okay?

It's all too fucking complicated… And, I hate it.

My phone buzzes with another message from Quinn.

**_QuinnTheLoser: _**_I miss you by the way, don't be mad… :(_

**_Santana Lopez: _**_I'm not mad. I miss you too, well kinda._

Always play it cool, Lopez.

**_QuinnTheLoser: _**_It feels weird not being with you right now._

**_Santana Lopez:_**_ Don't get too attached, Fabray. ;)_

Oh the sweet irony, I really should follow my own advice, huh?

I don't think I can though...

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ Too late for that.. I'll see you tomorrow. :)_

Oh yeah, _that's_ why I can't— how can you not get attached to someone who's basically perfect? She always knows exactly what to say or what to do and it's just so frustratingly unfair.

_Quinn Fabray fucking sucks._

**August 5, 2011**

"What do you want to do after work later?"

"Let's go on a date but like I'll be the one who like decides what we're gonna do." I shrug my shoulders and smile at Quinn who was sitting on the wooden counter. She quirks an eyebrow and smirks at me. "What?" I ask, forcing myself to sound as annoyed as possible.

"Santana Lopez, are you asking me out on a date?"

"You're such a loser…" Quinn jumps from her seat and pulls me to her, she hugs me tightly and nuzzles my neck, making me giggle unwillingly. "Quinn, stop it, it tickles—" _Bad idea..._ She starts full-on tickling my sides and I try to get away from her but she corners me. "Please, _stop_." I say breathlessly, finally gripping both of her hands.

"I'm sorry, you're just too cute when you're like this." She grins at me before shaking away my hold and grabbing my hips. I lock my hands behind her neck and smirk at her. "Why do you have that look on your face?"

"Cause I know that you're gonna kiss me now."

"Is that so?" She backs me up even more, making me rest against one of the booth's walls. Quinn leans in enough for her breath to ghost my lips, _close but not close enough_. My breath hitches in my throat when I see her lick her bottom lip— _she's sexy_. "Nope, I don't think so." She moves to the side and kisses me on the cheek before letting go of my body and walking away, purposefully swaying her hips.

I groan loudly and glare at her. "What the fuck?"

_Always such a fucking tease... _

"You're taking me out on a date tonight, right? It isn't a good idea to kiss before the date, Lopez. But maybe if you play your cards right later, you'll get lucky..." She winks at me and I scowl in response, immaturely sticking my tongue out at her.

"I fucking hate you."

"You don't mean that."

"I so do." I fold my arms over my chest and Quinn shakes her head. In mere seconds, I was hoisted on top of the booth's wooden counter, I didn't even have enough time to close my eyes before Quinn kissed me— _hard and rough_. Her lips smacking into mine with more force than I'm used to and her tongue delving into my mouth without warning. When the passionate kiss was over, she rested her forehead against mine and cupped my left cheek, rubbing it gently.

"You really need to stop saying you hate me, Santana..."

"It doesn't matter cause I don't mean it." I tell her softly, still a bit out of breath and she smiles before pecking at my lips again. "Even when I say I do..." I chuckle and she grins, she kisses me one last time before finally distancing herself and giving the both of us enough space to breathe properly.

"I have to go do my job and I have to let you focus on yours." She checks the time on her wristwatch. "I'll see you later, do I need to fix—"

"Quinn, I said I was going to plan this one out, right?" Quinn nodded, a shy smile on her lips. "So it's all up to me but I need you to let me drive your car."

"Yeah, sure. Just be careful cause—"

"I know, Q... Don't worry, now go cause I swear you're gonna get us both in trouble— _again_." She nods and places a clumsy kiss on my cheek before finally leaving my booth and running off to finally do her job. I roll my eyes but smile like a fucking idiot, watching her until she disappears from my view completely .

-x-x-x-x-

"How do you know about this place?" Quinn asks me when I finally stop the car, she gets out and looks around. "I haven't been here since I was a kid." She says as soon as she heard my own door close.

"Promise you won't laugh?" She looks at me and solemnly shakes her head. "I used to spend my summers in Lima, right? To be with my dad and stuff, well, I used to bug him to take me to Fantascape and this lake all the fucking time. I guess it's because I grew up in the city so amusement parks and lakes were unusual." I shrug my shoulders, not really sure where I was going with this. "My best childhood memories were out here in Ohio though, I actually don't understand why I stopped visiting when I turned 11... Err, I don't know why I'm even telling you this, Q." I chuckle awkwardly and she steps closer to me. "_It's just_— I want to say that I'm really glad that I decided to come here this summer, I know I'm like such a bitch to you but you know that you're important to me, right?"

"You're not a bitch, San." Quinn hugs me tightly and kisses the corner of my mouth. "I know, and you're important to me too." She tells me sincerely, we end up sitting on the hood of her car as per usual, eating the food I packed for our dinner. _I'm not good at planning dates, okay? _I tried to make this as awesome as possible though, considering I only began planning it when I woke up this morning... "I actually used to go here all the time, it would've been funny if ever we met each other when we were younger, huh?"

"I probably wouldn't have liked you, I barely like you now." I tell her jokingly and she playfully glares at me but I kiss her and she starts smiling again. "That would've been pretty cool though..."

"Yeah, if ever that did happen, you would've met Charlie too... I think she would've liked you a lot since you know how to stand your ground and speak your mind."

"Quinn, we don't have to—"

"No, it's okay. I _want_ to and it's weird cause I never want to talk about what happened but like I just really want to tell you, and I'm so sick of keeping it all in..." I nod, urging her to continue despite the fact that my heart was trembling in my chest. She takes a deep breath and I interlace our fingers, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Charlie was sixteen when she had Luce, I swear I couldn't believe it when she told me she was pregnant... I was sure she was kidding but then she _wasn't_, my parents of course flipped and they kicked her out. Fabrays aren't allowed to fuck up like that..." She lets out a bitter chuckle and I snuggle closer to her. "I don't know what happened exactly, all I know was she was depressed— she hated Lucy's dad but she was stuck with him. One night, she was driving home from some bar and she swerved off the road cause she was so drunk— Lucy was barely 2 years old when she died."

"I don't know what to say, Q..."

"You don't have to say anything, it's enough being able to talk to you like this, trust me." She smiles at me and kisses my forehead. "When Charlie died, my parents wanted us to move out of town, to get away from all of it... I couldn't go with them though, I couldn't leave Lucy. In a way she makes me feel like my sister is still around, I really fucking love that kid."

"She loves you too."

"Yeah, I know she does but I feel like I don't deserve it though, Charlie should be the one around, she should be the one hanging out with Lucy all the time."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I don't know, I just feel like I don't deserve to be Lucy's role model, when Charlie died I stopped trying— I gave up cheerleading, I stopped studying, I distanced myself from everyone I cared about... I was too scared to let anyone get close to me cause people always disappear." I notice the tears streaming down her cheeks so I wipe them away with my thumb. "I don't even understand why I approached you during your first day in Fantascape, there was just something about you, San. I don't know... I know I was trying way too hard but I really wanted to get to know you so I gave it my all."

"Don't say that, of course you deserve to be her role model, Lucy's really lucky to have you in your life." I make Quinn look me in the eye, using eye contact to convey the sincerity behind my statement. "And, I'm glad you went up to me that day, Q, trust me." I kiss her on the lips softly. "I'm sorry that I'm so difficult to be with."

"You're _not_ and please don't apologize for something like _that_, okay? I like how you are— _I like you_."

"I need to tell you something—" Quinn cuts me off by capturing my lips for another kiss, a significantly more passionate one. "Wait, Q—"

"No, I don't want to talk about sad things anymore... This is the first date you took me on and I want it to end happily, alright?" The look on her face was enough for me not to argue with her.

"Okay." She positions herself to hover over me, she traces my lips with her thumb before kissing me slowly. Her lips encompassing my bottom one and her tongue slowly slipping through my teeth to meet my own.

_Perfection. _

I can't believe I was about to ruin the night by telling her about Brooke...

**August 6, 2011**

_"Hi."_

"Hey..."

_"I miss you."_

"I miss you too." I let out a deep breath, trying to stop the gut-wrenching guilt from killing me. "What's up, Brooke?"

_"I was just thinking about you... I can't wait to see you."_

"Same, I need to see you." I reply in an even voice, I need to tell her about all of the shit I've been doing behind her back, I need to come clean. "I have to talk to you..."

_"Do you mean that?"_

I scrunch up my eyebrows at her tone but brush past the vague question. "Yeah, of course I do... We need to—"

"Santana, Quinn is here!" My dad yells from downstairs and I let out a frustrated sigh. I hear Brooke huff on the line, obviously overhearing the announcement but I act oblivious, clearing my throat.

_Way too awkward... _

"Brooke, I need to go... I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

_"Alright, see you soon, I love you."_

I hang up and stuff my phone in my back pocket before grabbing my bag and rushing outside to Quinn's car.

-x-x-x-x-

"I'm gonna kill you two!" I yell at Quinn and Noah who both sandwiched my bumper car. "This isn't fair... Q, why aren't you helping me?" I whine out and Quinn chuckles, spinning around the small area.

"Bros before hoes, Santana— _b__ros before hoes._" Noah smirks at me and I flip him off before maneuvering away from the two of them. Once I was in position, I floor the pedal and bump Noah's car from behind— his whole body jerks forward and I laugh. "Quinn, control your girl!"

"San isn't a hoe, Noah so you're on your own on this one." Quinn shrugs her shoulders before bumping Noah too. "God, I fucking love working here."

"Right? I swear, I can't believe these idiots think we're performing maintenance shit." Noah laughs loudly before hitting the side of my bumper car. "San, how about _we_ team up?" He asks me impishly when I give him the middle finger yet again.

"I'm listening." I say with a smirk and he points at Quinn, I nod and we both crash into Quinn's car at the same time, her body shaking due to the combined force.

"You guys suck." She tells us while forcefully turning her small steering wheel to escape our trap. "I'm gonna get whiplash because of you two."

"Stop being such a baby, Q." I stick my tongue out at her, wiggling my eyebrows and she comes close enough to kiss me on the cheek before driving off and roughly colliding into Noah. We end up using the whole lunch break to fool around with the bumper cars. I'm not a fan of the weird, mild burning-rubber smell of bumper cars but whatever, it was a lot of fucking fun.

_I'm gonna miss this place like crazy. _

-x-x-x-x-

"You're serious, right?"

"Yeah, S, I'm serious, I want you to sleepover..." Quinn hugs me from behind and kisses the side of my head. "I just want to spend more time with you before the 20th."

"Are we going to stay in Mrs. Kit's or your place? I'm just _wo_—"

"No, we're staying at my place." Quinn cuts me off and I smirk, certain scenarios already playing in my head. "And _no_, we're not doing whateveryou're thinking about right now." She rolls her eyes and I shake my head in mild annoyance. "Let's not start arguing about this again, please? Just ask your dad if you can, I promise it'll be fun, we can watch movies and cuddle all night."

"Fine." I call up my dad and even if he was a bit skeptical about it, he allowed me. We end up passing by my house to grab my clothes and the grocery to pick up some supplies since the Fabray house is fucking empty. I grab two giant packs of chips and hold it up to Quinn. "Which one should we get? I like this one." I raise the one in my left hand. "But this one is healthier." I motion to the other one, looking at both of the bags intensely afterwards, scrutinizing the labels printed on the back.

"Get both." She shrugs and I shake my head, I start walking back to the rack to place one of them back when I slip on the newly mopped floor. I fall on my ass, squishing one of the bags of chips. Quinn was kneeling in front of me in seconds. "Are you okay?" I look away, super embarrassed, willing my cheeks to stop burning.

"Fucking floor... I swear I'm gonna kill whoever it was that—"

"I love you." I freeze, like my entire body literally freezes and my eyes widen like crazy. _What the fuck did she just say?_ "I- _umm_, I mean I—"

"What?" I finally manage to look at her and she immediately turns away, her whole face tinted in a dark pink glow. I gently force her to face me again, looking into her hazel eyes and trying my best to read them. "What did you say?"

She lets out a heavy sigh before nervously rubbing the back of her neck. "I- I said I loved you—_ I love you_." I try to stop myself from visibly cringing at _that_ word... "I realized it yesterday in the lake, I really wasn't planning to say it now but then you were just so cute with the chips then you fell and I—" I cup her cheek and place a quick kiss right on her lips, trying my best to stop her rambling and quell her anxiety.

"Breathe, Q." Quinn actually pauses and takes a couple of deep breaths, I give her an amused look because everything she does is so damn endearing, which inadvertently makes my life _so _much harder.

"I'm sorry, San... I messed up, I wanted it to be special and telling you while we're both sitting on a dirty grocery floor isn't fucking special." She buries her head in her hands and I hug her, smiling uncontrollably. "You don't have to say it back, okay? I didn't tell you so I could hear it back, I wanted to tell you because I don't know— _I just feel it_. This really wasn't how it was supposed to go though..."

"Stop it, Quinn... It _was_ special, I'm used to all your cheesy shit so hearing you blurt _that_ out after I fell on my ass is pretty special, alright?"

Quinn looks up at me nervously and I reassuringly grin at her. "You're not like freaking out or anything, right?"

"No, I'm a bit surprised but yeah... I don't think I can say—"

"Don't say anything, you don't have to." Quinn kisses me, completely ignoring the people passing the aisle we were in. "Fuck, I really can't believe I told you in a freaking grocery."

"Get over it, Fabray." I smirk at her and she pulls me up from the ground. "Alright, let's go to your place already cause I'm starving."

_..._

_'Clean up on aisle 14.' _

-x-x-x-x-

We're lying down on Quinn's bed, just cuddling, sharing a couple of lazy kisses every now and then. _Today was awesome, it really was..._ I'm scared though, I'm scared cause after Quinn told me those 3 words, I'm realizing a lot of shit... I'm falling for the girl— _hard_. And, I don't know if I even want to stop myself anymore, she's just so perfect— basically flawless. I don't think anyone can ever treat me the way Quinn does, I know I don't deserve it especially because of the Brooke thing but I love having Quinn in my life.

She makes me unbelievably happy.

"Whatever you're thinking about, stop." Quinn's voice brings me back to the real world, wherein _(ironically) _all my problems seize to exist and the only one to blame for that bewildering feat is the beautiful blonde, who's currently staring at me in a way that makes me feel incredibly special. "Whatever it is, it doesn't matter."

"Wait, Q... I swear I need to talk to you about something."

"Can you tell me tomorrow? This day was perfect and I want it to stay that way..."

"No Quinn, I need to tell you about—"

"Please, San? Also, it's late and we both have work tomorrow."

"Fine, goodnight Quinn."

"Goodnight, I love you." She wraps one of her arms around me and spoons me from behind, I snuggle closer to her and we fall asleep for the first time in each other's arms.

**August 7, 2011**

"You two totally had sex last night, huh?" Noah joins us in our table, I shake my head and look at him like he was crazy but he just smirks. "Don't deny it, San. I can see it allover Q's face, she's totally happy cause she finally got it on with you."

"You're such an idiot sometimes, Noah." Quinn deadpans and he chuckles, unfazed.

"Don't worry, I'll keep it on the down low... I get it, San's just seventeen and shit." He teases and I give him the finger. "I won't call the cops on you two."

"I don't understand what the big deal is, I'm turning eighteen in like two months." I tell them, clearly annoyed by all the age shit. "It doesn't fucking matter."

"We didn't have sex, Noah." Quinn utters to her best friend in a serious tone, glaring at him for riling me up. "I _swear_, we didn't."

"Fine, I believe you... But if you didn't get lucky last night— why do you look so freaking happy?"

"I finally told her that I love her." Quinn smiles at me and I look away shyly, mentally willing my cheeks to cool down.

"God, that's fucking gross." Noah scrunches his face up and Quinn throws a handful of fries at him. "I mean, I support you Q but fuck that's some cheesy shit." He chuckles and I laugh along, making Quinn purse her lips.

"It's not funny." Quinn whines and crosses her arms over her chest. "I just told you the truth, San."

"I'm just kidding, babe, you're right, it isn't funny." I bite my lip to stop myself from chuckling again— it doesn't work though. "Don't worry, I don't really mind if you're super cheesy..."

"You secretly love it." Quinn says with an arrogant smirk and I don't deny anything.

"Stop eye-fucking each other in front of my face, please." We both glare at Noah and he raises both his hands up. "Well, I'm out of here, I'll see you two lovebirds later... Quinn, try your best not to get her pregnant, okay?"

"Fuck you, Noah, you're a horrible best friend."

"Shut up, you love me."

-x-x-x-x-

"Sleep with me again tonight."

"Are we gonna do more than just sleep?"

"Yeah…" Quinn replies flirtatiously and I tilt my head to the side curiously. "We're gonna kiss a couple of times and we might even reach second base if things work out."

"You're serious, right?"

"If your dad lets you…"

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to ask him if you can like touch my—" I pretend to be confused and Quinn just stares at me, completely unamused by my jest. "Geez, I'm joking, okay but can I ask him in person? I know he won't be able to resist if I pout..."

"Yeah, sure we need to get you some more clothes anyway." We drive to my house and I force Quinn to go down with me. My dad likes her so it's plus points if he sees her, right? At least he'll know that I'm not lying and sneaking around with some random boy— just sneaking around with Quinn. We enter the house and I stop dead in my tracks, feeling all the blood drain from my face.

What the fuck?

"Brooke, what are you doing here?" I ask the brunette that was sitting on the couch in the middle of my living room. I look at my dad briefly and he just shrugs his shoulders, Quinn's hand that was on my lower back immediately falls but I'm too stunned to say anything to her.

"You said you _needed_ to see me, right?" Brooke shrugs a shoulder before standing up and walking to us. "Well, I'm here." She looks at Quinn and I could see something in her gray eyes, my heart rate speeds up when she hugs me tight— her eyes still locked onto Quinn. I return her hug and when we break away from each other she extends her right hand to Quinn in a civil manner. "Hi Quinn, I'm Brooke."

"Nice to meet you, Brooke."

Fuck my life.


	8. Chapter 8

**August 8, 2011**

I'm sick of hiding things.

I'm just so fucking done.

It's actually a good thing that Brooke's here. Now, everything has to come out, no more secrets… Last night was definitely awkward but having both Brooke and Quinn in the same room made me realize that I _really_ can't do this anymore.

Yeah, I'm fucking scared of how they're going to react but it's time for them to find out.

It's just that I _still_ don't know what I want to happen after I come clean...

_What would you do? Who would you choose?_

Ugh. Fuck my life.

I fell in love with Brooke first, she was the first _cut_ and people say that's usually the deepest one. The thing about cuts— _they tend to hurt._ What sucks though is that even after everything, there's still something there, there's _always_ going to be something there... I wish I didn't feel anything for her anymore but I still do, and it sucks.

Come on, almost 3 fucking years of being _sorta_ together. That's a shitload of messy history that you can't erase overnight...

But Quinn… What I have with Quinn is just something else entirely, it's surreal. I didn't come to Lima looking for all of this, alright? The exact opposite actually, I came to Ohio to be alone— to figure things out. But _no_, fate decided to mess with me and I had to meet Quinn. I shouldn't have fallen for someone this hard in less than 7 weeks, things shouldn't have played out this way.

_It's not fair._

-x-x-x-x-

"San?"

I look up from my bowl of cereal and bite my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling at her. I'm pretty sure God had the same reaction when he made Brooke, he was shaking his head but for sure he was smiling inside. _She's too freaking beautiful... _Her brown hair is up in a messy bun and the darkness under her eyes tell me that she didn't get enough sleep last night but _damn_ she's still breathtaking. "Yeah?"

"Aren't we supposed to be talking about stuff?"

"Mhmm..." I hum out before bringing another spoonful of Lucky Charms to my mouth. I chew slowly while I try to figure out how to start. _Let's talk about us first then I'll bring up Quinn…_ "Brooke, why are you here? I thought you understood that we needed some time apart."

"I'd like to think that I've given you enough... Can I ask you the same question?" I raise an eyebrow and she sighs, rubbing at her eyelids with closed fists. "Why are _you_ here? Was this trip about figuring things out to forgive me or did you come here to just forget me? I know you had the right to be mad but I think you were wrong for leaving the way that you did, you should have at least given me a chance to explain myself."

"Explain what? Why you hooked up with some guy _right after_ I told you how I really felt about you?" I chuckle bitterly and she frowns. "No thanks, bro."

"Don't call me _'bro'_, Santana." She says in a warning tone, narrowing her eyes at me. "You left when things became complicated, that isn't fair, S... We're best friends, you should've at least—"

"No, Brooke, things were fucking simple when I left, we were over." I shake my head before standing up and bringing the bowl I used to the sink. I start walking out of the kitchen but Brooke gets up from the table and grabs my wrist before I can make my exit. I gaze at her with stone cold eyes and try my best to ignore the tugging feeling in my chest because of how miserable she looks. "I don't understand why you're even here but don't expect too much cause I don't want you to get disappointed." I break away from her grip and go up to my room without sparing her another glance.

_So much for telling her about Quinn… _

Fail.

**_Santana Lopez: _**_Pick me up. :(_

-x-x-x-x-

"You know, I wasn't expecting to see you today."

"Why not?" I lift an eyebrow before pushing Quinn down the leather couch and boldly straddling her hips. "We see each other almost everyday, Q."

"I know but Brooke's-_ like umm_— here, right?" Quinn struggles getting out because of the way I was kissing and nipping at her neck. "Where is she anyway?"

"Why are we talking about Brooke? I don't want to talk about Brooke so just shut up, this is about us." I crash our lips together and wrap my arms around her neck, kissing her to keep her quiet.

She pushes me off a fraction and moves her lips out of my reach, forcing me to groan irritatedly. "Something's wrong… What's up, S?"

_It's your fucking chance to tell her… So, tell her already. _

"I just fought with Brooke, I don't want to talk about it, it's nothing."

"Wait, can we talk about Brooke for a sec? I'm just wondering—"

"Can we not?" I ask in an even more annoyed tone before getting up from her lap. "Look, Brooke's gonna be here until Friday… I don't even know how often we can hang out like just you and I this week but if you rather talk about Brooke than kiss me then—" I smirk inconspicuously when I feel Quinn grab my waist and possessively pull my body towards hers.

_Well, that worked perfectly— so much for telling her about Brooke though…_

Fail.

Ugh, just squeeze your eyes shut and feel, Santana.

**August 10, 2011 **

_Right..._ Progress- 0%.

Brooke and I aren't really talking, we're just being awkwardly civil around each other cause we're living in the same house... Quinn on the other hand, well, I haven't seen her since Monday. And, I _really_ miss the dork but it's not like I can just leave Brooke here and sneak around Lima with Quinn, right?

_I've thought about it though..._

I figured it all out by the way... I _am_ in love with two people, fuck whoever says that's impossible. I'm in love with the both of them for different reasons and in different ways.

I fell in love with Brooke first but that doesn't mean I love Quinn any less.

Is it possible that I love them both _equally_? My head starts hurting whenever I try to analyze this whole thing... It's just so fucked up and complicated, which is why I think feelings and emotions are somewhat evil.

They seriously mess everything up.

Anyway, despite being in love with both of them, I feel like I want to_ be with _one of them more... Yeah, Brooke's my first love but I really got hurt and I don't think it's smart to try shit with her again_ this soon_. Who knows? Maybe in the future... I don't know, I'm not a fucking fortune teller. But I think Brooke and I should work on our friendship before anything else...

Plus, I have Quinn now.

That being said, I think it's obvious _who_ I want to be with.

I really didn't come to Ohio looking for something like this... Do I regret going here this summer? _Fuck no. _Quinn is a loser but she's _my_ loser, call it fate or whatever you want to call it but I think I finally get it... There's a reason why all of this happened.

I'm telling both of them tomorrow.

**August 11, 2011 **

"B, can we talk?" I knock on the door of the guest room before opening it all the way. "You up?"

"Yeah, I actually couldn't sleep..." She lets out a halfhearted chuckle from where she was sitting on the mattress, I enter the room and take a seat on the chair next to the bed. "Good morning."

"Morning, _umm_ we need to talk about things."_  
_

"Finally." She gives me a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I thought I was gonna go home tomorrow without fixing things with you..."

"You know I wouldn't let that happen."

She ties her hair up messily— _i__t's unfair how good looking God made Brooke, so fucking unfair... _"Are you still pissed at me for coming here unannounced?"

"I wasn't piss—"

"Please, San... You've been avoiding me for like 3 days."

"I'm sorry, I guess I was just surprised when you got here. Even if it doesn't seem like it, I _am_ happy you're here."

"But?" She raises an eyebrow at me, anticipating my next statements. "Sorry, it sounded like you were gonna add a _'but'_ somewhere in there..."

"But... You probably shouldn't have come."

"I figured that out already." Brooke chuckles again before grabbing a pillow and hugging it close to her chest, I can tell she's going to start crying soon..._ Fuck. _We know each other's body language so well, fluent enough to know the secret meanings behind even the most unnoticeable gestures.

"I have to tell you something."

"Do I want to hear it?" She asks nervously and I bite my lower lip, wringing my wrists anxiously in response. "If the answer is _'no'_, please don't tell me..."

"B, come on... This is important."

"No, _this_ isn't even supposed to be happening. We're both supposed to be in Seattle right now, we're supposed to be happy. I know I fucked everything up but come on, I made _one_ mistake... "

"It was a pretty big mistake, B." I mumble out and her tears start falling, creating tapered tracks down her beautiful cheeks. I try my best not to let the guilty feeling filling my chest get to me, forcing myself to stay strong and stand my ground.

"I felt nothing with him, okay? In my drunk and warped mind, I was fixing things... I thought that maybe if I had someone else then you and I could go back to how we were, that we could just be best friends and things would be simple again... I'm aware that I'm a fucking idiot, alright? I've never regretted something so much."

"It doesn't matter that you regret what happened, it doesn't change anything."

"What the fuck do you want me to do then? I apologized a million times then I gave you space even if it was fucking killing me that we weren't talking... _I need you_, you know how much I fucking need you." Her voice was significantly louder, her emotional words echoing inside the small room. Thank God we were all alone right now... The tears continued to stream down her cheeks and seeing her in that state made me feel like someone was repeatedly kicking me in the gut. _I still care about her— forever and always. _"Just tell me what I'm supposed to do and I'll do it, I just need things to go back to the way they were."

"That's impossible, B." I say in a frustrated tone before holding my head, using the heels of my hands to rub at my eyes. "We can't just pretend that nothing happened."

"Why not? Things will easier if we do..."

"Life doesn't work that way, it isn't that simple."

"It _is_ simple, I love you… I love you so much and I'm sorry it took me this long but I'm brave enough now, I'm brave enough to let myself be happy. And, I know I'm only going to be happy if I'm with you."

"I'm with Quinn." I rush out, her words were killing me, tying up my insides into painful plaits. I couldn't take anymore, listening to her was causing me _physical_ pain. "Well sorta, I'm _sorta_ with Quinn… We're dating."

"Why?" She sounds so damaged and crushed… So unlike the normal Brooke I'm used to. "I know I fucked up badly but I thought you loved me."

"I did, I mean… _I do._" I groan in frustration. "Things are complicated, okay?"

"So, Ohio really was about forgetting me, huh? And, to think I was actually hoping that you were out here trying to get over what happened and forgive me… I'm such an idiot." She says in a bitter tone, sniffling as she struggled to keep talking coherently. "Congratulations, S… We're even."

"This isn't my way of getting back at you, Brooke! It's not like I wanted things to turn out like this... I wasn't expecting any of this to happen."

"Now I understand why it was so easy for you to ignore me, I didn't think blondes were your type, S."

"Brooke, _don't_." I warn her, I didn't want this to become a full blown fight.

"Don't what? You're right, I shouldn't have come here." She abruptly gets up from the bed and starts angrily stuffing her clothes into her bag. "Best of luck to you two."

"Brooke, stop!" I yell out before forcefully yanking her bag away from her. All her stuff end up spilling on the floor and she kneels down and starts placing it all back inside. "Just chill for a second." I kneel down too and grab both of her wrists, pausing her actions. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I came here to get you back, turns out I'm too late so there's really no reason for me to stay. I want to hear it though, S..." She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. "Tell me we're done for good, tell me you don't want me anymore."

I open my mouth but no words come, it takes a while but I eventually choke out a soft whisper. _"I can't do that."._

Before my mind can even register what's happening, Brooke is on top of me, kissing me hard. My back hits the floor and she pins both my hands over my head, I should fight it... _But I don't. _My lips start moving against hers effortlessly— with Brooke I don't even have to try... We know each other too well, it's natural. My hands end up under her shirt and she doesn't stop me. She starts tugging my shorts down and I don't stop her.

We don't stop each other from doing anything.

**August 12,**** 2011**

Yesterday was fucked up... _That_ wasn't supposed to happen. No, just no. Ugh.

Brooke and I haven't spoken to each other since the _incident_... I just left the room after it happened, crawled into my bed and forced myself to stop thinking. _What the fuck... _I honestly thought I figured it all out already, I knew I wanted to be with Quinn. I _still_ want to be with Quinn...

What happened with Brooke was a mistake.

Fuck.

Right now we're in the car cause I'm driving Brooke to the airport. It's tense, really tense. I want to say something to her but I don't know what to say... _'Uhh, B what we did yesterday was wrong... Just forget about it.' _Heartless... I'm not gonna do that. Think, San... Think. I keep using my peripheral vision to look at Brooke, she looks _dead_. Her gray eyes just look cold and she looks so tired. I feel like shit, I never wanted to hurt her.

It doesn't fucking matter if she hurt me first, I _never_ wanted to hurt her. _  
_

I stop the car in the waiting area in front of one of the sliding doors. Brooke looks at me and immediately starts crying, I start tearing up too because she just looks so broken. "Do you regret what happened?"

"B..."

"Just answer me, Santana."

"Yeah." I whisper out and she squeezes her eyes shut causing more of her tears to fall. "I only regret it because it was wrong, we shouldn't have done that... I told you I was with Quinn, I'm in love with Quinn."

Her mouth drops open as my own dries up, realizing the truth behind what I just said. "What? A summer fling and love are two completely different things."

"I know, that's why what we did was so fucking wrong." I slam my forehead on the steering wheel, only _kind of_ thankful my hand was there to cushion the impact. "I was planning to tell you, I really was... But shit happened yesterday."

"_Shit?_ We both know it felt right, keep trying to convince yourself otherwise." She says bitterly before wiping away her tears. "I wrote you this." Brooke tosses a white envelope onto my lap. "I seriously hope you get this all out of your system and come back to me." She kisses me on the cheek. "I still love you even if you're an idiot."

Brooke grabs her bag and gets out of the car. I watch her walk away, clutching the envelope in my hands tightly.

_Damn.  
_

I can't go to work... Not after all of _that_. Plus, I need to find out what's in Brooke's letter and I don't plan on reading it in Fantascape.

_**Santana Lopez: **Can't make it. Please explain to Mrs. Kit._

_**QuinnTheLoser: **Yeah, no problem! Are you okay? :( _

_**Santana Lopez: **All good. I'll see you tomorrow._

**_QuinnTheLoser:_**_ See you. Love you! _

-x-x-x-x-

_Baby, _

_Okay... I was really planning to write you a letter since this trip didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. I had a list of things to say to you. That list consisted of apologies, 'I miss you'-s, my plans for our future... We didn't talk a lot though so I didn't get to tell you everything... I'm still not used to that by the way— not talking. I'm actually sure I'm never going to get used to it. This summer sucked, I don't like how we've been treating each other... This isn't right, Santana. I know you feel it too, we aren't supposed to be like this. You're mine, I'm yours. It should be that simple... I know it's all my fault but come on, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry... I don't know what else to do, I can say those two words like a million times but I feel like it's not going to change anything. The only way things will change is if you give me another chance, a chance to prove to you that I'm not just saying it... That I mean it. _

_You just told me you're dating Quinn... I won't lie, it fucking hurts. If this is how you felt when I messed up, again, I'm sorry. This sucks and imagining you feeling like this makes me want to beat myself up. I'm such an asshole... I was an idiot so, so stupid... Know that my intentions were good though. I know it probably doesn't make sense but in my mind I did that for us... Yeah, what the fuck, right? There's no excuse for what I did and I understand that you're mad at me but you once promised me that it will always be us... You remember that? I admit I fucked up badly but we all make mistakes at some point and all I need from you right now is to trust me enough to try again. I won't hurt you ever again, I swear. I now know what it feels like to lose you and I don't think I can go through this again... Whatever you have with Quinn right now, I'm just gonna ignore it, okay? I'll pretend it isn't happening. You're in Ohio, we aren't together... You're free to hang out with whoever you want but know that as soon as you get back to Seattle— I'll make you mine again. I don't care how long it takes or how hard I'm going to have to try. I'll fix this, I'll fix us. _

_I remember you telling me you've been in love with me since we were 15. That's a little over 2 years, right? Well, I didn't say it but I think I fell in love with you that day in my "treehouse". The day we decided to first kiss each other for fun... We were like 13? I know it meant nothing cause yeah we were kids and like we were just messing around but I knew then that you were special to me. It took me so long to admit it but I'm so fucking in love with you, S... I have been for more than 4 years and I probably always will be. _

_Come back to me, okay?_

_I love you. _

_xx Brooke_

_-PS- What we just did felt so right, don't deny it... Please. _

**August 13, 2011**

I'm exhausted.

Painfully so.

I read Brooke's letter like a thousand times yesterday and then I ended up crying myself to sleep. I probably look like shit right now...

The car ride going to Fantascape this morning was silent, I'm sure Quinn knew something was wrong but thankfully she didn't ask. If she did I wouldn't have been able to answer her properly anyway, which reminds me... I still need to tell her about Brooke.

Brooke knows about Quinn- 50% done.

I feel like an asshole though, Brooke is in so much pain and it's all my fault. She's my best friend and I love her, I shouldn't be fucking hurting her like this. I wish things could be easier, I wish it were as simple as saying all the things Brooke wants to hear from me and happily going back to Seattle to live our normal lives. _But things aren't easy... _If they were then I wouldn't have Quinn in my life right now and honestly, I don't plan on losing Quinn.

It sucks cause no matter what I do— I end up hurting someone I care about immensely. Of course, part of me still wants to be with Brooke but a bigger part of me wants to be with Quinn.

I know I don't deserve her but fuck it.

I'm fine with being selfish—_ she's mine_.

Now, I just need to tell her everything and hope for the best.

-x-x-x-x-

"Where are you going?" I ask Quinn from the passenger's seat when I realize that we were heading in the direction of my house.

"You look tired, S... I figured you should get some rest." I shake my head, no, straightening myself up a little. "Okay, what do you want to do then?"

"Brooke just left... I just want to spend time with you, okay? I miss us."

"I miss us too." She grins at me and once we reach a stop sign she kisses me on the cheek. "What do you want to do tonight?"

"Surprise me."

-x-x-x-x-

Bad idea to tell Quinn to surprise me... _Fuck. _I was planning to tell her already, I really was... But she brought me to a fucking bowling alley and obviously this is like the _worst_ place to have a serious conversation in. You try talking over the sound of balls and pins falling.

Not gonna work.

_Crap. _

I let go of the heavy ball again and I just roll my eyes when it directly slides into the gutter for the hundredth time tonight. I_ suck at bowling..._ Quinn flashes me an amused look and I stick my tongue out at her, annoyance evident on my face. "This is probably one of the few things in this world that you're like better at." I shrug my shoulders as if I didn't give a fuck before sipping from my drink.

Bowling is dorky, it makes perfect sense that Quinn's good at it.

Quinn kisses my forehead and chuckles. "Come on, I'm done enjoying your misery." She smirks at me and I playfully flip her off. "I'll teach you already." She leads me back to the lane and tells me to pick up a ball. I hold it in my hands and she fixes my fingers before fixing my stance. "Okay, bend your knees a little bit and when you let go of the ball put some force behind it." Quinn frees me after kissing the back of my neck, I shudder before stepping forward and releasing the heavy ball. I hit 9 pins and I immediately run towards Quinn, jumping on her.

She catches me easily and I wrap my legs around her waist. "I'm so fucking good at bowling." I yell out before crashing our lips together. She laughs when we break the kiss and I press my lips against her forehead. "Thanks for this."

"No problem, and you're definitely a natural bowler." She winks at me and places me back on the ground, I involuntarily yawn and rub my eyes sleepily. "Okay, it's getting pretty late... I should bring you home."

"No. I'll call my dad, can you bring me to your place?" I pout but I start grinning when she nods. "Thank you." I kiss her on the cheek, happy that I got what I wanted.

This is exactly why I want to be with Quinn, by the way, cause no matter how fucked up things are— somehow she makes everything okay. No one else has ever come close to making me feel like how I feel when I'm with the dork, not even Brooke._ Well it's different, I guess_. But yeah, Quinn makes me feel indescribable things and I'm honestly not willing to let that go.

She's the one I want.

**August 14, 2011**

"Though I've known you for like less than 2 months and though you're a complete bitch, I'm actually gonna miss you." Noah hugs me firmly and lifts me off the ground— I don't even try to fight it, knowing it's useless... He spins me around for a while but puts me back on my feet when Quinn starts shouting at him. "Relax, Fabray... I won't break her." Quinn walks over to me and wraps her arms around me, keeping me steady.

Fuck Noah, I'm actually dizzy...

"I'll miss you too, fucker." I tell him with a smirk on my lips and he grins back. "I can't believe this is my last day here..." I sigh before looking around, I'm leaving next Saturday. _Damn, it feels like I just got here._ "I think I'm actually going to miss this shithole."

"_Shh_, remember my family owns this _'shithole'_." I feel Quinn shake her head and I crane my neck around to face her and kiss her on the lips. "You're forgiven."

"Please, continue." Noah states smugly and I give him the finger. "I'm seriously going to miss all the love you give me, Lopez."

"Me too." Quinn whispers out loud enough for only me to here, I frown realizing what she means... _Fuck. _I only have 6 days in left in Lima.

Do I tell her about Brooke and risk ruining the time I have left here?

Or hide it... She'll never find out anyway.

Fuck, no. Quinn has been nothing but perfect all summer, I _need_ to tell her.

"Q, we need to talk..." She loosens her grip around me and shifts her eyes to Noah.

"Well, look at the time." Noah looks at his bare wrist, checking his invisible watch and I shake my head amusedly at his antics. "My break's over, I guess I'll see you two later." He waves cheekily before running off— leaving me alone with Quinn.

"What's up, S?" She asks me nervously and I break away from her hold completely. Touching doesn't seem appropriate during this conversation... "Okay, now you're scaring me." She shifts her feet awkwardly and I bite back the smile playing on my lips.

"It's about Brooke... You know we had history, right? Like _recent_ history, like right before I came to Lima history." I ramble out and Quinn just nods. "We were over before I got here but I wasn't over her... Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, continue."

"Well, she told me that she wanted us to get back together..." I go on in an even voice, maintaining my levelled breathing. _I'm actually surprised at how honest I'm being..._ Now, I just need to mention the _sex mistake_ part. "But like I told her I was dating you and that we couldn't be together."

"Look, of course I knew about Brooke... I also knew something was up the night she got here and basically gave me the death stare." Quinn chuckles, anxiously wringing her wrists. "I was kinda worried that something was going to happen between you two but like I trust you, S. So yesterday when things were okay between us, I assumed everything was fine... But I hope you know that if you wanted to be with her and like end this thing we have, it would've hurt me a lot but I would've let you go... You were hers first anyway, so— _yeah_."

"So you wouldn't even have fought for me?"

"It's not like that, I just know she's you best friend and I figured I wouldn't even stand a chance against her."

I fold my arms over my chest and try my best to ignore the feeling of wanting to cry. "Why not?"

"I live in Lima, you live in Seattle... You've known her longer and I'm pretty sure you actually loved her."

"Well, I fucking love you too." I spit out angrily, Quinn's attitude towards all of this was seriously pissing me off. _She's acting like she doesn't care and I hate it. _"Fucking congratulations, alright? You made me fall in love with you this summer and it's your fault that I'm actually happy right now."

"What?"

"You heard me... I love you." I shake my head, tears forming in my eyes. "So it doesn't matter if I knew Brooke longer or if I was with her first, none of that changes anything... I still fucking fell in love with you this summer and it sucks because it seems like you're completely okay with losing me."

"You beat me, I thought I won the_ 'strangest I love you'_ award but you definitely deserve it." Quinn wraps her arms around me and I try to break away but she doesn't let go. "You're wrong, I'm not okay with losing you, not at all... But like if you decided that you wanted to be with Brooke, I would've backed down because I love you. I just didn't want to make things any harder for you, alright? It would've killed me inside but if I knew you were happy then I would've been happy for you, no matter how painful it was. I'm really glad that it's _my fault_ that you're happy though..." She forces me to look at her. "I love you so much." Her lips press against mine and I close my eyes, doing everything I can to memorize the elation I was currently feeling.

_I want to remember this forever._


	9. Chapter 9

**_August 15, 2011_**

"Don't stare, it's creepy." I mumble out with a smile on my lips. My eyes slowly open and Quinn grins at me. "How long have you been up?"

"A few minutes." She shrugs her shoulders before propping her head up with one elbow. "Have I told you that you're insanely beautiful?"

"Have I told you that you're insanely cheesy?" I counter trying my best to ignore the feeling of my cheeks heating up. "What time is it?"

"A bit after 10 in the morning." Quinn grabs my cellphone from the bedside table and hands it to me. "Even if I don't really want to share you with anyone, you should call your dad and ask him if he wants you to go home…" I unlock my phone and check my messages- _none from my dad._

"He didn't text so he's probably busy." I drop my phone on the bed and push Quinn's shoulders so she was lying on the bed again; I move my body to hover over hers before smirking. "No need to share me with anyone, Q."

"I just don't want Mr. L to think I'm keeping you all to myself."

"I don't see anything wrong with you doing so." I lean in and capture her lips for a kiss. As soon as I feel her tongue enter my mouth I let out a small moan. _God, I love how kissing Quinn feels… _I start tugging at the hem of her shirt and I'm surprised when she allows me to pull it off of her completely. I pull away a little to look at her body better; thank God she doesn't sleep with a bra on. _She's fucking flawless._ I place my palms on her flat tummy and I hear her breath hitch. "Are we _umm_?" I don't even really know what I'm trying to ask her…

"Yeah, just not too far, okay?" She breathes out and I nod before trailing kisses down her jaw and her neck. I start sucking and nipping at her collar bone as my hands inch their way upwards. _We still haven't reached second so this is pretty big…_ I look at her and she gives me a slight nod. I gently place my hands over her chest and her eyes squeeze shut.

_Fuck._ I want more.

_A lot more_ but I settle for touching and kissing her lips deeply. We're not even having sex but for some reason this feels so fucking electric. "Quinn, if we keep going… I don't think I'll be able to stop." I tell her breathlessly and she kisses me hard. _Oh my God, she's not gonna stop this- score._ But all of a sudden we weren't kissing anymore and Quinn was rolling away from under me. I look at her with wide eyes, my gaze fixed on her chest that was rising and falling in sync with her breathing.

"Alright, it's too hot in here… Let's go for a swim?"

"Are you being serious right now?" I ask in a frustrated tone. _We were so close…_

"Yeah, I need to cool down before I do something wrong."

"_Wrong?_ Quinn, come on let's just go for it…" She shakes her head again before grabbing her shirt that was on the floor and putting it on. I groan in frustration before stuffing my face into a pillow and screaming. "You're such a tease."

"Me? You're the one who was touching me… How do you think I feel right now?"

"I'm sure I can make you feel better." I smirk at her and she chuckles before walking towards me and kissing my forehead. She pulls me up and hugs me tight.

"I told you, not yet. My privacy fence is pretty high though… So we can totally go skinny dipping or something, if you're up for it."

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"Probably not my best idea, huh?" I shake my head and roll my eyes, making her grin. "Okay, how about I make you some breakfast and we can just watch movies and make out."

"Or we can like just have sex?" I try again and she full on laughs at me this time. "It's not funny, Q…"

"I'll see you downstairs, babe." With that she walks out of the room, making sure to wink at me before she disappears completely.

_Oh my God, what did I do to deserve this torture?_

* * *

**_August 17, 2011_**

It's weird, I barely think about the fact that I'm leaving on Saturday... I don't know, for some reason it doesn't feel _real_? In my mind, this trip isn't ending and I'm not leaving Quinn... Which is fucked up cause I _know_ I am. I can't stay here even if I wanted to- _I just can't_, my life is back in Seattle.

2,000 miles away from here.

I seriously feel like vomiting whenever I think about being away from Quinn, like my tummy starts feeling funny and I just want to puke all these strange feelings out._ Okay, not the most attractive description but it's an honest one... _Think about it, Quinn and I met like 2 months ago and I only told her that I loved her _3 days_ _ago_. Can we really make a long distance relationship work? Yeah, there's texting, calling, Skype, occasional visits and shit but come on... Ever since we started dating Quinn and I basically spent every single day of this summer together. _Which means I'm kinda fucking attached, alright?_ Well, a bit _too_ attached, in my opinion and it's weird cause I've never felt like this before- not even with Brooke.

How can a person who hasn't been in my life _that_ long mean _this_ much? Please explain.

I'm scared shitless cause I know that there's no way for things to stay the same, it's impossible because I can't freeze time and change is fucking inevitable. I'm stupid for falling in love with someone I knew I _shouldn't_ have fallen in love with in the first place.

There were a lot of reasons _not_ to fall for Quinn Fabray—

1. I _had/have-ish_ Brooke  
2. She lives in another state  
3. We're both pretty messed up inside  
4. She's a complete dork  
5. All of this was just supposed to be a temporary escape from reality

I can go on and on but the bottom line is that it wasn't a smart move, that being said- I still don't regret anything. Why should I regret going for something that makes me really happy? And come on it's not like I really had a choice to begin with, it's hard to say _'no'_ to a persistent Quinn. I tried pushing her away, I really did but whatever I'm glad she didn't give up on me.

Why the hell is she so perfect? It's not fair. That's why even if the odds against us ending up together are fucked up I still want to try... Cause she's worth it.

So fucking worth it.

_**SantanaLopez: **I had fun today, thank you! I love you! _

**_QuinnTheLoser: _**_The message got cut! Can you send me the last part again? :D_

_Yeah, right..._ I roll my eyes but I send her a message with those 3 words again.

_**QuinnTheLoser**: I love you too. Good night, baby! :)_

* * *

_**August 18, 2011**__  
_

"Quinn told me you were leaving on Saturday... Is that true?" Lucy asks me, her hazel eyes slightly glassy. "Why?"

"Yeah, Luce." I kneel down so we were roughly the same height. "I have to go back to Seattle, the summer break is almost over." I tell her softly and she frowns. "Don't worry, I'll make sure to keep in touch." I force myself to smile but seeing Lucy so sad was pretty much killing me inside. "Come here." I pull her towards me and hug her tight.

"I don't want you to go, Sanny." She wraps her arms around me and squeezes me tight. "Can't you just stay here and live with Nana and Quinn?"

"I wish I could, kiddo." I kiss her on the cheek before standing up again. I turn around to face Quinn who was just staring at her shoes, I sigh before focusing on Lucy again. "I'll visit, I promise."

Lucy asks me to bend down so she can whisper something into my ear. "But Quinny is gonna be so sad again when you leave... She's different when you're around." _My heart's breaking..._ I bite my lower lip to stop myself from tearing up. "Can you please stay?"

"I can't, Lucy... I have to go home." The kid nods and I look away because that weird feeling in my tummy is back and I'm getting light-headed.

"Hey, Luce I think one of your friends is over there by the sandbox. She keeps looking at you." Quinn walks over to us and points to a little girl with brown hair. Lucy waves and smiles when she sees the kid Quinn was talking about. "You can hang with her for a while, San and I will just be here." Lucy looks at me, frowns and shakes her head.

"It's okay, Sanny's leaving so I rather spend time with her."

"Aww babe, I'm gonna be with you the whole day and we're even having dinner together." I ruffle her hair and grin. "Go ahead, have some fun." She asks me one more time if I'm sure and I tell her that I am. She runs off towards her friend and I pull Quinn to a nearby bench that had a perfect view of the sandbox. "I'm seriously going to miss that kid..." I say softly and Quinn just nods silently. _Okay... _"She told me I should just stay and live with you and Mrs. Kit, if only it was that easy, huh?" I chuckle out and Quinn just murmurs out an _'mhmm'_. "Alright, what's up with you?"

"I just don't want to talk about it, okay?"

"When are we going to talk about _it _then? I'm leaving on Saturday, Q... Even if we don't talk about it, it's still going to happen."

"Exactly, so what's the point of talking about it?" She shrugs her shoulders. "Can we just drop it? Where do you want have dinner tonight?" Quinn tries to change the topic and I shake my head.

"No, we're talking about the fact that I'm leaving on Saturday." I say stubbornly and Quinn sighs, I take in a deep breath to chill myself out. "Look, the last couple of days have been amazing but I really think we should talk about things, no matter what I'm still leaving, Q. So I want to know what's going to happen between us when I'm back in Seattle..."

"What do you want to happen?" She interlaces our fingers and kisses the side of my head. "I'm sorry, I just- I get so frustrated whenever I think about you leaving cause there's nothing I can do about it."

"It's okay, I don't like thinking about it too but yeah we kinda have to talk about things." Quinn nods before bringing my hand to her lips and kissing my knuckles softly, I smile at the gesture. "Are we gonna try doing the whole long distance thing?"

"Do you want to?"

"Do you?"

"Of course, I do... But like I really don't want to stop you from living your life. It's gonna be really hard on the both of us but I already told you in the past there's just something about you so if you decide that you want to go for it- I'll do everything I can to make things work." I smile and lean in to place a chaste kiss on her lips, making sure to keep things kid friendly since we're in a park. "Is that a yes?"

"What do you think, Fabray?" I raise an eyebrow at her and she grins at me. "Can we really do this?"

"I really hope so cause I _can't_ lose you."

_-x-x-x-x-_

"I really wish you didn't have to leave, Santana." Mrs. Kit tells me from across the dinner table. "This summer was way too short, don't you think?"

I nod and smile at my ex-boss politely. "Yeah, definitely... I'm really going to miss working in Fantascape, Mrs. Kit."

"Call me _Nana_. There's no need to be all professional with me anymore, you're done working in Fantascape and both of my granddaughters simply adore you." I blush and Quinn squeezes my hand under the table. "Quinn especially." The older woman gives Quinn a pointed look before chuckling. "Hands where I can see them, darling."

"Nana!" Quinn whines but places her hands on the table anyway, Lucy and I laugh at the exchange. "Please don't embarrass me..."

"I'm not trying to." Mrs. Kit winks at me and I grin. "So Santana, tell me all about Washington..."

_-x-x-x-x-_

"I don't want to go." I mumble out before burying my face into Quinn's shoulder. She wraps her arms around my body and pulls me even closer to her. "I don't want to leave you, Q."

"I know, I don't want you to go either." She kisses the top of my head and I sigh. "We can make it work though, I know we can... It's going to be difficult and I'm going to miss you a lot but we'll make it work. I promise." Quinn gently cups my chin and makes me face her. "You trust me, right?" I nod before kissing her on the lips. I hate how it feels like we're starting to say goodbye already_-_ _like every kiss and every touch is being counted. _

"I trust you." I nuzzle her neck and place soft kisses on her skin. "I'm just scared."

"Don't be, I love you." She hugs me more firmly and I lean into her hold. "We can do this." I nod and breathe in deeply,_ I really love how Quinn smells._ I feel safe right now, I feel like everything's actually going to be okay...

"Love you too."

* * *

**_August 19, 2011_ **

It's my last full day in Ohio.

I'm leaving for Seattle tomorrow.

_What the fuck? _

It doesn't feel real. Actually, this whole summer was surreal. I left Seattle with a broken heart and now I'm coming home utterly in love with someone I met 8 weeks ago... It doesn't fucking make sense. Quinn was nothing more than a mere stranger and now she's _not.._. My first smile in the morning, my last smile at night, the inexplicable flutter in my chest, the indescribable feeling of complete contentment- _that's who she is to me now. _She's basically everything I could ever want, she's unbelievable.

I don't deserve her, after everything I've done... _I really don't. _But I'm not letting her go.

I don't want to.

I can't.

I plan on fixing myself though, like I said what happened with Brooke was a mistake and I swear from now on I'm going to be completely faithful to Quinn. It doesn't matter that we're going to be in different states- I'm going to be _just_ hers. I'm going to work hard to actually deserve her... She's one of a kind and even if it took a while for me to see it, I'm so in love with her.

_-x-x-x-x-_

"No." I shake my head and she pouts. "You already know how I feel about blindfolds." I stomp my foot on the ground and Quinn looks at me with an amused expression. "Come on, I don't like surprises..."

"You'll like this." She tells me smugly and I narrow my eyes at her, making her pout again. "Please, babe?" I roll my eyes and nod slowly, she smirks before placing the blindfold over my eyes. I feel her press a kiss to my forehead._ It's really hard to say 'no' to Quinn... _She helps me into her car and she talks to me during the whole drive, constantly reminding me not to remove the fucking blindfold. "We're here." The car stops and I hear Quinn's door open and close, she opens my door and helps me out. "Don't take it off yet!" She yells out when I start reaching for the blindfold.

"Come on, Q..." I whine and I feel her hold both of my hands in hers. "It was a pretty long drive, okay? I kinda miss my vision."

I feel her lips on mine and I kiss her back. "I'll take it off soon, I promise."

"You totally just stole that kiss."

"Nope, it was rightfully mine." Quinn says smugly. "Okay, we're going to start walking now." This is why I fucking hate blindfolds... It's pretty scary to move when you can't see anything. "Don't worry, I got you." She holds onto my waist and I relax a little. _I sometimes wonder if Quinn can read my mind._ There is a shift in temperature so we're probably indoors right now... I don't hear anyone or anything though. Ugh, where the fuck are we? "Alright, pick... Bridal style or piggy back?"

"What?"

"How do you want me to carry you?"

"I _don't_ want you to carry me." I reach for the blindfold again but Quinn intercepts my hands. "Quinn, come on..."

"I gave you the choice... If you really love me you're not gonna touch that blindfold, okay?"

"That's not _fa_-" I scream when Quinn lifts my body off the ground. "Put me down!"

"Don't remove the blindfold." She kisses my lips again and I blindly wrap my arms around her neck. "Look, I just don't want you to get hurt... Cause it's gonna be my fault if you fall down the stairs or something."

"We're climbing stairs? Quinn, we're both gonna fucking fall or like you're gonna drop me."

"I told you to trust me, S. And I won't, you don't weigh much and I used to be a freaking cheerleader so I got you."

I roll my eyes but then I realize she can't see them so I settle for sticking my tongue out at her. Every step Quinn takes scares me... Like seriously, how high are we going? After a while, Quinn finally puts me back on my feet and I wobble at first but she keeps me steady. "Can I take it off now?"

"One sec." She places her hand on my lower back and leads me forward a couple more steps. _Okay, it feels like we're outside again... _I feel her hands on the blindfold and finally the piece of shit is gone. I squint because of the drastic change in brightness. _Holy_ _fuck._ We're at the top of a lighthouse... Oh my God, the view of the lake from up here is fucking breathtaking.

"Holy shit."

"I told you that you were gonna like this surprise." I turn around and see Quinn holding a bouquet of red roses. _My heart is_ _melting..._ "Hi, baby." I walk over to her and she hands me the flowers, I crash our lips together. _This girl is seriously something else. _Her hands find my hips and she pulls me impossibly closer. We were both slightly out of breath when we broke the kiss. "Well that was distracting." She shakes her head, smiling widely.

"Shut up, you liked it."

"I have no plans on denying that." She winks at me before taking a deep breath. "Wait, give me a second- you seriously blew my mind with that kiss." I roll my eyes but blush anyway. Quinn cups my cheek and rubs her thumb over it gently. "Okay, I seriously had a speech but I'm too nervous right now to remember the whole thing..."

"No pressure, Q." I lean in to kiss her again but she stops me. _Ugh. _

"Wait, let me talk first cause _yeah_..." She exhales and shifts her feet nervously. "You're leaving tomorrow and like I'm already sure that I won't be able to function properly when you're gone. I used to prefer sleeping over being awake cause when you're asleep, you can dream of a better world but like this summer with you was just magical." Quinn shrugs her shoulders and takes in another deep breath. "I'm pretty sure that whatever my imagination comes up with won't even be able to compete with reality cause you're incredible and simply imagining that I'm with you isn't enough. I know it's going to be difficult being away from each other but I'm sure we'll manage." I feel tears well up in my eyes and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying. "You're the first person I've ever fallen in love with and I'm really hoping that you'll be the last."

_Oh my God. _

"Quinn—"

"Hold on." Quinn reaches for her back pocket and takes out a small box, it's too long to be a ring box. _Relief. _We're _way_ too young for marriage. She opens the box, inside was a white gold bracelet- she takes it out of the box and puts it on my wrist. _A letter Q and a letter S make up the lock. _"When things get hard, just look at this bracelet and remember that I love you. The distance between us won't be easy but it won't be impossible either, we'll make it work, I'm sure we will. I'd actually move to Seattle in a heartbeat if Lucy was a bit older but she needs me right now... I can't leave."

"I know, Q. I understand." The tears start streaming down my cheeks and Quinn wipes them away. "I love you so much." She wraps her arms around me and I start crying on her shoulder. _I don't want to go home._ My body shakes because of the intensity of my sobs. Quinn just holds me tighter, I hear her sniffle after a while and I pull back a little- _she's crying_ too. This fucking sucks. "I don't want to go."

"I know but you have to, babe." Quinn tucks some of my hair behind my ear. "I really messed my speech up." She chuckles through her tears, I shake my head and smile at her. "This was supposed to be a happy day, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry, I'm the happiest I've ever been."

"Be mine? I want things to be official between us, I want you to be my girlfriend, Santana."

I want to rush out a_ 'yes'_ and then crash our lips together... It would be perfect, like a scene from a movie- like a fairytale. I can't do that though. I need to tell her everything first- _I need to be honest. _"Q..."

"Yeah?"

"I have to tell you something first..." She nods unsurely and I step back a little. I fiddle with my hands nervously, trying to get my heart rate to go down. My heart is beating like crazy, I feel like it can actually crack my ribs right now. _Just say it._ "I slept with Brooke." _Fuck. _Quinn's face falls and she removes her hands from my body. "It was a mistake... I didn't mean for it to happen." I rush out trying to justify my actions.

"How can something like _that_ be an accident?"

"Quinn, please let me—" She shakes her head and fishes something out of her pocket, she hands me her car keys and starts walking away. "Where are you going?" I drop the flowers and run after her. "Wait." I hug her from behind, right before she started going down the stairs. "Please, wait."

"Take my car and go home, there's a GPS thing in there anyway. I'll find a way back. "

"No, wait please." She tries to struggle out of hold but I'm gripping her as tight as I can. "Don't do this."

Quinn turns around and looks at me with tears falling from her eyes, gut-wrenching guilt fills my insides._ I'm a fucking idiot. _"I told you I was okay with you picking her." She backs me up against the nearest wall. "I told you that I was willing to let you go even if it was gonna hurt." She tells me angrily. "I fucking love you so much, I'd actually be okay with getting hurt as long as you're happy. I'm not okay with this though... This isn't some fucking game, Santana."

"I know it isn't... I just fucked up and I'm so sorry."

She shakes her head again and starts to turn away from me. I grab her shoulders though and she looks at me with an expression I've never seen in her eyes before. _Pure anger. _I open my mouth to say something but she kisses my lips, cutting me off. The intensity of the kiss was bruising and I was out of breath after a couple of seconds. "I forgive you, it's my fault- I knew from the start you were someone else's... I should've respected that. I sincerely wish you the best, S." Quinn shakes away my grip and I'm too weak to stop her this time. "Get home safely, okay?"

I watch Quinn go down the stairs... I want to scream and tell her to wait, I want to run after her. But I don't, I just crumble to the floor and start crying my eyes out. I wrap my arms around my body because it seriously feels like my insides are being torn apart. Everything hurts so much.

I fucking hate myself.

* * *

**_August 20,_ _2012 _**

_**SantanaLopez:** Things can't end like this... I'm so sorry, just talk to me. __Please. _

___**SantanaLopez:** You know what time I have to be at the __airport. Please, Q. :( I love you. _

I'm not even going to show you my other messages... There are _a lot _and it's embarrassing. I'm also not going to mention the number of times I've tried calling her... Ugh. Look, I understand why Quinn is ignoring me- _I'd_ even ignore me... But I _need_ her to talk to me before I go. A summer this magical can't end this tragically.

Come on, not like this. No.

I call her phone again and for the nth time and like I was expecting- it goes to voicemail. I take in a deep breath and my tears start falling again. _Fuck, I can't stop crying. _

_"Quinn, please... Just give me a chance to explain. Do you remember the night of our first kiss?— We played truth or dare and agreed that the loser has to do one thing the winner says... I won, remember? Well, I need you to come see me before I leave. Please, Q. Please." _I sound pathetic but I'm pretty desperate right now. I have less than 3 hours before I have to be at the airport. _"I love you, I know it took me so long to say it but I'm so in love with you Quinn and I know I messed up badly but we can't end things like this. I won't be able to handle it..."_

I drop my phone and crawl under the covers of my bed. I grab the stuffed unicorn Quinn _won_ for me during my first weekend in Fantascape. That weekend was so long ago yet it feels like it happened just yesterday... Time flew this summer and I seriously feel like I just met Quinn, our story is just starting- it can't end yet. It just can't. I press my face into the pink fuzzy material of the toy in my arms and allow it to catch my tears.

_-x-x-x-x- _

"Dad, can we leave now?" I yell out impatiently, lugging my suitcase down the stairs. Everything I needed to bring home was inside- clothes, Mr. Teddy, the framed photo of Quinn and I on _Spacescape_ and other important stuff. The unicorn wouldn't fit in my suitcase so I was hand-carrying it,_ at least I'll have something to hold onto on the plane_. "Dad, let's go!"

"Tana, you don't have to be in the airport for at least another 2 hours... What's the rush?" My dad asks as soon as he makes it down the stairs.

"I need to pass by the Fabray house." I shrug my shoulders and look away, hoping he doesn't notice how puffy my eyes are. "Can you please drive me there?"

"Did you fight with Quinn or something?" He asks me softly and I shrug my shoulders again. "Or is it because you're gonna miss her?"

"Both, please dad... I have to go now."

"No." He shakes his head and starts walking up the stairs. I gawk at him incredulously, I open my mouth to say something but he cuts me off. "You have a visitor, we're leaving the house in about an hour, okay? I think I'm going to take a nap." He disappears from my sight and I turn around to face the front door.

_Quinn. _

I let go of the suitcase and the toy, I run over to the door and quickly open it. "You're here." I place a hand over my mouth in shock and I start crying again._ I stopped like 10 minutes ago... _I just feel so much when it comes to Quinn, okay? I've never been this emotional before... "Quinn, I'm so fucking sorry."

"I know." I wrap my arms around her and let out a sigh of relief when I feel her hug me back. We both enter the house and we sit on the couch in the living room. "How much time do we have left?"

"My dad's coming down in about an hour..." I tell her softly, rubbing at my eyes- fucking tears won't stop coming out... "Quinn—"

"I meant it when I told you that I forgive you."

"You don't hate me?"

"I couldn't hate you even if I tried." She shakes her head and her hazel eyes fill up with tears. "I was the one at fault anyway, you tried pushing me away, S... I'm that one who kept pushing for something more than just friendship."

"Please, don't do that... You sound like you regret everything." When Quinn doesn't say anything, I cry even harder. _It's so hard to breathe right now... _"I'm the one who fucked up, not you. This summer was perfect, you know it was."

"Maybe some people are meant to fall in love with each other but aren't meant to be together." She whispers out and my heart crumbles._ No. _"I love you so much but I realized that we're fighting a losing battle..."

"What happened to _'we'll make it work'_?" I ask her angrily and she casts her eyes downward. "We knew it was going to be hard but we were going to try, remember?"

"I don't think I can..."

"Why?" I ask in a frustrated tone, burying my face into my hands. "I love you, you love me... We can do it, I'm sure we can."

"It's going to hurt the both of us too much. Brooke's also going to be around and I know there's still something there. I know I want you, despite everything I still want you but—"

"But you don't want to fight anymore... You want to give up already." I finish for her. "So this really was just some epic summer fling, huh?"

"It was way more than just a fling for me. It really was, this was the best summer of my life. You brought me back to life, S."

"But we're over, right? Summer is over and so are we..." She looks away and I nod in understanding even if my heart was breaking. "Okay then."

"San—" I shake my head and stand up. "I love you." She whispers out and I turn to face her, rage filling my chest. "You know I—"

"No, you don't. If you did then it wouldn't be this easy for you to give up on us. Thanks, Fabray." I chuckle out bitterly, wiping my tear-stained cheeks. "Thanks for making me fall in love with you and wrecking me in the process."

"Santana—"

"Goodbye, Quinn."

* * *

**_August 21,_ _2012_**

_**SantanaLopez:** I'm back in Seattle._

I'm home.

Summer is over.

Quinn is gone.

_Welcome back to reality, Lopez._


	10. Chapter 10

**_August 27,_**** _2011_**

It's been a week and I'm still trying to convince myself that the fact that I'm single right now is a good thing. A long distance relationship would've been toxic- _distances only bring destruction._ I should be glad that Quinn ended things between us before I got even more attached to her.

_I'm okay. I'm great. I'm amazing._

I figure that if I keep telling myself that I'm fine, I'll actually feel like it... The pain inside me that makes even breathing a chore will disappear and I'll live my life as if summer '11 never happened- as if I never met _her._ The memories will fade and so will she... I know at some point I'll be able to function properly again, I'll be able to last a day without thinking about her.

I'll eventually move on.

I just wish it didn't hurt this much... I seriously don't understand _why_ it feels like this. I know it was all my fault, okay? There's no one else to blame but me so I should accept how things went down. I honestly think it should be easier than this... My heart broke _twice_ this summer but fuck the second time around was a lot worse- maybe it's because I haven't completely recovered from the first blow or maybe it's because what Quinn and I had was just different.

I don't know, I wish I did though...

It's stupid how so many things make me remember her... I'm in freaking Seattle, nothing here should fucking remind me of her. It's not fair, I'm so sick of feeling like I'm suffocating, of feeling so helpless. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to make the pain in my chest stop throbbing. Whenever I close my eyes, my mind tries to recreate the feeling of her arms around me, her scent, her voice.

_Fuck this shit._

A part of me still refuses to believe that we're over, I don't know why but I can't completely wrap my mind around the idea that Quinn and I are done for good. It's way too soon, I just got her... _She can't be gone._ This summer was straight out of a fairytale but the fucked up part about the existence of fairytales is that the _'happy ending'_ isn't guaranteed. And once it's all over you're left clinging onto something that is in the process of being eradicated by time.

I seriously wish I could just fly back to Ohio and prove to her that we belong together but I can't... My pride is too high for that and our lives are going in different directions. I need to be here in Seattle and she needs to stay there in Lima. Plus, she doesn't want to fight for us anymore, _she doesn't want me anymore_... The odds against us were already bad so if she's not willing to give it her all anymore then there's no point in even trying.

It's just that... She was so sure about us. The bracelet that's still on my wrist is proof- she believed we could make it but then yeah, I messed up with Brooke. Ugh, it's so frustrating knowing that the only reason why you're not happy is because _you_ made a mistake. I'm slowly drowning in self-pity and I can barely recognize myself... _This isn't me._

Fuck you, summer 2011.

What happened with Brooke this summer broke my heart but what happened with Quinn completely dismantled me.

_And I seriously have no idea how to put myself back together._

* * *

**_September 12, 2011_**

It's the first day of senior year and I'm walking down the main hall of Seattle Heights High, everyone's eyes are on me... Well, no one has seen me since the start of the break so I'm assuming the rumors are pretty intense. I clutch my binder closer to my chest- using it as some sort of useless make-shift shield. I pretend that their stares have no effect on me though by strutting to my locker, seemingly unfazed.

"Santana Lopez's first public appearance since her summer disappearance. Where have you been, Ms. Lopez?" A blue microphone is shoved in front of my face and I glare at the redheaded reporter. "There are a lot of rumors circulating about you but the most believable one seems to be that you had to give birth somewhere... Any comments?"

"Fuck off, JBI." I say through gritted teeth, I quickly open my locker and start stuffing my books inside, trying my best to just ignore the loser.

"Boy or girl?"

"I said fuck off, dweeb." I push away his microphone and glare at him, I start walking to my fist classroom but of course he and his cameraman follow me. "I'll give you _two—_" Before I could even finish my threat JBI is on the floor covered in red icy slush. I look at the jocks high fiving beside the mess curiously until the sound of a person clearing their throat makes me turn around. "Thanks." I mumble out and Brooke smiles at me.

"He should know better than to mess with you." I shrug my shoulders and nod before walking again, I feel her grip my wrist though. I look into her gray eyes again and sigh. "Are you done ignoring me, S?"

"I'm not ignoring you." She loosens her hold and I step back a little.

"Really? You've been home for more than 3 weeks and you haven't replied to any of my texts or answered any of my calls... I even tried visiting you." I feel guilt bubble up in the pit of my stomach but I try my best to ignore it. "You can't just drop me like that, that's not fair. I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not have you in it at all." The tears in her eyes made my mouth feel dry. "Even if you are with _Qui_— "

"I'm not." I cut her off before she can say _that_ name... _I don't like hearing it._ "We're over, we ended things before I even left Ohio." The words that were coming out of my mouth were causing me actual physical pain. I can't believe I'm saying this out loud... _Fuck_. Brooke just stares at me, her eyes slightly wider than usual. The first bell goes off and I let out a sigh of relief. "I have to go." She nods slowly and I start walking away from her.

"Santana!" She yells out and I twist my neck around to look at her. "I'll see you at lunch?" I just give her a lame thumbs up before walking towards first period English again.

_-x-x-x-x-_

I grip the plastic tray in my hands tightly as I walk towards my usual lunch table; Brooke waves at me and pats the free space to her right. I sit down beside my best friend and try my best not to mind the fact that everyone in the table is staring at me. _Ugh._ "I'll give you all 3 seconds to stop looking at her." Brooke says in an annoyed tone and my _'friends'_ focus on their lunches and own conversations. "How were your classes?"

"Fine." I told her dully before picking at my food, I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone... I just wanted to get the day over with, go home and get some sleep. I feel her place her palm on my thigh and my whole body freezes, she quickly removes it and frowns. "Sorry, I'm just—"

"After you eat, can we please talk in private?"

"Yeah, okay. We can actually go now... I'm not that hungry anyway." I take a sip from my bottle of water and push the tray away from me. We stand up, head out of the cafeteria and find some empty classroom. I sit on one of the chairs in the front row and Brooke leans on the teacher's table. My heart is thumping, for some reason being alone with Brooke is making me feel weird.

"What's up, S?"

I raise an eyebrow at the casual question... I open my mouth but nothing comes out,_ I don't know how to answer her._ "Umm—" I take in a deep breath and look away. "What do you mean?"

"How are you?" Brooke asks in a soft tone and I feel tears trying to escape my eyes. "Yeah, it's kinda awkward but come on... We're best friends, I'm still here if you need someone to talk to... You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know." I struggle out and she closes the distance between us and lowers herself onto the floor so she could look me in the eye. She tucks some of my hair behind my ear and I barely stopped myself from flinching. "B, don't—" I whisper hoarsely, she squeezes her eyes shut and nods.

"Sorry, I just miss you, okay? And I _need_ us to be normal again, I really need you in my life, San." She sighs and wipes away the tear that was rolling down her cheek. "I'm not gonna do anything funny, I promise... I know you're not ready for _that _but I just want to be friends, okay? We need to start somewhere."

"Yeah. For sure, Brooke, _best_ friends." I place my hand on top of hers and she gives me a weak smile. "I'm sorry, I've been such an asshole lately... _I just_- I've been weird, I really _mi_—" I bite my tongue before it comes out but Brooke knows me better than anyone. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you miss her... I get it, it's okay. You need to know something though... I'm not giving up on _us._"

"Brooke—"

"No, just listen first, alright?" I nod and she continues. "I'm willing to wait... Doesn't matter how long, I'm going to wait for you. We're meant to be together and I know we'll be able to get through this. I know I fucked up but I'm going to prove to you that I do deserve you, I swear I will." She kisses me on the cheek and tears fall from my eyes. "But right now, I'm going to be your best friend because that's who you need me to be..."

We skip the rest of our classes and Brooke makes me tell her all about what happened with Quinn. It was awkward as fuck because I was basically crying over the girl I loved to my ex, who I wasn't sure I was _completely_ over yet. Talking to Brooke helped a lot though, I really hate looking vulnerable but it's also unhealthy to keep all that shit in... Brooke's my best friend, who else would I talk to?

_Yeah. I know, right? Welcome to my twisted life..._

* * *

**_September 19, 2011_**

So it's been a month since that day in the lighthouse. _Fuck. _I feel so pathetic because I can't stop myself from imagining how things would be like if Quinn and I were still together now. Would she come to Seattle to surprise me for our first month anniversary? It seems like such a Quinn thing to do. _Ugh why do I torture myself like this..._

I almost called her a while ago... I don't really know what I would've said to her but like I just really wanted to hear her voice. Oh my God, I _am_ pathetic. I even skipped school today cause my body just feels so weak. It's insane how the pain is still there, it doesn't seem like it's fading at all... Sometimes it even feels more intense than it originally did. Those are the times I really miss Quinn, those are the times I hold onto the fucking unicorn she gave me and cry my eyes out. I'm so sick of feeling like this, I really am... I just want it all to stop hurting so much.

It's been almost a month since I left Ohio. I wonder if the fact that we're over is killing her like it's still killing me.

I'm seriously dying to know if she's over me already.

_What if she has someone new?_

The thought of Quinn with someone else is disgusting. I try to shake away the image of her with some random girl because it's seriously causing sharp jolts of jealousy to surge in my chest. I take in a deep breath to calm myself down and to stop myself from crying. It's pretty comical how quickly_ Quinn-related_ things upset me; I just feel so fucking much when it comes to her. And I hate it, I really do.

This isn't me... I've never been the type of person who got attached to people. So it's fucked up that I'm so attached to someone who wasn't even in my life for that long. It's a funny feeling- missing something that disappeared before you understood how important it was to you. The regret that you feel is overwhelming but there's nothing you can do about it because it's too late and time doesn't rewind itself for anyone.

I'm numb, not the _'I don't feel anything' _kind of numb because I do feel shit like sadness and longing. I'm numb in a sense that everything that's currently going on in my life doesn't really affect me because I'm still so hung up on how I feel towards Quinn. Those emotions take up like 97% of my _everything_ and I feel like I'm slowly losing myself because a huge part of me is still back in Ohio. _With her._

They say in time that memories and feelings fade... But why does it feel like _I'm_ the one fading? All the memories are still there and as days go by they get even stronger and I just get weaker and weaker. It fucking sucks and I actually don't understand what's happening to me because even with Brooke or all my other prior break-ups, nothing felt like _this_.

Maybe it's because there was no real closure, maybe it's because I'm still in denial. I don't fucking know, all I know is that up to now I still cringe when a random moment with Quinn pops into my head, leaving me slightly breathless and pretty fucking lost.

I just really miss her, alright? I can go on and on, trying to explain how I feel inside but it all boils down to me missing her so fucking much.

Missing the way she made me smile.

Missing the way she made me feel.

_Missing the way she loved me._

* * *

**_September 23,_**** 2011**

Fall starts today, which means summer is officially over.

There's a _'start of Fall' _party later at Brooke's place, it's lame but it's not like teenagers really need a reason to party... I honestly don't feel like going but I have to show up, I already didn't go to the first couple of parties... Plus, this is Brooke's party- _I need to be there for her_.

It's just that whenever I hear the words Fall or Autumn my heart clenches a little, I don't know they just remind me that my perfect summer with Quinn is gone. So celebrating the start of Fall is fucking ridiculous... Ugh. Maybe it's called Fall cause it's the time of year when everything falls apart? I don't know, fuck all these feelings are making me poetic. _It's gross._ It's probably just called Fall cause it's the time of year the leaves fall off the trees... Yeah, that's probably it but whatever.

Things between Brooke and I are good, by the way... She's been the perfect best friend and I honestly feel like she isn't pushing for anything more right now. I know she still has feelings for me, it's obvious but like right now I'm still too in love with Quinn to even think about being with anyone else even if I was with Brooke first. I realized that it isn't about who came first it's about who made you feel more and a girl back in Lima made me feel way too much in such a short span of time.

I'm thankful Brooke is around though cause whenever things get too hard, she distracts me. It's like we're those two eleven year old kids again who just goof off and have a good time, no feelings, no attraction, no sex- _nothing bad_. I missed how things were with Brooke and I before shit got complicated and I'm actually really glad that things are working out for us. I can't tell what's going to happen in the future but if I'm going to be completely honest I know it's still possible for us to end up together- there's something, there has always been something there. But right now, I'm still wishing I was 2,000 miles away from here in the arms of a certain blonde.

I just want to stay home tonight, study for the SATs or something... I'm really not in the mood to be in a house full of drunk teenagers but there's no way out of it.

_-x-x-x-x-_

I can hear the bass pounding from inside Brooke's house. Everyone's probably faded by now because it's already past 11PM... I weigh the pros and cons of just leaving and texting Brooke some lame excuse about why I couldn't make it. She'll be pissed but I'm sure she'll get over it, I was about to start walking home when someone shouts my name. "Where do you think you're going?" Brooke asks from her porch.

"Umm. I was just going to—"

"Ditch your best friend's party?" She asks in a challenging tone and I sigh before walking up to her and kissing her cheek. "You're already late. Might as well go in, right?" I can smell the alcohol on her and I sigh silently because even if I'm late I know it's still going to be a long night. I nod and she hooks her arm through mine and pulls me inside the house. Like I expected everyone in there was already past tipsy. "You want a drink?"

"Yeah, okay." I shrug my shoulders and she leads me to the kitchen. She mixes something and pours the liquid into two red cups- she hands me one and I bring it to my lips and gulp down like one-fourth of its contents. I need alcohol in my system if I'm going to _try_ to enjoy this party. We head back to the living room and Brooke tells a couple of people to get off her couch so we could sit down. She snuggles close to me and I don't push her away- _a tipsy Brooke has always been a touchy Brooke._ We're both quiet for a while, just casually sipping on our drinks and watching the other people in the room.

"So, why were you late?" I look to my left and I instantly regret doing so, her face is close enough for her breath to hit my skin. I shift my eyes elsewhere and I try to stop my body from visibly tensing up._ I really don't want to make things awkward..._

"Kinda fell asleep, sorry." It's a lame excuse but I couldn't think of anything else. I quickly try to change the topic. "Everyone is so gone, it's funny... I'm surprised you aren't that drunk yet."

She shrugs her shoulders and rests her head on my arm. "I didn't want to be wasted when you got here."

I smile at her and she grins back. "What have you done to my super wild best friend?"

"I don't know, I guess she's just trying to be a better person for someone she cares about." I tense up at _that_... It's obvious that Brooke noticed because she stops leaning on me and moves away a bit. "I'm sorry, I'm probably crossing the line, huh?"

"No, B. You're fine." I try to reassure her but she's already standing up. "Where are you going?"

"I need another drink, I'll be back." She walks away before I can say anything else. I hold my head in my hands out of frustration, _what the fuck is wrong with me? _She's trying so hard to fix things between us and I just keep fucking it up by being weird. I finish off my drink before heading to the kitchen to look for Brooke. I see her by the drinks table, talking to some jock. I glare at the boy before walking over to them and casually wrapping an arm around my best friend's waist, I can tell that the possessive gesture surprised her. She looks at me curiously before returning her attention to the football player. "Yeah, _umm- _I need to go."

"But—"

"She said she needs to go." I cut the boy off before he can finish whatever he was trying to say. I grab a random bottle of alcohol before leading Brooke out to the backyard, the music inside was giving me a headache and I needed to figure out what was going on in my mind. We sit on the two recliners by her pool and we silently pass the bottle of vodka between us. I'm trying to figure what the fuck I just did, _was I jealous? _No... I don't think I was. I shift my eyes to Brooke and I can tell she's lost in her own thoughts; she's probably trying to understand my earlier actions too. I gulp down more of the vile tasting liquid, hoping it would somehow help the situation.

"What the fuck was that, Santana?" Brooke asks angrily without any warning. _Fuck, this is going to ruin my buzz._ I turn to face her and sigh. "I don't understand you."

"I don't understand myself." I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly and she glares at me. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

I try to bring the bottle to my lips but Brooke grabs it and tosses it into the pool, I stare at her incredulously. "What's wrong with you?"

"Me? What's wrong with you?" I roll my eyes and fold my arms across my chest. "You're not allowed to do shit like that, San."

"You're over reading things, B... I didn't do anything."

"Really?" She raises an eyebrow at me. "So you weren't acting all possessive a while ago?"

"Nope." I make a popping sound at the end of the word and Brooke's eyes narrow even more. She stands up and starts walking back towards the house. "Where are you going?" I yell after her.

"To hang out with someone that I can actually read." I run after her and make her face me, tears were streaming down her cheeks and I seriously feel like kicking myself for being such an asshole. "This needs to stop, S... You can't just do shit like that and act like you're not doing anything wrong."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Look, I'm having the hardest time dealing with the fact that you're in love with someone else... I'm also trying my best to be _just_ friends with you right now and I'd really appreciate it if you didn't make things even more complicated than they already are."

"B, wait—"

"I _have _been waiting, San."

"I really don't know what I want to happen..." I tell her softly, I was desperately trying to figure out the right thing to say but my mind was hazy because of the alcohol. "I don't even know if I can feel that way again, too much has happened and I just don't know anymore."

"You have to tell me now, S... Do we still have a chance? I'm willing to wait as long as you need me to but I need to know that I'm waiting for something."

My breath gets caught in my throat and I look into her gray eyes, trying my best to come up with a sure answer. _Do we? _"I'm not sure."

She starts pulling away but I hold her hands tighter. "That's not the answer I wanted to hear."

"What exactly _do you_ want to hear from me?" I ask in a frustrated tone. "You want me to tell you that we're going to be together as soon as I get over Quinn? Is that what you want?"

"Let go of me, S." She tries to struggle out of my grip but I shake my head. "I don't know what I want either, okay? I just know I still want you. Even after everything, I really just want you..." I release her and she wipes away her tears. "If you really don't think we're gonna work out, can you please just tell me now? If you can't see yourself with me anymore… I'll let you go."

"I don't think I want you to do that." I say sincerely and her shoulders fall, I wrap my arms around her tightly. "I don't want to lose you too." I bury my face into her neck and allow my tears to fall on her skin.

"Shh." She hugs me tighter and kisses the side of my head. "You won't lose me… _Never._" I pull back a little and she rubs her thumb over my tear-stained cheeks. "But be prepared to fall in love with me again, Lopez because I'm so done with just letting you slip away from me." She leans in to kiss me but I look away so her lips land on the corner of my mouth. I hear her sigh, I was about to apologize to her for the nth time but she shook her head. "Are you gonna be okay with that?"

"Okay with what?" I ask, slightly confused- I was still thinking about the almost kiss… This is exactly why Quinn ended things because things between Brooke and I are so messed up.

"Falling in love with me again." I open my mouth but no words come out so I settle for just hugging her again. I don't know what to tell her because I don't know if I'm okay with it…

But falling in love with Brooke again meant really letting Quinn go. And right now I don't think I'm okay with _that_.

* * *

**_October 19, 2011_**

I'm finally 18- _legal age, baby!_ I know nothing's really gonna change but it's still pretty cool not being a_ 'kid'_ anymore.

You know what's funny- Quinn and I would've been officially together for two months today and like it's my birthday. I wonder how amazing today would've been if she was my girlfriend... _Fuck. _I seriously need to stop thinking about shit like that. I need to get it in my head that we're over and it's impossible for us to get back together.

_Move on, Santana. Move on._

I promised myself that I was really going to try to get over _her_... Especially now that Brooke has been nothing but perfect. She's been immensely sweet to me the past couple of weeks and it's not fair to her that a part of me is still dreaming of being in a relationship with Quinn. _Not fair at_ _all. _Things got fucked because I couldn't decide who I wanted to be with, right? Now that there isn't really a choice... I need to focus on making things work with Brooke.

_To feel the same way as I did before I left Seattle five months ago._

It's not _that_ hard anyway... There was a time in my life when I only had eyes for Brooke so I can do this- _I can like her again_. I just need to try harder to stop thinking about a hazel-eyed girl back in Lima.

Get it in your head that she's gone, Lopez.

Life is pretty bearable nowadays, there are even some days where Quinn doesn't cross my mind at all. They're rare but they exist. But there are also some days when certain memories come flooding back and for some reason it gets hard to breathe. Some days are painless and some days are excruciating... I'm coping though, I'm learning to be happy again- to be happy without _her_.

I'm terrified though.

Because if she's disappearing from my world then I'm disappearing from hers and the thought of Quinn forgetting me is fucking terrifying.

_-x-x-x-x-_

_"Happy birthday, baby girl!"_

I chuckle and roll my eyes. "Thanks, dad."

_"How are you, Tana?"_

"I've been okay... How are you- _how's Lima?_" I struggle to get the last part out, up to now anything Quinn-related is hard to say...

_"I actually have something to tell you." _My heart beats a little faster... Is this about- _"I'm kind of dating someone right now, I met her a bit after you left."_

"No way?"

_"Yeah. Are you okay with that?" _I shrug my shoulders even if he can't see me, I mumble out an _'mhmm'_. _"Tana, she's really nice..."_

"I'm sure she is, dad."

_"I think you'd like her."_

"As long as she makes you happy... I'm sure I will." I tell him honestly, he deserves to be happy. "I have to go, I'm going to be late for school."

_"Alright, I'll talk to you soon. I love you."_

"You too, bye."

_-x-x-x-x-_

**_SantanaLopez: _**_Where are you?_

Brooke still isn't replying to me... _Ugh._ I've been trying to contact her since I woke up. She stayed over pretty late last night because she surprised me at exactly 12:00AM with a box of 18 cupcakes with lit candles. It was really cute... Watching her struggle with lighting all of the candles in time. Like always, she was the first one to greet me a_ 'happy birthday'_. I groan before stuffing my phone into my backpack and getting out of my car, I head over to my locker and as soon as I swing the metal door open a red balloon flies out- I barely had enough time to grab it.

**_GYM! :)_**

I raise an eyebrow at the lone word written in black ink... _What is she up to? _I finish placing my stuff in my locker before walking towards the gym, still clutching onto the string of the balloon. I pull open the heavy doors of the gym and my eyes widen. Brooke's standing there in the middle of the court holding a huge _'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!'_ sign, my attention was focused on the pieces of paper scattered all over the floor though.

_Your smile._

_Your eyes._

_Your laugh._

Every single piece of paper had the word _'Your'_ on it followed by something random. "What is all of this?"

"100 reasons why I'm still in love with you." Brooke shrugs her shoulders, a shy grin on her face. "I didn't cheat, okay? I mean- _wrong words_." She sighs before taking in a deep breath. "I meant to say that I wrote all of it... No one helped me."

I smile at her sincerely. "Thanks, B this is really amazing." I bend down to start picking up the pieces of paper but she stops me. "What's up?"

"I have a question..." I nod for her to continue, she takes in a deep breath before flipping over the sign in her hands- _'Homecoming with me?'. _My mouth drops open.

"Are you serious?" _Homecoming? The whole student body is going to be there... _"You're asking me to be your date?" I ask even if the answer to my question was fucking obvious.

She nods her head before placing the sign down and walking over to me. Brooke holds both of my hands in hers before taking in another deep breath, it was obvious that she was nervous... "Yeah, I am... Look, I told you I was going to be brave this time around and I'm done hiding how I feel about you. I'm in love with you, S and I don't care who finds out."

"Everyone is going to talk about us."

"And?" Brooke quirks one of her eyebrows upward and chuckles. "Everyone _already_ talks about us." She shrugs her shoulders and I roll my eyes playfully. "I told you I was going to prove to you that I do deserve another chance... Fuck what other people think, I once allowed their perception of me dictate my actions and I lost you. I'm not stupid enough to make that same mistake twice. _So..._ Homecoming?"

"Of course, B." I smile at her widely before wrapping my arms around her for a tight hug. She pulls away a little and I can tell she wants to kiss me, I panic and accidentally let go of the balloon in my left hand… "Shit." I curse under my breath.

"It's okay." We both know that she isn't only talking about the balloon… She knows I'm not yet ready for intense couple_-y_ crap. I was about to pick up the pieces of paper on the floor but she stopped me. "Don't worry about those, I'll get someone to place it in an envelope or something." I nod and we both walk out of the gym- I don't stop her from interlacing our fingers.

_I'm happy right now, I really am._ Brooke walks me to my first class and I kiss her on the cheek before going in the room. "Thanks, B." She grins at me before skipping off towards her own classroom. My phone beeps as soon as I sit down on my chair- I take it out from my bag and read the message.

**_UnknownNumber: _**_Hey... Happy birthday, Santana. :)_

I feel a lump form in my throat and my stomach sink. I recognize the last three digits of the number...

_It's from Quinn, I know it_ is.

And just like that... I forget how to breathe properly cause it feels like something is choking my heart.

* * *

**_October 29, 2011_**

"Everyone is still staring at us..." I whisper into Brooke's ear and she shrugs her shoulders.

"I don't care." Brooke grins at me before pulling me even closer to her. "In my eyes, it's just me and you in this room right now. So don't mind them and just dance with me."

I smile at her... _She's right._ No one else should matter right now.

Like expected Brooke was the Homecoming Queen. It was pretty cute cause when she was supposed to dance with the _'King'_ she walked up to me and placed the tiara on my head and pulled me to the middle of the room for a dance.

It was obvious that everyone was talking about us but we didn't really give a fuck… There was a point in my life when _this_- being able to actually be with Brooke in front of people was what I wanted the most.

Maybe if I try hard enough I can feel the same way again.

_I really hope so. _

_-x-x-x-x- _

"Thanks for being my date, S."

The perfect smile on her face tells me that she's really happy right now, I can't help but smile back at her. "No, you're the one who made this night amazing."

"Nah." She closes the distance between us some more, I'd step back but then my back would hit the front door already. Brooke cups my cheek and I try to look away but she doesn't let me. "You're amazing… Monday's going to be hell after what happened a while ago but it doesn't matter cause it was so worth it. I love you so much, Santana." She leans in to kiss me but I look away, she lets out a frustrated groan. "Tonight was perfect, I don't see why we can't—"

"I'm not ready for that, B." I push her away and she sighs but concedes. "I'm sorry but I thought you understood that—"

"I do, I get it." The expression on her face softens and she leans in slowly to place a lingering kiss on my cheek. "Sorry… Good night, I love you." She starts walking back to her car, her shoulders slightly slack.

Guilt fills my stomach, Brooke has been exerting so much effort and I'm still being such an asshole. "Text me when you get home!" I yell after her and she smiles before giving me a weak thumbs up. "Night, B. Thanks again."


	11. Chapter 11

**_December 25, 2011_**

"Santana, get in here and help me." My mom yells out from the kitchen, I roll my eyes but stand up anyway. Before I could make it out of the living room my cellphone starts ringing.

"Dad's calling!" She tells me to take the call first and just go to her as soon as it's finished. "Merry Christmas, dad!"

_"Merry Christmas to you too, Tana. How have you been?"_

"I've been good… You? How are you and Olivia?"

_"She's actually beside me right now, she wants to talk to you for a bit… Is that okay?"_

"Yeah, sure put her on." I hear some unintelligible shuffling on the line before Olivia's voice fills my ears. We talk for a while about really random things, mostly things related to my dad. I honestly think I'm going to really get along with this woman when I meet her; she's pretty fucking cool. After we exhausted all the appropriate topics, she gave the phone back to my dad. "I like her."

_"Good cause I like her too."_

"Eww... Kidding." I grimace at how cheesy my dad sounds. "Look, dad I have to go… Mom's been bugging me to help her in the kitchen all morning."

_"Alright, I'll talk to you soon."_ I was about to say bye but he began talking again. _"Is it only going to be you two there today?"_

"Nah, Brooke's coming over after lunch, I think."

_"Oh okay, Olivia and I need to meet Brooke soon, alright?"_

"Dad, you've met Brooke a million times… She even lived with us in _Li-_Lima." I mask the fact that I can't say the last word properly with a fake cough.

_"I haven't met her as my daughter's girlfriend though."_ He says in a teasing tone and I feel heat spread across my cheeks. _Why did I tell my parents again?_ Oh right… Cause Brooke was brave enough to come out to the whole school. _"I'm just kidding, Tana… But greet her a Merry Christmas from me and my girlfriend."_

"Tell Olivia that I'm wishing her luck cause she needs it if she's gonna be dating you." I smirk out and I hear my dad laugh. "Bye, dad."

_"Bye, Tana love you." _I press the lock button to end the call before pocketing my phone, I finally enter the kitchen and my mom gives me a disapproving look but doesn't say anything.

_-x-x-x-x- _

"Open it, open it!" I raise an eyebrow at Brooke's excitement before taking my time, slowly tearing off the gift wrapper. "Santana!" She whines with a pout on her lips, I roll my eyes before ripping off the remaining wrapping paper. I remove the cover of the box and my eyebrows knit together in confusion. "S?"

"Brooke, I can't accept this… Well at least not the iPod."

"Why not?"

"I thought we weren't going all out on gifts this year…" I look at the contents of the box again- a white iPod, a couple of pairs of socks, candies and other random things. I start feeling conscious about my gift to her… _Shit. _"Plus, I have an iPhone so it's kinda—"

"I know you do." She cuts me off. "Can you please just turn the thing on first?" I sigh before taking out the plastic box, a bit surprised that it wasn't sealed anymore. I turn the gadget on and explore what's inside… It had 50+ songs, a few videos and a lot of photos. "I just- I wanted to give you something that would remind you of me when we go to different colleges…" She shrugs her shoulders and looks away. "I put in all our videos, my whole _'Brooke & Santana playlist' _and my favorite pictures of us."

I put down the box and move closer to Brooke. I cup her cheek and make her face me. "B, I really appreciate it- and I promise I'm going to use it even though I'm pretty sure that I won't forget you." I wink at her and she chuckles. "We talked about the college thing, right? We're going to make it work… Don't worry."

She nods and gives me a small smile. "Yeah, I'm not worried." Brooke reaches for my Christmas gift to her and I gulp, knowing my gift wasn't nearly as nice as hers. She tears it open and I let out a silent sigh of relief when a sincere smile spreads across her lips. "I love it, S." She removes the stuffed animal from its box.

"I just thought that Mr. Teddy could use some company." I roll my eyes because that was so fucking lame… She wraps her arms around me and pulls me closer for a tight hug; I feel her place a kiss on the side of my head. "My gift sucks compared to yours." I whisper out with minimal distance between our faces.

She tucks some of my hair behind my ear and shakes her head. "No it 's perfect." Brooke leans in and I take in a deep breath, preparing myself for the kiss… It's strange that I have to mentally compose myself whenever we do shit like this- it's natural for a couple to fucking kiss so what's wrong with me? Her lips press onto mine and I inhale deeply through my nose, trying to convince my own lips to move against hers.

"Girls, not in the living room!" My mom's voice echoes in the room and we instantly break away from each other. _I'm not supposed to feel relieved right now… _I smile at Brooke apologetically and she just shakes her head and chuckles.

"Ugh, mom!" I whine out and Brooke just snuggles closer to my side, we just sit there in my living room for the rest of Christmas afternoon- enjoying the warmth of the fireplace.

_-x-x-x-x- _

I chuckle while going through the pictures of Brooke and I in the _'Saved Photos'_; there were some really old and embarrassing ones… The whole iPod thing is actually pretty fucking sweet. We both already know that we're not going to end up in the same college since we didn't apply to the same ones. We decided a long time ago that we'd go to the respective schools that we wanted to go to, despite the fact that we won't be together.

I know Brooke's scared but I try my best to always reassure her that things will be okay… Before I could finish going through the album, my phone starts ringing. An unknown number flashing on the screen- I don't recognize it at all so I don't pick up. Five minutes later, it starts ringing again… The fourth time the person calls, I mumble out a _'fuck it'_ before sliding my thumb over the screen and answering.

"Hello?"

_"Sanny!"_ A little girl's voice squeals out. _Holy shit, no fucking way. _My stomach drops and my heart rate doubles in speed. _"Merry Christmas!" _

"Luce?" I croak out, my mouth significantly drier than it was a couple of minutes ago. I feel tears form in my eyes as memories from Ohio come rushing back… _Fuck._ "Merry Christmas to you too." I struggle out while I try my best to fight the urge to just break down.

_"I miss you." _

"Miss you too. How are you?"

_"I'm good, oh and I'm six years old now! I told Quinn to invite you to my birthday party but she said you wouldn't have been able to make it." _I squeeze my eyes shut when I hear _her _name and some of the tears leak out. I try to keep my breathing even but it was hard... _"She misses you too by the way." _

"Yeah? I wish I went. Hold on one sec, Luce." I quickly tap the _'Mute'_ option and grab the nearest pillow, using it to silence my sobs. _It hurts, after all this time it still fucking hurts._ "Hey, you still there?" I ask as soon as I compose myself.

_"Yup! Quinn's here too." _My breath hitches in my throat as my mind visualizes a certain blonde-haired, hazel-eyed girl. _"She actually wants to talk to you..." _I hear Quinn yell out a _'Lucy!' _before the noise of a phone being passed fills the line. _"Hey umm, Santana. Merry Christmas."_

I don't know what to say..._ Am I even capable talking to her?_ After a while of silence, Quinn asks if I was still there. "Yeah, I'm here. Merry Christmas to you too, Quinn." My phone lets out a soft beep, telling me that I have a new text message- probably from Brooke. _This is so fucking wrong._ "Hey, I have to go."

_"Oh, okay... I'll see you soo- I mean, I'll see you." _

"Yeah, see you." I end the call before burying my face into my bed's sheets. I haven't cried over Quinn in the longest time but right now there's no way to stop the tears from flowing out...

It's unfair, as soon as I start actually forgetting her- something comes up and all progress is lost.

* * *

**_January 27, 2012_**

"Brooke, what are you doing here?" I try to sit up but my body doesn't let me, everything hurts... So I just lie back down and pull the covers over my head. "Go away, you're gonna get sick." I feel a part of the bed dip before the covers are pulled away from me, I frown when I see Brooke so close to my sick, infected, weak body. I hide my face with my hands and she chuckles. "Why are you here? You know I'm dying..."

"S, you freaking have the flu." She quirks an eyebrow before holding my hands in hers, we look into each other's eyes and she smiles at me. "Hi."

I was about to say _'Hey'_ when a series of unattractive sneezes came out of my nose and since Brooke was holding my hands- I couldn't cover my face. I grimace when I open my eyes and see Brooke wiping her face with a wet-wipe. "Shit, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry, I'm your girlfriend... I can handle your snot all over my face." She teases and I stick my tongue out at her, she places the back of her hand on my forehead and frowns. "You're still so hot."

"I'm glad you think so." I smirk out, she rolls her eyes and shakes her head in amusement. "But seriously, I appreciate the visit but you need to go. I'm okay, my mom's taking good care of me." I look at the clock on the nightstand to check the time. "Plus, you're gonna be late for Winter Formal."

"I told you I wasn't going."

"B, you have a dress... You're going."

"But my date isn't going." She tells me with a pout on her lips and I actually feel a little guilty for getting sick. "And she has a dress too."

"Well, your date is sick so she has a valid reason for missing it."

"Well, my date is sick so I have a valid reason for missing it too. I'm not gonna go, Santana... I'm just gonna be bored and I'll probably just worry about you while I'm there so I much rather stay here and just take care of you, alright? Now, move over."

"You might get sick."

"I took a shitload of vitamin C before I got here, I'm okay." I stare at her for a second before shrugging my shoulders and scooting to the right of my bed to give her enough space. "Face that way." I turn away from Brooke and she wraps one of her arms around my stomach and presses her body against my back. "What time do you need to take your medicine?" I answer her question and she sets up an alarm on her phone before pressing a kiss to the side of my head. "Get some rest, love."

I nod my head and close my eyes.

* * *

**_February 14,_ _2012_**

I enter the Prince household, holding Brooke's present. I make my way to her room and knock before twisting the doorknob open. As soon as the door slid open, my jaw fell. "What is all of this?" I look around the room which had candles placed on a number of its surfaces, there was light music playing in the background- _oh and a half-naked Brooke was standing in the middle of it all_. For some reason I look away, a little embarrassed. _What's wrong with me? _"Umm- I got you something." I walk over to her and hand her the gift, still refusing to make eye contact

"Thanks, baby." She places the gift on her dresser before walking up to me and cupping my cheek. "I wanted to make our first Valentine's day as an official couple special." She leads me to the bed and pushes me down so I was leaning on the pillows against her headboard, she straddles my thighs and begins placing light kisses on my neck.

_I should want this, it's normal for me to want this. _

She tugs on the hem of my shirt and I allow her to slip it over my head. I fight the urge to cover my body; she's seen me naked countless times. Brooke presses her lips onto mine and I try my best to return the kiss. She unbuttons my shorts and I help her remove them. When she snakes a hand downwards I freeze and break the kiss. "Wait."

Brooke sighs before rolling away from me and settling down beside me instead. My mind was racing, trying to figure out why I couldn't do _this_. We've been together for a little more than 3 months and we first had sex with each other way _way _before that... It shouldn't be difficult at all. "We can stop if you want... We don't have to if you're not ready."

"I don't know what's wrong with me, B..."

"At least you're aware something's wrong with you." She says bitterly and I raise an eyebrow, urging her to explain. "Look, I can count the times we made out since we became a couple in one hand... The last time we had sex was in fucking Ohio." _Why did she have to bring that up?_ I clench my jaw- that's the reason why Quinn ended things. Ugh. _Stop thinking about Quinn, it doesn't help anyone. _I squeeze my eyes shut, trying my best to rid my mind of all Quinn-related thoughts.

"I'm sorry. I wish I knew why I'm being so weird..."

"We both know why, _Quinn_, right?" My mouth goes dry and I avert my gaze to the ceiling, hoping that Brooke won't notice the way Quinn's name still affects me. "Be honest with me, S... Are you still in love with her?"

"No." I rush out, trying my best not to think about her question too much because if analyze how I really feel I know I won't be able to give Brooke a straight answer. "I'm with you, Brooke."

"Ask me how many times you told me you loved me since you got back from Ohio."

I swallow the lump in my throat and inhale deeply. "How many?"

"Zero." _What the fuck is wrong with you, Lopez? _"I know you're trying but it still seems as if I'm forcing this thing between us to work... I'm the happiest when I'm with you but then I see your face and I can't tell if you're happy too. Do you know how frustrating that is? I feel like I'm doing something wrong, like I'm not good enough. I really don't know what to do anymore, Santana."

_Fix yourself, asshole. _I take in another deep breath before getting up and hovering over Brooke's body. "I love you." I wipe away the tears forming in her eyes before kissing her lips. "I love you." I press my lips onto her jaw. "I love you." I start placing kisses all over her neck and collarbone. "I'm going to try harder, B... Don't worry I promise I'll be better."

"I love you too." She whispers out before closing her eyes.

I continue to ravish her body, trying to silently tell her how much she really means to me.

* * *

_**March 23, 2012 **_

"Isn't it too soon?"

_"Well we both want a June wedding and we don't see the point of waiting until next year." _

"But you've known each other for like less than a year!"

_"I love her, Santana..." _I roll my eyes and groan because this is fucking stupid... _"I just- it's different with her. She makes me happy and I just want to marry her already." _

"Dad, I care about you and I _do_ like Olivia... I just hope you know what you're getting into, I don't want you to have a 72-hour marriage or something."

_"That won't happen, Tana... Don't worry, we're meant to be together- I know it." _

"How?" The question comes out before I'm even fully aware of what I'm really asking. "Weren't you in love with mom too? You guys didn't end up together... What if the same thing happens with Olivia?"

_"I loved your mom, I really did- she was my first love and at some point I thought she was going to be my last... But then things didn't work out and now I have Olivia and it's just different, alright? I don't know how to explain it but I feel so young when I'm with her and before you make any jokes, you know we're roughly the same age."_ I chuckle at that but my resolve softens after hearing how happy my dad sounded. _"There's just no one else I can see myself with, maybe it's corny but I don't know, I just want to be with her." _

"Ugh fine. You have my blessing but if this goes south, I'm allowed to tell you that I told you so." He chuckles before confidently uttering the word _'deal'. _"I have to go to school now."

_"Okay, but I need to know how many plane tickets are you going to need?" _

"Tickets?"

_"Well, the wedding is gonna be in Lima and I think you'd prefer flying over driving..." _

_Fuck. _The wedding will be in Lima, I'll be in Lima, Quinn will be in Lima, I'll be with Quinn. _Wait, scratch the last one out... _I won't be with Quinn, no.

I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend.

"Well unless you plan on inviting mom, just two... For Brooke and I."

_"Oh umm, I'll just discuss things with your mother. Alright, have fun in school, love you."_

"Same, bye dad." I end the call and I allow the reality of the situation to sink in. My dad's getting married to a woman I don't really know. The wedding is gonna be in the town where Quinn, the girl who continues to make my life a living hell, lives. Oh and Brooke, my girlfriend, is also going to be there...

_Yeah, someone please kill me. _

_-x-x-x-x-_

"Is something wrong? You're so quiet."

"We're going to Lima." I rush out with no emotion, Brooke's eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. "I mean, my dad's getting married in Lima and we're going to the wedding." I notice her sigh of relief. "Are you cool with that?"

"Going to your dad's wedding? For sure." She shrugs her shoulders before sipping from her drink.

"I mean, Lima... Are you cool with the both of us going to Lima?"

"Why shouldn't I be? I don't understand your question." She looks away, I sigh and start picking at my food. "Go away, dork." The four letter word at the end of Brooke's sentence catches my attention- I look up to see JBI standing there with his microphone in Brooke's face. "I have no comment, get out."

"How about Santana?" He shift his eyes towards me . "What can you say about the controversial graffiti found in the faculty room?"

"I don't care." I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly but narrow my eyes when the loser starts asking Brooke questions again. "JBI, you have one second to leave this table... 1." I give one of the jocks a look and he quickly stands up, lifts the reporter and carries him out of the cafeteria.

"Thanks, he's such a dork."

"No worries but can you not call him that? I mean call him whatever you want-" I look away before adding a soft_ 'except that'_. Brooke looks at me curiously but nods anyway. "Are you coming over later?"

"Mhmm." She leans on my shoulder and I place a kiss on the top of her head. It feels good to be able to be with Brooke in front of everyone in this school... Well, it was awkward at first with all the stares and whispers but we didn't let it get to us. After a couple of weeks things were pretty much normal again so whatever, I'm just glad that Brooke and I can be proud of our sexuality.

_There's no reason to hide who you really are._

_-x-x-x-x- _

"You want something to drink?"

"Yeah, sure." Brooke sits down on my bed and I leave the room to go to the kitchen. My phone buzzes and I roll my eyes when I see Brooke's name on the screen.

_**BrookePrince:** Do you have nail polish remover? _**_  
_**

_**SantanaLopez: **Bedside table!_

I fix up two glasses of lemonade before making my way back up the stairs and into my room. I almost drop the glasses when I see Brooke holding the _Spacescape _picture frame. _Fuck. _I forgot that was also inside that drawer... I bite my bottom lip awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say to her. I clear my throat and Brooke drops the frame on the bedspread. "I'm sorry, I just saw it and I couldn't—"

"Don't worry, it's not a big deal." I cross the room and place the drinks on the bedside table before picking up the picture frame and hiding it in my closet. "I forgot that was even there." I chuckle before shrugging my shoulders and walking over to the bed to sit beside Brooke. "Are you okay?" I ask after a while of awkward silence.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She replies without looking at me, I sigh before cupping her cheek and tilting her face towards mine. "I'm okay, I promise."

"Don't lie to me, please."

"Why do you still have that?"

"The frame?" I breathe in deeply, while I try to figure out what to say to her. "I don't know, I just put it in there and I guess I forgot about it."

"Well you forgot this too." She hands me Quinn's bracelet and I frown. "Q & S? How sweet." Brooke says bitterly before folding her arms over her chest.

"Don't pick a fight over this, B... It's nothing."

"If it's nothing then why do you still have it?"

I roll my eyes before placing the bracelet in my jewellery box. "Just drop it, okay?"

"Whatever." She stands up, grabs her backpack and heads to the door. I think about stopping her but I know if she stays we're just going to end up fighting again so I let her go- I'll talk to her when she cools down. I hear the front door slam shut and I groan out of frustration before plopping down face first onto my bed.

_Relationships are hard. _

* * *

**_April 28, 2012_**

I'm just so over life right now. Everything is just too fucking stressful...

My last college acceptance letter came in today, Brooke has had all of hers since like last week but we decided to open all of them together. Actually, she's supposed to be here right now but we got into an argument on the phone this morning. Ugh, I hate the fact that we're _always_ fighting. We fight over little things, over big things, over nothing, over everything. It fucking sucks and it's just so draining to constantly quarrel with someone- _especially someone you love._

I'm just really hoping that once we know what's going to happen with our college lives, things will be easier on us since there's less pressure. And like the prevalent friction between Brooke and I will finally disappear. I know we're both trying to make things work but like if it's difficult while we're together, what more when we go to different places... _Distances only bring destruction, right?_ I close my eyes and shake away the thoughts, I promised Brooke I'd stop over thinking things. I take in a deep breath before swallowing my pride and texting my girlfriend.

_**SantanaLopez: **It's here... Come over? I'm sorry. _

_**BrookePrince: **I'm sorry too. Yeah, see you in a while. :) _

_-x-x-x-x- _

3 down, 1 more to go... Brooke and I both saved the _'best'_ for last, she's about to open her Berkeley envelope and I'm holding my Columbia one. I actually know there's no way I'm going to get in... They're extremely selective and yeah my grades and SAT results are pretty high but whatever, my chances still suck. "Ready?"

"Wait." Brooke leans in and captures my lips for a quick kiss. "Ready." We both rip open the envelopes and read what's written silently. "S?" I read it over and over again just to make sure..._ No way. _"We did it." Brooke says triumphantly and I scream before tackling her and peppering her face with kisses. "You don't even have to tell me, it's written all over your face... Congratulations, baby."

"Congratulations to you too." I kiss her and I feel her smile against my lips. "I can't fucking believe this."

"I believe it, one step closer to our dreams." She shrugs her shoulders and I grin before hugging her again. "I love you." I whisper out a _'love you too'_ before burying my face into Brooke's neck.

* * *

**_May 11, 2012_**

It's a Friday night and Brooke and I are staying in her place since her parents are out of town- we drank a bit a while ago and now we're both a little tipsy. I spark up the joint for the third time and take in a good hit, making sure to keep the smoke in for as long as I can. Brooke and I don't usually smoke up but we figured since we worked our asses off to get what we wanted then why the hell not... I lean towards my girlfriend's face and connect our lips, I open my mouth and she sucks in the white smoke. She breathes it out and I laugh because she looks really cute right now. "What's so funny?"

"You are adorable." I take in another drag and blow out perfect smoke circles. I hand Brooke the joint and she starts coughing after taking a hit. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just took in too much." She chuckles and I grin at her. "Sugar said this was laced with kush."

"Oh really?" I giggle cause I know we're both gonna get so high- _I'm probably already high as fuck_. "And she just randomly gave you 5 joints?"

"She wanted to make sure she gets an invite to our graduation party..." Brooke starts laughing when I stick my tongue out at her, I keep making funny faces just to see her laugh. "Santana, stop!"

I place the joint in the ashtray before tackling Brooke onto my bed, I start playfully nipping at her neck and tickling her sides. "Give up, B." She shakes her head and mouths out a _'never'_ so I start attacking her again. She found a way to somehow reverse our positions, so she was straddling my hips.

"I win."

"You always win." I smile at her and she closes the distance between us, her lips meet mine for a rough kiss. I shut my eyes when she begins trailing wet kisses down my jaw and neck, her hands find their way under my shirt and I moan. "Don't stop..."

"What do you want?" She whispers into my ear. "Answer me, S... What-" She nips at the skin on my neck. "-do you-" Brooke runs her tongue across my throat. "-want?"

_"Quinn." _My eyes shoot open and Brooke looks back at me with wide eyes. "I mean, I—" She gets off of me and I grab her wrist but she shakes off my grip. "Wait, I meant to say—"

"Get out of my house, Santana."

"B—"

"Get the fuck out of my house." I open my mouth to say something but I'm not really sure what to say, I grab my phone and leave her room dejectedly. I head over to the guest bathroom and wash my face, hoping the redness in my eyes would go away before my mom gets here. I call up my mom and ask her to pick me up because Brooke was my ride and I'm too faded to walk home. As soon as I was pleased with my appearance, I walk back to Brooke's room- before my knuckles could reach the door I hear her sobs. _Fuck. _

I guess I should just give her space right now...

I'm an idiot.

* * *

_**May 21, 2012**_

I haven't spoken to Brooke in over a week- I've tried talking to her countless times but she just keeps ignoring me... I can't really blame her but like I really don't know what to do now. I actually don't even know what to say if ever she gives me a chance to explain because I don't even fucking understand why I said Quinn's name that night, I guess it was the alcohol and the weed- but seriously _why the fuck_...

I know Brooke's really insecure about the Quinn thing and I just fucked up big time.

I feel really guilty, what happened just proves that I'm not 100% over Quinn Fabray even if I keep telling myself that I am. Why won't it fucking sink in that we're over? We were over before we even started... Ugh. The whole Quinn thing isn't just hurting me anymore, it's hurting Brooke and I really just need it to stop. Our relationship is already pretty rocky and I seriously need to fix myself, Brooke deserves a lot more than what I've been giving her.

I'm aware, I really am.

Prom's on Saturday and I know it's pretty much given that we're going to be each other's dates but I decided that I was going to ask her-_ show some effort_. I walk into Seattle Heights with a big bouquet of flowers, I ignore all random students staring at me. I make my way to Brooke's locker with a smile on my face. I tap her on the shoulder and when she realizes it was me she masks her face with a stoic expression. "Move, San." I plant my palms on the lockers, trapping her where she was.

"No, we need to talk."

"Talk to Quinn." She scoffs before trying to get away from me, she's unsuccessful though. "I'm not in the mood for this right now."

I extend the flowers towards her and she just stares at them, I sigh before dropping both of my arms. "Look, B... I'm so fucking sorry. I don't know what the hell was up with me that night but I didn't mean it, okay?"

"The truth comes out when you're drunk, S."

"I wasn't drunk!" I reason but I know it wasn't helping my case, I breathe in deeply to compose myself. "Please go to prom with me."

"I don't think so." She starts walking away and I drop the bouquet before running after her. "Santana, I'm going to be late..."

"I don't care. I fucked up, I know I did but I'm just so sorry, alright? I need you to forgive me."

"Come with me." She sighs before leading me out of the building and towards the football field, we end up under the bleachers and I wait for her to say something. "Why'd ya do it?"

"I don't know, it just came out... I promise I wasn't even thinking about her."

"Do you know how scary it is hearing your girlfriend answer the question _'what do you want?' _with someone else's name?" I shift my eyes downward, feeling extremely guilty. "After all this time, you still have feelings for her, huh?"

"No, I don't." I argue but I can tell Brooke doesn't believe me. "It was a mistake, it didn't mean anything..."

"Well it mean't something to me." Brooke raises her voice and I sigh. "What do I need to do for you to forget about her? What do _you_ need me to do? Cause I'm out of fucking ideas."

"Nothing, you don't have to do anything... You've been amazing, let's just move past this, alright? I'm so sorry." I walk up to her but she moves away from me, I gently back her up against the school's fence and she looks away. "Please, go to prom with me? I'm sorry, I'll be better."

"I heard that before."

"I mean it this time." I place a kiss on her forehead. "I fucking mean it." She nods before pressing her face into my neck, the weight in my chest is still there though...

_The feeling that something is wrong is still there._

* * *

**_May 26, 2012_ **

We enter the gym and instantly everyone's eyes were on us, I'm in a red cocktail dress while Brooke was wearing a light gray mullet dress. We looked good, for sure. We're actually late cause our parents took like a hundred pictures before letting us leave. We walk over to our friends and just hang with them for a while, my arm never leaving Brooke's waist. I pressed light kisses onto her bare shoulder and cheek throughout the night.

_I want to prove to her that I deserve her._

"Attention everyone!" Everyone shifts their focus onto the stage where our principal was standing with a microphone. "Can the prom court candidates come up the stage?" I kiss Brooke on the lips before she walked away from me, I was actually nominated too but I told the prom committee that I'm going to kill them if they make me go against my girlfriend. _Brooke's more into these things anyway... _They crown the prom king and the rest of the court first, saving the prom queen for last. "And the prom queen of Seattle Heights batch 2012 is- Brooke Prince." Our friends and I all cheer for her loudly, I roll my eyes when the prom king asks her to dance. She politely shakes her head before making her way back to me.

I greet her with a kiss and when we break away from each other I congratulate her. "Thank you. You want to dance?" I nod and allow her to lead me to the middle of the gym, people gave us space and watched us dance for a while before everyone began dancing with their respective dates. Brooke rests her head on my shoulder- I feel some moisture and I make her face me.

"Why are you crying?"

"Nothing, don't mind me." She grins before placing a quick reassuring kiss to my lips. "Let's just enjoy tonight, okay?"

"I am enjoying tonight, I love you."

She takes in a deep breath before nodding. "I love you too." I pull her in close and try my best to silently convey to her that things would be different now.

_-x-x-x-x- _

We both get into the limousine and I reach for the bottle of champagne, I pop it open before pouring some into two glasses. "Where do you want to go? Sugar's already?" Brooke shakes her head before knocking back the contents of the glass, I stare at her curiously before giving her some more. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine... Let's go to our park first?"

"The park? Right now?" I raise both of my eyebrows in confusion and Brooke just nods before drinking some more champagne. I feel anxiety bubble up in the pit of my stomach but I try to ignore it, I interlace our fingers and bring her hand to my lips- placing a soft peck on her skin. I tell the driver to take us to the park and the drive going there was pretty much dead silent.

_What's going on? _

I place one of the cardigans I brought around Brooke's shoulders before wearing one too. She whispers out a _'thanks'_ before leading me towards the swing set, we settle down beside each other, just listening to the sound of the metal chains moving back and forth. I want to ask Brooke why she brought us here but she looks really deep in thought so I stay quiet. After what felt like hours of excruciating silence, she finally speaks up. "Did you have fun tonight?"

"One of the best nights of my life." Brooke chuckles before rolling her eyes and I shake my head. "I promise, I know I'm not a fan of school dances but I really enjoyed this one... It was perfect."

"Good, I wanted our last night to be amazing." She smiles at me and my mouth drops. _What? _I tilt my head to the side and she looks away briefly before looking at me again with teary eyes. "Yeah, I'm breaking up with you." She sucks in her bottom lip and her whole body starts shaking.

"What?"

"Don't worry, I can't believe it too._ I just-_ I have to, this isn't working out, it hasn't been working for a while. I should've ended things sooner but I was a selfish coward."

"No. If this is about the Quinn thing then—"

"No it's not that, well not really... It is about Quinn though, you still love her and it's painfully obvious. Saying it out loud hurts a lot but I finally get it, you're not mine anymore and I have to stop trying to force you to be."

"Please don't do this, don't leave me." Tears start rolling down my cheeks and it feels like something is constricting my heart.

"I'm not leaving you. I can't leave you because you already left last summer and we both know you never really came back to me." She wipes away her tears but more flowed out. "This is me setting you free, S... "

"I don't want to be free, I want to be with you."

"No, you want to be with Quinn... We both know that." She chuckles before sniffling. "I know you love me, okay? And probably there _is_ a part of you that's still in love with me but it's not enough anymore and if we keep forcing ourselves to be together- you'll never be happy."

"I don't want to be with her... Quinn and I are over."

"You do and you're going to get her back." Brooke says softly and I open my mouth to argue some more but she cuts me off. "Promise me that you'll fucking get her back because I didn't go through all of this for nothing... I love you and I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that loving someone means making sure that they're happy, even if that happiness means losing them to someone else. So go to Lima and get her back and promise me at the end of all of this you'll finally be happy and you'll still be my best friend."

"Brooke—"

"Promise me." She says insistently, through gritted teeth.

"I promise." I get up from the swing and bend down in front of her so we were at eye-level with each other.

I wipe away her tears and press my lips onto her forehead.


	12. Chapter 12

**_J__une 11,_**** _2012_**

"Seattle Heights' Class of 2012!" Graduation caps start flying off in every direction and everyone starts hugging. I scan the room for Brooke and see her with a couple of friends, I take in a deep breath before walking up to her and tapping her shoulder from behind. I try my best to ignore the fact that her smile faded as soon as her eyes landed on me.

"Hey B, I just wanted to congratulate you." I tell her awkwardly and she flashes me a brief smile before congratulating me too. "Okay, I guess I'll just see you later... Do you want me to show up earlier so I can help you set-up or something?"

"No, I'm okay."

"Oh, alright then." Her parents come up to us and I greet them before looking for my own family. My dad and Olivia flew in yesterday just to attend my graduation and I'm flying back to Ohio with them tomorrow to help with the wedding.

Olivia's really cool and I can tell she really cares about my dad so I like her.

"There she is-" My dad lifts me off the ground and hugs me tight. "Congratulations, Tana." I laugh and he kisses me on the cheek before placing me back on the ground.

"My baby is all grown up." I roll my eyes before making my way to my mom and hugging her too. "We're so proud of you."

"Thanks mom." I whisper out, a little embarrassed by all of the cheesiness. When we break away from each other, Olivia shyly congratulates me and I chuckle before wrapping my arms around her too for a quick hug-_ she's family now_. "So where are we going?" I ask while we were walking out of the school.

"Your father made dinner reservations." I look at my mom's face, hoping to figure out how she feels about spending time with my dad. I know they aren't 100% comfortable with spending time together so I appreciate the effort from both sides. It's not as awkward as I thought it would be; the whole mom + dad + dad's fiancée thing, it's manageable.

"You can invite Brooke if you want." My dad pipes in and I shoot him a glare. "I mean, as a friend of course."

"Dad, I told you... Things between Brooke and I have been off lately."

"Well, everything is still a little fresh, give it time." He places an arm around my shoulders and pulls me to his side. "Maybe you'll fix things in the future, you never know." I bite my tongue to stop myself from disclosing too much, I just nod silently and allow him to lead me to the car.

_-x-x-x-x-_

I check the time on the dashboard's clock- 9:13PM, there's probably no one here yet... I debate with myself whether or not I should call Brooke first or just go for it; I choose the latter option. I make my way to the front door and press on the doorbell a couple of times, two short buzzes in between two long ones. After a couple of minutes, the door swings open, revealing Brooke in a short black dress. "Hey, I know you told me not to come early but I figured since I had nothing else to do..."

She nods before letting me in, I look around and everything seems more or less ready. We both settle down in the living room, a couple of seats away from each other- party music lightly playing in the background. I look at her, trying my best to come up with something to say.

It's been about two weeks since she ended things, that's two weeks of us acting extremely awkward around each other.

"What time is your flight tomorrow?"Her question catches me off guard and it takes me a couple of seconds to process what she just said.

"_Umm_- around 2 in the afternoon."

"Oh cool, have a safe flight."

"Brooke—" I suck in my lower lip and she responds with an_ 'mhmm?'_, I comb a hand through my hair before sighing. "Can we not be like this?" The unexpected straightforwardness of my statement obviously catching the both of us off-guard. "_Umm, I mean-_ what i'm trying to say is—" I stutter out, trying hard but failing to successfully string my words together.

"It's okay, I get you."

"I'm just not used to all of this..."

"You're not supposed to be, this is new for us, S." She holds her head in both of her hands. "Everything is different now."

"It doesn't have to be." I counter and she shakes her head. "B, I thought we were still going to be best friends."

"Yeah, of course... Forever." Brooke faces me again and I can tell she was fighting her own tears. "I just need some time, alright? I know I've been distancing myself from you but I have to sort myself out first. A couple of months ago, I knew what to do with my life... It was all planned out; finish college, find a job, marry you." My eyes widen slightly and she lets out a weak chuckle. "Sorry, was that too much?" I shake my head and urge her to go on. "But yeah, that was my supposed future so now that things didn't work out between us, I'm just really lost."

"B—"

"I'll be fine though, I promise I will... I just need time." Brooke inhales deeply and wipes away the tears in her eyes. "Fuck, I just put on my mascara." She laughs halfheartedly before standing up from the couch. "I'll be ba—"

"Wait, please just wait."

She nods slowly and sits back down, a bit nearer to me this time. "B, I'm scared too... I also don't know what's going to happen but no matter what we're going to be in each other's lives, okay? Promise me that one day we'll _really_ be okay and all of this will be behind us."

"When I told you we were going to be best friends forever I meant it." She grins at me. "That double pinky promise was a legit commitment, S and nothing in this world can destroy our friendship, not even some fucked up high school love triangle."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Come here." I stretch out my arms and she closes the distance between us, she leans against my front and I wrap my arms around her- hugging her from behind. "I'm sorry our lives aren't as simple as I thought they would be." I press my lips onto the side of her head. "I never meant to hurt you."

"It's okay, it's not your fault..." She whispers out, placing her hands over my own. "Sometimes shit just happens and there's nothing we can do about it." I close my eyes and allow the scent of her hair to calm me down. "Hey, I need you to do one more thing for me..."

"Yeah?"

"Did you really love me?" The question causes my eyebrows to scrunch up in confusion since I was expecting a favour in its place.

"Absolutely." I place another kiss on the side of her head and she exhales sharply. "Believe me when I say that I was in love with you, despite everything I really was."

Brooke's body shakes in my arms and I tighten my hold on her. "I'm sorry, who knew the past tense of something could hurt this much." I grit my teeth and mentally kick myself for being so insensitive- I didn't mean to be though. "I guess we just weren't meant to be, huh?"

"Brooke—"

"Okay, never mind what I'm trying to say is- I need you to promise me that you'll never downplay what we had... I know we were two kids who fell in love way before they were supposed to but like what we had was still real, right?" She sniffles and I'm kind of glad I couldn't see her face right now, knowing that seeing her cry would kill me inside;_ well kill me more than hearing her cry_. "I just need you to promise me that you'll never forget me or what we shared."

"Never, B." I press my forehead onto her shoulder. "It was all real, alright? Even when I got back from Lima, I loved you. I tried to make things work, I swear I did."

"I know, I know." She pulls away from me and I reluctantly let her go. "It was just too late... You loved her too by the time you came back to me and there was nothing I could do about it anymore."

"What if we try again, what if we can ma—"

Brooke gently places one of her fingers on my lips, cutting me off. "Please, stop. Tempting but I made my decision already, I'm going to let you go and if one day you come back to me, we'll see what happens but right now you need to be happy, S."

"I can be happy with you."

"But it's effortless with her, right?" Brooke wipes the back of her hand over her face. "Go to Lima and fight for her like I should've fought for you."

"What if it's too late?"

"Just try." Brooke kisses me on the cheek. "Maybe you'll be luckier than I was." The front door swings open, cutting our conversation- groups of kids start entering and I open my mouth to say something but Brooke beats me to it. "I have to fix my make-up, we're okay, don't worry." She gets up from the couch and heads up to her room.

I groan disappointedly before standing up, going to the kitchen and knocking back a few shots.

* * *

**_June 12, 2011_**

"Santana, wake up it's almost noon." I clutch my throbbing head before opening my eyes, everything was a little blurry. I look around and realize that I was on Brooke's bed- the panic was probably evident on my face cause Brooke began shaking her head. "Don't worry, nothing happened... You just passed out here, I slept in the other room."

"You could've slept here, it is your bed."

"It's fine, S." She hands me a glass of water a couple of pills, which I quickly gulp down.

"Thank you, do you know where my phone is?"

She takes the gadget out of her pocket and gives it to me. "Sorry, your mom was calling like non-stop."

"No worries." I scan through the messages from my mom, _fuck I'm in trouble_. "I need to—"

"Relax, I talked to her already and she said that you'll just meet your dad at the airport. She's pretty pissed that you won't be able to say goodbye to her face to face but she understands that you couldn't drive home last night." Brooke gives me a pointed look and I sigh. "I'll take you to the airport in your car and I'll just drop it off later on."

"B, you don't have to."

"I know but I want to." She gets up from the side of the bed and starts walking away from me, she points to my suitcase by the door. "She dropped that off this morning, get ready and hurry down. I made breakfast."

I was about to thank her but she disappeared before I could. I honestly feel like the shittiest person in the world right now and it's not just because of the hangover... Last night was a blur, well everything that happened after my intense talk with Brooke was a blur. I hate myself for causing her so much pain, she doesn't deserve it. But it's not like I wanted all of this to happen, sometimes life just plays out in a way that you never expected it to. I stumble to the bathroom, take a quick shower and dress up.

_-x-x-x-x- _

"Well, this is oddly familiar."

"Hmm?"

"Me, you, an airport and a goodbye." Brooke stops the car and I turn to my left to look at her. "Take care of yourself for me, alright?"

"You too." I unfasten the seatbelt and lean over the center console to give her a tight hug and a kiss to the cheek. "Love you, B."

"I love you more." My heart clenches because I don't hear bitterness in her voice at all, just sincerity. "We'll hang before you go to New York, okay?"

"Of course." I tighten my grip around her body. "Don't be a stranger."

"Never."

"Brooke, I want you to know that—" She shushes me and I bite my lip.

"Stop talking, please." Brooke kisses the top of my head. "Whatever it is you want to tell me... Can you just tell me when I'm strong enough to hear it?" I nod in understanding and pull away from her. "Get out of here, S because I swear it's getting hard to breathe in this car."

"B—"

"San, you have a flight to catch, just go. Please."

I close my eyes and nod again. "I'll see you soon."

I exit the car, get my bag from the back and walk towards the sliding doors of the airport.

By the time I looked back, the car was gone.

* * *

**_June 15, 2012_ **

I can't believe I'm back in Lima, yeah I've been here for like 3 days already but it still hasn't fully sunk in yet. And I'm still as lost as ever, I have no idea how I'm supposed to do this... I don't think I can just show up in Quinn's house and be all like-_ 'hey Q, I know it's been almost a year but I'm still totally in love with you and I was hoping we could try again, if you're up for it or whatever'._

Nah.

It's such a peculiar feeling; being painfully terrified yet absolutely eager to see a person. This place really makes me crave for Quinn though, an agonizing desire to relive summer '11. I wish I was brave enough to just face her but the fear of rejection is stopping me.

I'm scared to get hurt, I really am.

_-x-x-x-x- _

"So what's on the agenda today?"

"I hope you're in the mood for cake." Olivia grins at me before starting the car and driving off towards the bakery. I actually like helping with the wedding preparations because it makes my dad happy and distracts me from my own mind by keeping me busy. _Win-win situation. _We stop in front of a stoplight and my breath gets caught in my throat. There's a huge Fantascape sign and the familiarity of the font style and color scheme makes me feel like vomiting. "Hey, you okay?"

I look at Olivia and force myself to nod. "Yeah, I just remembered something."

"Anything you want to talk about?" I shake my head and she doesn't push for more information. I only look out of the window again when we pass the intersection and move away from the advertisement. We arrive at the bakery and Olivia and I try out random slices of cake, we end up choosing the devil's chocolate food cake with vanilla buttercream. _Heaven in your mouth, not even kidding. _While Olivia was talking to the cake guy my eyes drifted to the window pane, landing on a certain blonde-haired girl. I quickly stand up and run to the door. "Santana, where are you going?"

"One second." I exit the bakery without sparing her another glance and jog down the sidewalk. "Lucy!" I shout out and the little kid turns around, lets go of the hand of the guy that she was holding onto and runs towards me. "Oh my God, you're so tall now." I kneel down on the cement and wrap my arms around her. "You have no idea how much I missed you."

"Sanny, you're here!" She screams before hugging me back, the sound of a man clearing his throat causing us to break away from each other. "Dad, this is Santana." Lucy tells him excitedly and he smiles at me, I get up from the ground and politely shake hands with him even if I don't really want to. _Quinn told me a lot of things about this guy and let's just say I don't like him, okay?_ "Does Quinn know you're back?"

I shake my head and she frowns. "How is she by the way?"

"Okay, I guess. She rea—" Her father clears his throat again and I sigh, knowing he wanted to leave already.

"Luce, you need to go." I inform her and she pouts, I poke her side playfully- making her smile again. "I'll see you soon, alright?"

"Promise?"

"Pinky promise." I extend my pinky towards her and she wraps her own little finger around it. She grins and hugs me again, I try my best to return the hug despite the height difference. She walks away and I stare at her retreating form until she disappears completely. I feel like crying right now, I really do. If seeing Quinn's niece already has this kind of effect on me, I wonder how seeing Quinn would be like.

I'm sort of dreading it, honestly.

"There you are." Olivia says as soon as I make it back to the bakery. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing." I shrug my shoulders before sitting beside her again. "Just saw a friend."

* * *

_**June 16, 2012**_

"Dad?"

"In here!" I go inside the kitchen and find my dad and Olivia making breakfast together. They're sorta cute in the grossest way possible. "What's up, Tana?"

"Eww, please talk properly." I grab a slice of toast and take a bite from it. "I was wondering if you guys need me today cause if not I was gonna head over to _umm_ Fantascape for a while." My dad's eyebrows shoot up and he tilts his head to the side. "Like only if we aren't doing anything important today."

"Go ahead, Santana." Olivia tells me with a smile. "You've helped me a lot the past couple of days, you should go and have fun." She shifts her eyes to my dad and nudges him. "Right, hon?"

"Uhh, yeah, sure." He stutters out and I look at him confusedly. "Tana, can I have a word with you?" I nod unsurely before following him out of the kitchen and into the living room. "Why are you going to Fantascape today? You're only gonna be here till after the wedding so I'm assuming you're not trying to get you old job back..."

"No, dad I just want to see a couple of people, okay?"

"Quinn?"

"She's one of them." I shrug my shoulders, trying to act completely unfazed by _her_ name. "Why are you asking?"

"Santana, you left Lima last year in tears... I never said anything because I didn't want to force you to talk to me but you were a mess when I dropped you off at the airport that day. I like the kid but a part of me was really angry at Quinn for hurting you and I don't know, I just don't want to see you like that again."

My cheeks burn up. _Okay maybe he wasn't as oblivious as I thought he was last summer._

"Don't worry, dad... That was nothing." I lie through my teeth and he frowns. "I'll be fine, I just want to go Fantascape today, alright?"

"If you're sure." He stretches out his arms and I roll my eyes before hugging him. "I love you, kiddo."

"Mhmm, love you too." I mumble out before slipping away from him. "I'll see you guys later." I grab the car keys and walk back into the kitchen to say goodbye to Olivia.

_-x-x-x-x- _

I'm pathetic. I've been here for almost hour- _'here'_ meaning in the parking lot of Fantascape, inside my car. I'm afraid to go down, I'm afraid to face her, I'm afraid to hear what she has to say to me. I lost Quinn once and it nearly wrecked me, I just really don't think I can go through all of that again. My dad was partly right a while ago, I was an absolute mess when I left Lima last year but Quinn wasn't the one who hurt me- _I hurt her, it was my fault._ I didn't deserve her then and I don't think I deserve her now but I'm no saint and all I really know is that _it's_ still there- whatever it is that Quinn has over me is still fucking there.

It never disappeared.

_Grow up, Lopez. _I take in a couple of calming breaths before finally reaching for the handle of the door. I lock the car and start walking towards the slightly rusty gates, my heart thumping loudly against my ribs. As soon as I buy a ticket and make it inside the amusement park, my lungs decide to fail me. _I can't fucking breathe right now... _I lean against the closest wall and take out my phone, I can't just show up at _Spacescape _and risk her completely ignoring me- that'll be too much. I look for a certain saved text message and call the unregistered number. Fuck the invisible force that is constricting my lungs, with every ring on line it gets even tighter.

I think about dropping the call for a split second before that option is taken away from me. _"Santana?" _Fuck.

I squeeze my eyes shut and rest more of my weight against the wall. _That voice._ "Uhh, hey Quinn." I say shakily. "I'm here."

_"Yeah, I heard from Lucy that you were in town... We should mee—"_

"No, Quinn. I'm _here_ in Fantascape."

_"What? Where?"_

"By the entrance, I can go to—" The call ends and I stare at the screen. _Okay, maybe she doesn't want to see me... _I wipe away the tears that formed in my eyes before standing up properly and heading in the direction of the exit.

_I'm a fucking idiot._

"Santana!" I whip my head around and my whole body freezes, as if something drained out all of my oxygen. _Quinn. _She runs up to me and wraps her arms around my body, I instantly melt into the hold. "How are you doing?" She asks as soon as she loosens her grip.

"Good... You?" It's comical how difficult it is for me to form proper sentences right now. Her hair is significantly longer but other than that she still looks the same, she still looks like the girl I fell in love with.

The girl that I'm _still_ in love with.

"I've been great." She flashes me a Quinn Fabray grin and I try my best not to start tearing up in front of her like a weirdo. "You look good."

"Thanks, you do too." I shift my eyes away from her face shyly, I can handle normal compliments but a compliment from Quinn is another story. "It's been way too long, Q."

"I agree, how long are you here for?"

"I'm leaving after my dad's wedding."

"Oh, right Nana got her invite in the mail... So until the end of the month?"

"First week of July." I clarify and she nods. "How is Mrs. Kit by the way?"

"You know how she is, she still thinks she's _super_ young." Quinn shrugs her shoulders before grinning again. "I'm really glad that you're here, San."

"I'm glad I'm here too." I tell her sincerely. _Go, tell her you still fucking love her. _"So are you on break?"

"There are certain perks that come with being the granddaughter of the owner." She smirks at me and I roll my eyes playfully. "You wanna grab some lunch and catch up?" I nod before following her out of the amusement park and to her car.

A wave of memories crashing over me as soon as I sit down on the passenger's seat.

_-x-x-x-x-_

"So fill me in, how's life?" I try to ignore how platonic the question sounded. I grab my glass and gulp down like one-fourth of its contents to clear the lump in my throat.

"Umm, I got into Columbia... So I'll be in New York in a couple of months." _That's around 600 miles away from Lima, a lot closer than Seattle. _"I still can't believe I'm done with high school."

"Congratulations on graduating and on Columbia, that's amazing, San."

"Thanks, Q." The food arrives and we talk about random things while eating; I really want to bring up the whole _'I'm not over you'_ thing but I seriously don't know how so I settle for telling her about the wedding. _At least we're talking. _The meal ends and things get kind of awkward- now what? "Do you have to—"

"Are you still—"

We both chuckle because of the simultaneous statements. "Go ahead, mine wasn't really important."

"Are you still with Brooke?"

My mouth dries up and I reach for my drink again. _This is your chance, Lopez. _"No, _uhh_ it didn't work out between us."

"Yeah?" She sounds genuinely surprised. "How come?" _Cause I'm in love with you, you dork. _It doesn't come out of my mouth though, I just shrug my shoulders lamely and she nods. "Sorry, none of my business... I shouldn't have—"

"No, it's okay—" Her phone goes off and she gives me an apologetic look before answering the call.

"Yup, I'll see you later... _Umm—_" Her hazel eyes land on me, I seriously wish I could read them right now. "Yeah, I'm just here in Fantascape." I raise an eyebrow at the lie but bite my tongue to stop myself from saying anything. My stomach felt like it was plummeting to the ground though. "Okay, I will. Bye." I'd give anything to hear the other side of that conversation... _Who the fuck was that? _"Sorry about that, San."

"No worries... Your girlfriend?" I can't even ask her the question properly... The thought of her with someone else- _no._ Just no.

_Please no. _

"Umm, not really." She stands up without elaborating any further. We both head out of the restaurant and enter the car again. The drive back to Fantascape was excruciatingly silent, I could clearly hear my own heartbeat. I figure if I tried hard enough I could even hear my heart ripping itself apart. _I'm too late._ "Let's hang out before you leave, alright? Make time for me, Lopez." I just nod weakly before getting out of her car and walking over to mine.

I drive back home and go straight into my room, I hide under the covers; wishing that my blanket could somehow protect me from the pain.

* * *

_**June 18, 2012**_

**_QuinnFabray: _**_It was great seeing you, San. :) Lucy wants to hang soon. Text me when you're free! _

Friends.

It's obvious she wants to be _just_ friends this time around.

I don't know if I can do that though... I actually don't think I can. It's either life is really ironic or karma's just a bitch- a year ago I kept trying to force Quinn to just be my friend and now look how things turned out. I keep replaying the fragments of the call that I overheard, even if doing so was killing me inside. I don't think I can handle seeing her with another person, no wait, I _know_ I can't.

It's my fault for expecting too much, it's my fault for thinking that somehow she would've waited for me...

_You hurt her badly, you idiot... Why the fuck would she wait for you? _

I grab a pillow and press my face against it. I don't want to cry, I'm so tired of crying because of Quinn.

_'I can't lose you.' _Those 4 words constantly echoing through my head. We were just so fucking close.

There's no torture more exquisite than the torment brought by regret.


	13. Chapter 13

_**June 19, 2012**_

"Santana, what do you think?" I blink a couple of times to clear my head; I look at Olivia and see her pointing at two flower arrangements. "Which one?"

I tilt my head to the right and shrug my shoulders. "Either, I like them both." Olivia starts examining the choices again and I look around the shop, a certain bouquet catching my eye. I walk up to the purple flowers and gently run a finger across a petal.

_"They mean 'I am sorry, please forgive me', I asked the girl in the flower shop and everything."_

I take in a sharp breath as my mind replays that night… I wish I could give her a bouquet of these, get her to forgive me and like just start over. I sigh before pulling my hand away from the hyacinths. _If only it were that simple… _"Those are apology flowers." I turn around and see a redhead wearing the flower shop's uniform, I just nod; not really in the mood to have an actual conversation with anybody. "Are you here with her?" She points to Olivia and I nod again, maintaining my silence. "I'm guessing you're the quiet type?" I shrug my shoulders and she flashes me a small grin. "Okay, how about—"

"Santana, we're good to go." Olivia tells me from the other side of the store, unknowingly cutting off the girl that was talking to me. "We just need to go to my fitting and we're done for the day."

"Yeah, alright." While I was walking past the redhead I heard her mumble out my name, I face her again and she gives me an embarrassed grin before walking towards the back room of the shop. _Huh?_ I shake my head confusedly before making my way over to Olivia.

_-x-x-x-x-_

"Olivia, you look amazing." I tell my dad's fiancée sincerely; that gown was just perfect on her. She turns around and thanks me, a wide grin on her face. "Why are you marrying my dad again?" I ask jokingly, making her chuckle.

"Cause I love him." She unhesitatingly answers, making me smile. "He just makes me happy." Olivia shrugs her shoulders and lets out a contented sigh. "The way I see it is that the world is full of things that make people miserable... So once you find a person that can make you feel like misery is nonexistent then you should stick with them." She chuckles again before biting her lower lip, trying to suppress her smile. "Sorry, I don't know where that came from but what I'm trying to say is that I'm just so happy because of your dad."

"Well, you're both really lucky to have each other."

Olivia flashes me another honest smile before nodding. "Okay, I'll take this thing off so we can finally go home." She walks away from the large mirror and heads back into the fitting room.

It's obvious that they're both _so_ in love with each other. I know I always act like I find it super gross cause yeah it's my dad but honestly- _I'm jealous_. Not of them but of what they have... It reminds me a lot of what I _had_ with Quinn. When Olivia said that thing about a person eliminating misery, Quinn was the only one who came to mind. That's exactly what she did last summer, she took me away from this miserable world by making feel things I've never felt before.

* * *

**_June 21, 2012_**

"I'm bored." I announce while entering the living room, my dad and Olivia look up at me from the couch. "I woke up too early and now I have nothing to do." I sit on the recliner across them and sigh. "I seriously forgot how boring Lima was."

"Okay, what do you want to do, Tana?" I shrug my shoulders and my dad raises an eyebrow. "I'm going to need a better answer than that." He chuckles out. "How about we—"

My phone rings, cutting him off. I look at him apologetically before taking the gadget out of my pocket and looking at the screen- **QUINNFABRAY**. _Seriously? _I motion to the kitchen before quickly getting up and leaving the room. My heart is racing and my breathing is shallow; _why is she calling? _I shakily slide my thumb over the bar on the bottom of the screen before taking in a sharp breath and finally raising the phone to my ear. "Quinn?"

_"Sanny!"_

I smile even if I'm not sure what I'm feeling- something like a mix of relief and slight disappointment. "Hey, Luce! What's up?"

_"I thought we were going to see each other soon?"_ I bite my lower lip guiltily... _Crap. "I've been telling Quinn to call you for me but she kept saying 'later' so I just took her phone and called myself."_

"Luce, Q might get ma—"

_"Who are you talking to?"_ I hear Quinn ask in the background. _"Santana."_ Lucy answers. _"What?"_

"Umm—"

_"San?"_ Quinn's voice was significantly clearer; Lucy probably gave her the phone. _"Hey, uhh- sorry about that."_

"There's nothing to apologize for, Q... Don't worry ab—" The soft sound of Lucy crying on the line made me stop talking. "What's wrong?"

_"I want to see Sanny, Quinn!" _I hear the kid shout out. _"Umm, San... One second." _Quinn tells me before everything goes silent, I check if the call was still ongoing- _it was_. Mute? I activate the speaker option before placing my phone down on the counter. I anxiously run my fingers through my hair and groan; I really don't understand _this_ Quinn... Ugh. _"Hey, you still there?" _Her voice echoes around the room- I promptly reach for my phone, tap the speaker icon again and press the phone against my ear.

"Yeah, what's up?"

_"Are you free today?"_

"Uhh-" I glance at the living room where my dad and Olivia were watching some movie-_ I'm totally free_. "Yup."

_"Well, Lucy has to go back to her dad's tomorrow morning so if ever you're game, we can umm- I mean like the three of us- we can all hang out today." _I smile at the fact that she was rambling- so fucking adorable. _"Only if you don't have anything to do for the we—"_

"I'm in, Q. Where do you want me to meet you two?"

_"We can pick you up if you want."_

"Yeah, okay. See you in like 20?"

_"See you, San." _The call ends and I stare at the screen for a few seconds, my body was frozen but my mind was everywhere. Can I really just _'hang out' _with Quinn? Yeah, Lucy will be there but... _Fuck. _I shake my head; _finally I'm moving again_, I walk out of the kitchen and start going up the stairs.

"Who was that?" My dad asks and I think about lying for a second but decide against it; I told him that it was Quinn and that she was picking me up in a while.

He frowned but said nothing more.

_-x-x-x-x-_

"Look at all the fish, Sanny!" Lucy shouts out excitedly before pointing around the aquarium. It took us almost 2 hours to get here but after Quinn made Lucy cry, the older blonde told her she could plan out our day. _Now we're here surrounded by glass, fish and water. _"I've been wanting to go here for so long."

"I told you I was going to bring you one day." Quinn says with a shrug of her shoulders, earning her a pointed look from the kid. "What?"

"Yeah but you kept moving the date." Lucy rolls her eyes at her before focusing on the fish again. _Okay? _I can tell that something is off with their relationship- I kind of noticed it in the car but it's more obvious now. Quinn sighs before sitting on a bench and I choose to approach Lucy, I listen attentively while she talks about the sea creatures in front of her. I really want to ask her how things between her and Quinn are but I'm not really sure how to start _that_ conversation. "I _used_ to love The Little Mermaid." She says with an exaggerated groan, piquing my interest.

"Used to? Why don't you like her anymore?"

"I still like her." Lucy shrugs her shoulders before turning away from the glass and looking at me. "I just don't love her anymore because she reminds me of Andi and I really don't like Andi." She scrunches her face up in disgust. _Andi? _Lucy starts walking away and I follow her, we start looking at smaller fishes and she grins at me. "San, I found Nemo!" She points at a small clownfish and I chuckle.

"Aww, good job, Luce!" I open and close my mouth a couple of times, unsure of what I really want to say to the kid. "Hey, _umm-_ Luce-" I stutter out after a while, she looks up at me and raises an eyebrow. _Mini-Quinn, I swear. _"Who's Andi?"

"Quinn's friend." She sighs before looking at the fish again, we go through the room of fishes without anymore serious conversations. We end up in the polar bear exhibit and Quinn was still just in the background, whenever I looked at her she was either texting or spacing out. I can't help but wonder who she's texting and/or thinking about... It's driving me crazy actually- especially after hearing about her friend _Andi_... Who the fuck is Andi? "They're so big." Lucy tells me, her mouth slightly agape- we were both watching the white bears through the glass. I nod in agreement before turning around and looking at Quinn, her eyes were glued on her phone. I roll my eyes before focusing on Lucy- _well, she's missing out_. "Annoying, huh?"

"What is?"

"The new Quinn." The little kid sighs out. "She's _so_ boring nowadays."

I frown before telling Lucy to stay put, I walk over to Quinn- glancing back every now and then to make sure Lucy was okay. I clear my throat once I reach the bench and Quinn looks up from her phone, she quickly checks on Lucy before pocketing the device. "Hey, San. What's up?"

"What are you doing, Q?"

"Nothing?" She shrugs her shoulders before standing up, she was about to walk over to Lucy but I reached for her wrist.

"You know that kid wanted to come here so she could spend time with the _both_ of us, right?" I let go of her before walking away, it takes a couple of minutes before she joins Lucy and I. The little girl was acting cold towards her at first but I guess it's hard to resist Quinn Fabray; particularly when she's trying to get you to mind her. After a while, I saw their old dynamic resurface and it made me miss summer 2011 even more. We go through the rest of the exhibits and the other sections of the zoo without Quinn taking her phone out once.

_-x-x-x-x-_

"Thanks Quinny, I had so much fun today." Lucy beams from the back of the car. "We should do something like this again before San leaves."

"No problem, kiddo." Somewhere along the drive, Lucy fell asleep; the sound of her even breathing resounding inside the silent vehicle. I reach for my bottle of water and take a long sip from it. My mouth felt dry, I was really nervous to talk to Quinn but I knew I had to.

"Hey, Q?"

"Mhmm?" She hums out without taking her eyes off the road. I take in one more deep breath before finally going for it.

"What's going on between you and Lucy? If you don't mind me asking..."

"What do you mean?"

"I can tell something is different, you guys never really argued before and now things just seem off." I shrug my shoulders even if my seatbelt made it difficult to do so. "She said some things back in the aquarium, something about you being _'new'_."

I hear Quinn sigh and I shift more of my body to the right to get a clearer view of her face. "I guess she's just growing up." She shrugs and I raise any eyebrow at the lame-ass answer.

"Bullshit, she's six years old."

"Well, I don't know, okay? Maybe she's right, maybe I am _'new'_. Things usually change anyway." She tells me in an annoyed tone before turning on the radio, she made sure the volume was low enough not to wake Lucy but the action made it clear that she didn't want to talk anymore. I fold my arms over my chest and press my forehead against the glass of my window; I stare outside, trying to distract myself from my own thoughts and feelings.

_-x-x-x-x-_

"Where are we going?" I ask as soon as we miss the turn to my house, Quinn looks at me for a split second before facing forward again. "Quinn?"

"We're taking Lucy home."

"You can drop me ho_—_"

"No, we need to talk." She glances at the rearview mirror. "Like just the two of us."

I nod apprehensively, choosing not to argue. We got to Mrs. Kit's house and Quinn carried Lucy inside while I waited in the car. I was trying my best to predict how things were gonna go- _what are we going to talk about? _The driver's side door opens and Quinn slides back inside. "Where are we going?" I ask as soon as we start moving again.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere." I shrug before taking out my phone to text my dad.

"Alright." The silence that followed was deafening; it was awkward, strange and just so _un-Quinn_ like. _We were never like this._ We end up at the lake and I get out of the car first, I breathe in the fresh air deeply; glad that the tension in the atmosphere was momentarily gone. Quinn's door closes and she walks nearer to me, she leans on the hood of the car and sighs audibly. I eye her curiously but she refuses to meet my gaze. "We need to talk."

"I know, that's why you brought me here... What about though?"

"I'm sorry for losing my cool back in the car, I just- _I don't know_. You're right things with Lucy and I have been rocky lately and I guess it's just getting to me." She covers her face with her palms and groans. "Before we picked you up we got into a really huge fight, which is weird cause I never fight with that kid."

"Was it because of me?" I frown before settling beside her, I make sure there's a big enough gap between our bodies though. "I'm sorry, I didn't know that calling me would be such an issue." I force out a chuckle and Quinn finally looks at me. "I wouldn't have ans_—_"

"No, it's not that, alright?" Quinn says through a clenched jaw. I raise an eyebrow before nodding slightly for her to continue. "It wasn't really about you, _well it kinda was_ but not only about you. That kid loves you so much, Santana." She sighs out before averting her gaze upward, towards the night sky. "She's too young to understand that things are different now though- _that we can't be how we were last year._"

"I get it, Quinn." I exhale loudly, trying my best not to let the accuracy of her words break me. "I guess I was wrong for thinking I could just come back into your lives, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for coming back, San. I'm glad you're here."

"Really?"

"I promise." She hoists herself up the hood and rests against the windshield. "My life is just a bit complicated right now."

"You can talk to me... You know that, right?" I watch her as she sucks in her bottom lip, it seemed as if it took her hours before she started weakly nodding her head. "I know that I'm probably not the best person to open up to but I can be your friend, Q... I mean, if you want to be friends."

"Do you?" _No, I don't... _I force myself to smile and nod even if it was destroying me inside. "I think we can be friends." I face away from her, in order to hide how her words were affecting me. "I finally applied to a couple of colleges, by the way." She says randomly after a couple of minutes of absolute silence. "Well, I had to ask my dad for help since I'm a special case but I think I'm finally getting out of here."

"Yeah? That's great, Q but what about Lucy?"

"I'll visit all the time... And I realized something recently, that kid is _better_ than me in all senses of the word." I look at her and tilt my head to the side. "I mean, Charlie's death affected the both of us but Lucy's actually living her life. I used to think that I needed to stay in Lima to protect her but then nah, I really stayed in Lima because_ I_ needed Lucy's protection. She shielded me from the pain of Charlie's absence by reminding me of my sister." I notice the tears welling up in her eyes and I bite my lower lip. "Fuck." She curses softly before wiping at her eyes with the sleeves of her shirt.

"Quinn_—_"

"I don't freaking understand why this is so easy."

"Huh?"

"Talking to you about Charlie." She halfheartedly chuckles and I feel a flutter in my chest. "After all this time, after everything that happened... This is still so damn easy and it scares me."

"I don't know what to say." I respond sincerely and Quinn flashes me a tiny smile. "Where do you want to go?"

"New York." She lets out an actual laugh. "I didn't even know you got into Columbia when my dad asked me that same question... The funny thing is that I didn't even have to think about it, I just told him New York right away."

"Yeah? Maybe it's a sign." I feel my heart speed up immensely- if we both go to New York then things between us will work for sure. The fact that we're going to end up in the same city is a good sign, right? No more distance. _Now, I just need to be brave enough to ask for another chance._

"Maybe." I join her on top of the hood, I close my eyes and remember how she used to hold me whenever we laid like this. _I miss it, I miss it so fucking much. _We both quietly stare at the stars, I try to hide the smile that kept playing on my lips whenever the wind would gust through her; carrying her scent to me.

"Who's Andi?" I ask without warning and Quinn whips her head towards me, wide-eyed. I feel a lump form in my throat because of her reaction. "Lucy just mentioned her a while ago and I was curious." I shrug, trying to play it cool. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"She's my friend."

"Girlfriend?" I mentally kick myself for being so pushy. _Fucking pathetic, Lopez._ "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that one."

"No, she's not my girlfriend."

"Oh, alright..." I try not to let those 5 words give me false hope but it's hard... I remind myself that just because Andi isn't her girlfriend doesn't mean they aren't dating though. _Fuck. _I should've just asked if they were dating- if they were _something_ at all. I sit up and stare at the lake, wishing that things could be as uncomplicated as they were the last time we were here. "Why the lake and not your secret place?" My question catches the both of us off-guard. _Where the fuck is my mouth's filter? _"I mean, never mind I guess it makes sense that you wouldn't take me back there."

"I actually haven't been there since you left Lima."

"What?"

"Yeah, I drove straight there after I left your place. And I don't know, I guess I'm just scared to remember how painful everything was."

I feel my stomach churn with guilt and I draw my knees up to my chest. "I'm sorry, Quinn..." I remember the last words I said to her in person-_ I threw her a heartless goodbye before hiding in my room. _"I was such a bitch to you even if I was the one at fault, I'm so fucking sorry."

"Don't worry about it, what's past is past... It's over."

"But_—_" My phone starts ringing and I grudgingly answer my dad's call, he tells me that I have to go home and Quinn immediately enters the car. She drives me to my place and we have small inconsequential conversations on the way there- _at least it wasn't dead silent anymore_. She parks in front of my house and I smile at her. "Thanks for today, Q."

"No worries." I exit the car but she rolls the window down and calls out my name. I turn around and face her, mumbling out a _'yeah?'. _"Go to Fantascape tomorrow? Noah found out that you're back and he wants to see you too."

"Really?" I quirk one eyebrow upwards. "Doesn't he hate me after what I did?"

"Nah..._ I_ don't even hate you, San. Goodnight." Quinn smiles at me and I smile back.

"Goodnight, Quinn."

* * *

**_June 22, 2012_**

"Welcome back, Lopez." Noah stretches out his arms and I run to him. He hugs me tight and leans down to whisper something into my ear. "I would beat you up for hurting my girl but she'd kill me if I do... And even if you're such an asshole, you're lucky that I still kind of like you."

"I'm so sorry, Noah." I squeeze my eyes close and exhale. "I think I'd prefer it if you beat me up... I deserve it anyway."

"I wouldn't do that." He breaks away from me and grins. "I can't believe that it's been almost a year since you were last here."

"I can't believe it too." I shrug and my eyes instantly look for Quinn. "Is she here already?"

He frowns before stuffing both of his hands in his front pockets and shifting his feet awkwardly. "Yeah but- _umm_- Andi's here too... Did she tell you about her already?"

"She just said that they were friends." I shrug my shoulders, maintaining the stoic expression on my face. "Was she lying?"

"No, you know that she wouldn't lie to you..." Noah sighs before rubbing the back of his neck. "But Andi kinda really likes her and she's been trying to be more than just friends with Q for a while now."

"Oh yeah?" I look away from the boy's face. "I see."

"San, are you going to be okay with seeing the two of them together?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I didn't come here to get her back, Noah." _Fucking liar. _

"Seriously?"

He raises an eyebrow at me and I groan before shaking my head. "Of course not, I want her back... I fucking need her back but I don't want to be selfish. I'm scared that I'm just going to hurt her again."

"Will you?"

"I know that I'd never intentionally do so but I also know that she deserves way more than me."

"Look, I've been Quinn's best friend since freshman year, which means I witnessed how the thing with Charlie fucked her up... It was bad, Santana and I don't know I guess the reason why I don't hate you as much as I should is because the first time I saw Quinn happy again was when you showed up."

"I hurt her though... I messed everything up."

"Yeah, you did but people make mistakes and I don't know maybe you can still fix things."

"Why are you being so nice to me? I wouldn't even look at me if I were you."

"Because I love Quinn and if she does't hate you then I have no right to hate you." He shrugs his shoulders before clearing his throat. "They're walking towards us, act cool." I fight the urge to turn around as quickly as possible. I watch Noah's face as he shifts his eyes behind me and smiles. "Hey, guys."

I finally turn around and my jaw drops- _flower shop girl._ "_Uhh-_ hey there." I struggle out and Quinn smiles at me while Andi just nods. Now the whole thing about the Little Mermaid reminding Lucy of Andi makes sense; fucking redhead.

_-x-x-x-x-_

We're all eating in one of the lunch tables; Noah and I across Andi and Quinn. I disliked this girl when I first heard about her but now I just really hate her. Ugh. Her hands are always on Quinn and I just seriously want to break her fingers- _one by one._ If she was doing it unintentionally then I probably would've been cooler with it but she isn't; she keeps shifting her green eyes to me and I can tell she's just dying to smirk. _I fucking hate this bitch._

Quinn clears her throat before pulling Andi's hands away from her face, I'm seriously praying that the blush coating her cheeks was there because she was uncomfortable and not because of anything else... "I need another drink. Anyone else want one?" Quinn stands up but Andi pulls her back down, the redhead kisses her cheek before getting up.

"Don't worry, I'll get it for you." Andi walks away from the table and I let out a silent groan, Noah places his hand on my lower back reassuringly and I flash him a fleeting smile. I look across the table and see Quinn staring at me with an unreadable expression on her face, I watch as she opens and closes her mouth a couple of times before ultimately looking away- clearly frustrated. Andi comes back with the drinks and she sits way too close to Quinn, their sides pressing against each other's.

Ugh. I'm fucking jealous, there's no point in even trying to deny it.

I hate this.

"So, Santana when are you leaving Lima?" Quinn gives the girl a pointed look and I flash her my fake smile.

_After I get my girl back, fucker. _"July 2."

"Great." She grins and I quickly look away because the urge to punch this girl in the face is freaking getting to me.

"But you just got here... Why so soon, Lopez?" Noah asks and I shoot him a thankful look.

"I still have to fix some things back home before I go to New York in a couple of months."

"Yeah, Santana got into Columbia." Quinn tells her best friend proudly and I shyly smile at her. I see Andi discreetly roll her eyes and I smirk. _Yeah bitch, I'm going to a great college and you're stuck working in a fucking flower store._

"Damn." Noah playfully punches me in the arm, earning him a brief glare from Quinn. "That's fucking solid."

"Thanks." I chuckle before bringing my cup to my lips. "I actually didn't think I'd make the cut."

"Why not? You're amazing, San."

My cheeks start burning because of Quinn's comment and I stare at my plate. "Thanks, Q." I mumble out, refusing to look into her hazel eyes. Andi clears her throat, taking Quinn's attention away from me. I sigh quietly, I fucking hate the fact that I have no claim over Quinn even if she still has my heart- it's unfair but there's nothing I can do about it. I stay relatively silent for the rest of the meal, my heart clenching every time Andi would touch Quinn in front of me. _That should be me, that was me... _"I think I'm going to head home." I state as soon as we threw away our trash, Quinn frowned at me.

"It's still so early... You should hang around." Noah places an arm around my shoulders and pulls me towards him.

"But your breaks are almost done and I have no reason to stay..." I briefly shift my eyes to Quinn and Andi. "I'll just see you guys soon, alright?"

"Don't go." Quinn speaks up before walking closer to me, making me break away from Noah's hold. "Look, you're leaving again in less than 2 weeks... Just stay for a while longer." I nod before averting my gaze to Andi who seemed pissed off by the whole exchange. "Nana loves you anyway, she won't get mad at Noah and I if we hang with you for the day."

"Yeah, okay." I shrug my shoulders before grinning. "I missed you two."

"We missed you more, Lopez." Noah winks at me and Quinn nods while smiling at me.

_-x-x-x-x-_

I hate amusement park rides… I thought that was fucking clear. Ugh. Noah and Quinn somehow convinced me to go on Fantascape's newest attraction called _'Fanta-Tower'_, I call it the Tower of Death though. Fuck. It's a freaking 200 ft. high drop tower- _I'm going to die_. "I want to get off." I yell out before swinging my legs wildly, I was sandwiched in between Noah and Quinn while Andi was on Quinn's left. "Why am I on this thing!"

"It's okay, San... Noah and I rode it like 100 times when it was new."

"So? This thing can still kill us now." I challenge, letting out a small scream when the gondola starts rising. "I'm gonna die." I hear Andi snort and I glare at her direction, Quinn catches me and I choose to look at Noah instead- well as much as the harness would let me. "I'm gonna fucking die."

Noah laughs and I groan before squeezing my eyes shut, once we stop I stupidly decide to open my eyes. I look down and I instantly feel like puking- we're so high up, all the other rides look like plastic models. "Ready?"

"Ready for_—_" The gondola drops and my stomach lurches upward, we fall freely for a couple of seconds before the ride abruptly stops. I scream loudly and I hear Quinn laughing adorably but I don't even have time to look at her because the thing plummets downward again. This continues for almost a minute until the ride finally ends. As soon as the employee unlocks my harness, I stumble away from the machine. We make it back to the pavement and I feel absolutely sick, I look around until I spot a trash can; I run towards the bin and start vomiting out everything I ate. _Fuck. _I feel someone rub my back and hold my hair while I empty my stomach. I turn around and see Quinn looking at me worriedly. "Thanks." I struggle out before shaking my head a couple of times to clear the nausea, Noah runs up to me with a bottle of water which I quickly chug down.

"You okay? Sorry, we shouldn't have forced you..." Quinn tells me apologetically and I flash her my best smile because she looks too guilty to function. "I should take you home."

"No, Q... I'm okay, don't worry about me."

"Are you sure?" Noah asks, I instantly nod and grin at him; trying to reassure the both of them. "Damn, you weren't kidding when you said rides weren't your thing, huh?" I stick my tongue out at him and he laughs.

"I'm bored." Andi pipes in and I look away before rolling my eyes. "We should go on the ferris wheel, Quinn." She smirks at the blonde and I feel my stomach stir with jealousy. _No, fuck that. _ That's _my_ ride with Quinn- that was where we had our first real kiss... "Please?" The redhead pouts and I forcefully bite my lower lip when Quinn starts slowly nodding- it feels like someone just kicked me in the gut. I refuse to stay and torture myself, no fucking way.

I pretend to receive a text before acting disappointed. "_Uhh_- I have to go."

"What? Why? It's only like 6PM." Quinn checks her watch and frowns at me. "Are you not feeling well?"

"No, I'm fine... I just need to go." I quickly hug Noah goodbye before waving at Quinn and Andi, I walk away from the group before Quinn could say anything else... But before I go through the gates of Fantascape I hear Quinn breathlessly shout my name, I look back and see her running towards me. "Yeah?"

"Why are you leaving?"

"Why should I stay?" I counter, trying to seem okay even if I was in excruciating pain. "You'll be fine without me here anyway."

"I thought we were having fun..."

"Yeah, it was fun." I lie to her face. _No it's not fun seeing some girl all over you, it fucking hurts._

"Don't lie to me, please... What's wrong, do you still feel sick?"

"No, I said I was okay."

"Then why are you acting like this?"

"Why?" I ask through gritted teeth, in a louder tone. "Because I'm so fucking jealous even if I have no right to be... I don't even know Andi but I hate her because she's all over you and I know it shouldn't affect me but it fucking does, okay? I spent the whole day trying to be your friend, trying to be okay with seeing you with someone else... But I can't do _this_, I can't sit around and act like I'm fine with you going on _our _ride with another person." I shout out, tears filling my eyes and blurring my vision. I feel like a weakling for blurting everything out but the dam just broke and I can't pretend to be okay with all of this shit anymore.

_I can't. _

"San_—_"

"I'm sorry." I choke out before angrily wiping at my eyes. "You should head back, I'm going home."

"You also don't have a reason to be..." She whispers out and I scrunch up my eyebrows in confusion. "I mean, you don't have a reason to be jealous."

"Don't say things like that, Quinn... Friends don't say things like that to each other."

"It's the truth... Please just_—_"

"Quinn!" Andi yells from a distance and I look at her before giving Quinn a tightlipped smile, turning around and walking towards the parking lot again.

* * *

**_June 25,__ 2012_**

You know what sucks about the phrase_ 'history repeats itself'_? It makes you believe that what once occurred can happen again... Quinn ran after me countless times in the past; while we were just friends and while we were more than that. Every single time I pushed her away last summer, she came back to me... I guess change really is constant in this world. No calls, no texts; she didn't even follow me when I walked out of Fantascape last Friday. I shouldn't have allowed myself to expect anything because expectations are usually unattainable. Reality sucks.

And disappointment is a nasty feeling.

I'm fighting a hopeless battle. I'm an idiot for thinking that it's possible to bring back what was already lost.

It's been more than 10 months since we ended things, yet I'm still craving for what we had. An excruciating need for Quinn Fabray.

Well at least the wedding is in 5 days... Thank God I'm leaving Lima soon.

I just can't take anymore.

It was mistake coming back here, thinking that fate would be on my side.


	14. Chapter 14

**_June 26, 2012_**

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us to lunch, Santana?" I shake my head and force out a smile. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine, you guys go ahead. I'll just chill here."

"Tana, you've been moping around the house for days now... What's going on?" My dad glances at Olivia and she nods before walking out of the living room, he sits beside me and I instantly look away. "Is this about Quinn again?" I suck in my lower lip and shake my head again. "Santana..."

"Dad, I'm okay, alright? Just go."

"Talk to me. I want to—"

"There's nothing to talk about, I promise." _Bullshit. _I stand up and stretch my arms above my head, cracking a couple of joints. "Don't worry about me."

"I can't do that." He frowns before also getting up from the couch. "Whatever it is, I'm here when you're ready to talk about it, okay?" I just nod to appease him before motioning towards the stairs and going up to my room.

Subtlety probably isn't my strongest suit but it's not like I'm blasting songs about heartbreak...

I'm actually not doing anything. I don't feel like doing anything.

_How are you supposed to act when you want to be okay but you don't know how to?_

I'm seriously tired of feeling so fucking useless. I'm tired of being forced to endure a kind of torture that I can't even shield myself from... _You can't protect yourself from something within you. _And all of the pain is inside me- it's been there since I left Lima... It's been there since Quinn gave up on me.

There's a part of me that's desperate to get over Quinn but there's also a part of me that's still not willing to let her go. It's been almost a year but the feelings are still there, throbbing inside me; reminding me just how empty and hollow I am now. I find it really unfair that I barely got to taste happiness before it disappeared; I know it was my fault but _still_- knowing something so magical exists yet not being able to reach it is an excruciating form of torment.

It's insane how one person can mean so much to you.

And I just really want her back.

I need her back.

The problem is; just because you need someone doesn't necessarily mean that they need you too.

* * *

**_June 27, 2012_**

It's exactly 5:38PM and I just woke up from my nap. I'm clutching my phone tightly and I'm kind of wondering if I'm still asleep- if I'm somehow dreaming... I switched my phone into silent mode before I slept and now I woke up to 2 missed calls and 4 text messages from **QUINNFABRAY**. I'm actually afraid to see more than just the previews of the texts- I finally tap the green and white speech bubble icon and instantly draw my eyebrows together in confusion.

_Well someone's obviously drunk..._

I try my best to decipher what she was trying to say exactly but the misspelled words with random symbols thrown in made it difficult. I momentarily think about texting her back a reply but I decide against it; opting to call her instead. _I'm a bit worried and I've never experienced a drunk Quinn before... _The ringing sound seemed endless and I bite the inside of my cheek anxiously. I mentally chastise myself for not waking up, this could've been my chance to finally understand what's going on with this Quinn. _Drunk minds speak sober thoughts._

She doesn't pick up and I groan before blindly tossing my phone towards the foot of my bed.

And yet again I'm regressing, I spent the whole day trying to convince myself that I'll be okay without her... I thought it was working but the fact that I'm so affected by a couple of drunk texts clearly shows that it isn't. I hate this. I close my eyes and take in a couple of deep calming breaths; it's fine, it's okay, _you'll be_— I hear the doorbell buzz and my eyes snap open. _Fate, please don't fuck with me right now... _I rush down the stairs, thankful that Olivia and my dad were out. I see Noah and Quinn on my porch and I immediately open the front door.

One of Noah's arms were around Quinn's waist, keeping her steady. "Santana!" She slurs out before grinning at me. "You weren't answering my texts or calls." She pouts before staggering inside the house. "Are you still mad at me? _Please don't be mad at me._"

I help Noah lead her to the couch. As soon as she was sitting, I shoot Noah a _'what the fuck?' _look. He shrugs his shoulders before shaking his head. "Don't look at me like that, I picked her up like this..." I frown before focusing on Quinn again.

"Hey, Q. How are you feeling?"

"Bad- _I feel really bad_." She closes her eyes, I sit down beside her and ask her why. "Cause you're back." My face falls and Noah clears his throat awkwardly, my heart clenches and I distance myself from Quinn a little. _Keep yourself together. _After a while, Quinn's intoxicated body slumps forward and I barely had enough time to catch her before she fell face first to the floor. I try waking her up but she was out cold- _seriously, what did this girl drink?_

"What the fuck happened to her?"

"I already told you, I picked her up like this. I was even on a date when she called and when I got to her she just kept telling me to take her to your place." Noah says defensively and I sigh before allowing Quinn to lean on me, I can still smell that distinct Quinn scent through the alcohol. I comb her hair out of her face and run a thumb over her slightly flushed cheeks. "Should I just leave her here?"

I snap my head up and look at Noah. "No, my dad's gonna be home later... He's gonna flip if he sees her passed out on our couch."

"Okay, I'll take her to my place then. I don't think it's a good idea to bring her to Mrs. Kit's... She'd fire my ass for sure if she sees me carrying her unconscious granddaughter into her house."

"No, _umm_- I want to take care of her. I mean, she needs someone to take care of her when she wakes up." Noah smirks slightly and I roll my eyes at him. "Can you just take us to her real house? I'll make up some excuse." He agrees and we both carry Quinn back to his car; we lay her down in the backseat and I run back to the house and make sure the front door was locked. I return to the vehicle and sit with her so she could rest her head on my lap during the drive. _She looks like a little kid, it's kinda sorta super adorable. _"Do you know where her phone is? I probably should text Mrs. Kit."

"Check under the seat." I find Quinn's phone and text Mrs. Kit pretending to be Quinn. I type out a message saying that she was spending the night in the other house. I'm just seriously hoping that my ex-boss won't text back with questions that I can't answer— or worse; _call_. I then struggle with coming up with what to say to my dad... He really doesn't like Quinn anymore so I can't exactly tell him the truth, right? Ugh. _Think, Santana. _I dial Olivia's number, praying that my plan would work.

_"Santana?"_

"Hey, Olivia, I _uhh_- really need your help with something."

_"Yeah?"_

"Is my dad there?" I ask her nervously.

_"Yeah but he's a bit busy with a patient. What's up?"_

"I need you to cover for me, please... I just left the house and I'm not coming home tonight."

_"What__—__"_

"Please." I plead and I hear her sigh loudly. "I'm safe, I promise I am. I just really need to take care of my friend right now so I have to stay with her at her place."

_"Santana, you know that I can't lie to your dad."_ I squeeze my eyes shut and groan._ Crap. _Ugh, I'm screwed. _"But I'll tell him you're at a friend's house and I'll make sure he doesn't force you to come home, okay? I don't really know what's going on but I hope your friend is alright."_

"Thank you!" I scream gratefully into the receiver causing Noah to look at me in the rearview mirror for a split second. "You're a lifesaver, I'll explain everything tomorrow."

_"Alright. Be safe, okay? And don't forget about the dinner tomorrow."_

"I won't, thanks again!" I end the call, letting out a sigh of relief before stuffing my phone into my pocket. "Noah, where did you find her?"

"Some bar... Believe me I'm as surprised as you- maybe even more. Quinn's not really the type to get drunk like this anymore, I actually haven't seen her in this state since like sophomore year of high school, right after Charlie died." He sighs before taking a turn. "I know what she said back at your place hurt but let her explain first, alright? I'm sure she meant something else by it."

"What else could she have possibly meant?" I demand, raising an eyebrow at the boy. "She said she felt bad cause I was back, which means she got wasted cause I came back." I sigh deeply before looking down at Quinn's face. "Noah, she doesn't want me here."

"Do you honestly believe the shit you're saying?"

"It came out of her mou—"

"Santana!" He cuts me off, raising his voice significantly. "You don't fucking get it. As soon as I got to her, she asked me to bring her to your place. Meaning, she wanted to see you... She wants you here. That girl still loves you and I seriously don't understand why you're both making it so difficult for yourselves."

"Because it's not that simple, alright? Maybe she still has feelings for me but that doesn't mean she's willing to give me another shot... I hurt her, Noah- I fucking hurt her and I messed it all up." My eyes start to water and I look out of the window, Noah starts talking again but I swiftly stop him. "Just drop it, please." I tell him weakly and he hesitatingly nods, the rest of the ride was silent; omitting the sound of Quinn's even breathing.

_-x-x-x-x-_

Noah left for a while but he's back now with some necessary supplies- water, food, etc. I flash him a grateful smile from my chair beside Quinn's bed. "Thanks." He grins at me before placing the paper bag on top of the nearest table. "Are you also staying the night?"

"_Umm_- I wish I could but I have to fix something... Can you just text or call me if something comes up? But I'm sure you two will be okay." Noah tells me confidently before sitting on the edge of Quinn's bed. "Do me a favor, San."

"Yeah?"

"Figure out what's up with her, please... I've seen her throw her life away before and I don't think she can make it through something like that again. Plus, _I _can't handle seeing her that way again."

I watch as Noah's inspects Quinn's sleeping form, a deep frown on his lips. "I'll try my best... I promise." He gives me another small smile before standing up. I walk up to him and hug him tight- thankful that he was around. Noah leaves and a couple of minutes later he texted; telling me that he made sure the gates were locked and that he was gonna come over early tomorrow to give both Quinn and I a ride home.

I sit beside Quinn and cup her cheek, she doesn't even stir. I let out an audible sigh while allowing my eyes to rake over her features; she's still so fucking beautiful even when she's passed out like this. When she wakes up I'm going to do it... Fuck my pride, fuck my fears- I'm going to be brave enough to tell her what I want.

I'm going to ask for another chance.

_I'm going to tell her that I'm still in love with her._

_-x-x-x-x-_

A loud groan resonates around the room causing me to jolt awake. I look at the bed where Quinn was sitting up and clutching the sides of her head with both hands. I quickly check the time on my phone- 11:43AM. "Hey." I breathe out, as if being too loud would pop the bubble we were in. She whips her head to the side and faces me; a confused expression on her face. "How are you_—_"

Quinn shoots out of the bed and rapidly stumbles into the bathroom, I rush after her; she kneels down in front of the toilet and starts puking. I grimace when I hear the amount of liquid meeting that of the bowl- _she drank a lot_. I silently stand behind her and hold her hair, I waited for the gagging sounds to stop coming before speaking again. "Quinn?" I let go of her and step back a little.

She sits down on the floor and rests her back against the closest wall of the bathroom. Quinn holds her head in her hands, refusing to look at me. "I don't remember anything..." She lets out another distressed groan. "Please tell me I didn't fuck up too badly."

"Hey, you didn't fuck up at all." I kneel down in front of her and pull her hands away from her face. "Everything's fine, Q... Come on, let's get you cleaned up. Oh and there's water and Advil in the room." She nods before allowing me to pull her to her feet; she washes her face and brushes her teeth before following me back into the bedroom. I hand her one of the pills and a water bottle, she barely sips from it but that's okay. _You're not supposed to shock your system. _"How's your head?"

"I feel like I'm dying." She plops down face first onto her bed. "Tell me how we ended up here, please... I seriously blacked out." Her words were muffled because of the sheets but I understood what she said. I sit down on the chair again and she lies down properly. I tell her what happened and she just kept letting out these small embarrassed sounds in response during the whole conversation- _cute. _"I'm sorry, San."

"Why are you sorry?" I ask curiously and she shrugs her shoulders.

"Cause you had to take care of me."

"It's not like I was forced to do so, Q."

"But it's also not like you _ha__—__"_

"Stop." I shush her and shake my head. "I wanted to take care of you, alright? It's fine."

"Okay." She nods her head slightly before averting her eyes away from me. "Did I _umm_- I mean, did I say anything?"

"Not really, well you kinda said something in my house." She snaps her head back to me; her hazel eyes wider than usual. "It's okay though, it doesn't matter."

"What did I say to you?"

"You just said you were feeling kind of bad..." I drawl out, trying to find better words for what I was telling her. "Then I asked you why, you told me it was because I came back." I whisper out and her mouth falls. "But it's cool." I say in a higher voice. "I completely understand so you don't have to worry about it."

"Wait. I didn't mean it like _that_ because I already told you that I'm glad you're back." She says softly, sitting up straighter. "Santana, I hope you believe me."

"Honestly, I actually don't, Q... You were drunk so you were probably telling me how you really felt. You know I'd rather hear you say it, just say that you hate me for what I did."

"But I don't hate you."

"How can you not hate me after what happened?"

"I just don't, okay? I can't." I look away and roll my eyes- _don't cry right now, Lopez. _Just don't. "What am I doing wrong though? I thought you wanted to be friends..."

"You aren't doing anything wrong, just drop it and go to sleep." I stand up from the chair and start walking towards the door. I feel her hug me from behind before I could make it out of the room though, I instantly melt into the hold. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to control my heart rate. "Quinn, please don't." I whisper out and she loosens her grip around me but makes me face her. "Go to sleep, let's talk about this tomorrow."

"No, let's deal with things now."

"Quinn_—__"_

"What happened last Friday?"

"What do you mean?" I play stupid and she narrows her eyes at me. "I don't know what_—__"_

"I don't fucking understand you, San." She says in a clearly frustrated tone. "First you tell me that you're jealous and when I tell you that you shouldn't be, you bring up the whole _'just friends'_ thing. Please tell me what you from me cause I'm so freaking tired of not knowing what to do."

"Wasn't I obvious enough? I told you I was jealous of Andi, wasn't it clear that I wasn't over you?"

"Well, the last time I made assumptions I got my heartbroken..." She whispers out and I look away guiltily. "Up to now I'm still just guessing when it comes to dealing with you." She cups my chin and makes me look into her eyes again. "I tried staying away, I really did but look what happened... I got drunk and we both somehow ended up here."

"Noah's worried about you- _I'm_ worried about you." Her hand falls from my face and she sighs. "Why'd you drink so much, Q?"

"Cause I got so sick of fighting with myself... It's exhausting not knowing what you want and I just wanted to stop thinking for a while."

"Look, I'm just going to say it... I love you, I'm still in love with you. And I hate myself for being the reason why you had to go out and drink so much." Tears start rolling down my cheeks and she wipes them away gently. "But I'm here- I tried moving on but it's too fucking hard to move on from something you're not really willing to let go of. So Q, I'm spilling out everything I feel and I'm asking you to give me another chance. You know what I want, no need to guess anymore."

She doesn't say anything she just surges forward for a rough kiss, I close my eyes and allow the kiss to take over all of my senses. She starts walking backwards without breaking the kiss and we both end up on top of the bed.

I straddle her hips and begin kissing down her neck, she lets out a soft moan when I start sucking on her pulse point. She grips the hem of my shirt and pulls it off of my body, quickly getting rid of my bra right after. I blush a little when I realize that this was the first time that she's seeing me naked, I shake away the insecure thoughts before focusing on the task at hand again. I pull away from her and she quickly removes her own shirt, bra and shorts. She flips us over, reversing our positions before trailing kisses down my body. "You're so freaking beautiful." Quinn whispers out and I bite my lip shyly. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah... Do you?"

"Yeah." She flashes me one of her signature smiles and I smile back. She slowly takes off my bottoms and underwear, I give her a slight nod before she moves her head lower. I squeeze my eyes shut as soon as I feel her down there.

We have sex for the first time.

_Just imagine, if she's this good hungover then__—_

* * *

**_June 28, 2012_**

My eyes flutter open and I look around the room- searching for Quinn. I let out a disappointed sigh when I realize that I was alone, I stand up and wrap the comforter around my still bare body. I walk throughout the house, checking for Quinn in every room. A sinking feeling starts filling my gut when I don't find her anywhere. I rush back to her room and notice that my clothes were neatly folded on the chair and my phone was lying on top of the pile.

I reach for it and check my messages- a couple of texts from my dad and one from Quinn.

_**QuinnFabray:** I'm sorry._

What? No way...

I drop the phone, and an exquisite kind of pain bursts inside me. I collapse onto the floor, wrapping my arms around myself- trying my best to keep it together but failing to do so. Continuous sobs begin racking through my shaking body as I feel my world crash around me. _She left, she just fucking left. _Tears flow freely from my eyes and I struggle with taking in enough oxygen to keep myself breathing.

2 fucking words... That's all.

I bite my wrist _hard_, trying to silence my cries. My phone beeps after a while and I reach for it, Noah sent a text saying that he was on his way. I bite my lower lip and pull myself up from the ground, I shakily put my clothes on while the tears continued to pour out. As soon as I was dressed, I laid down on the bed and clutched on a pillow tightly- wishing that it would magically transform into Quinn.

_After what happened... __How the hell could she just leave like that?_ I close my eyes and shake my head rapidly; trying to stop my brain from playing back what transpired the night before.

It fucking hurts.

I honestly thought everything was going to be okay.

-x-x-x-x-

"Are you planning to tell me what happened?" I shake my head and cross my arms over my stomach, refusing to meet Noah's gaze. "Where is she, San?" He asks me from the driver's seat and I shrug my shoulders. "No seriously, what the hell is going on?"

"I don't know, okay?" I frustratedly shout back. I suck in my lower lip, struggling to stop the tears from coming out again; _compose yourself for a while longer, Lopez_. "She left this morning and I don't know where she is... Please just take me home." I beg and he opens his mouth but I shake my head. "Please, Noah." He exhales deeply before shifting the gear into drive and going towards my house. When we got there, I told him to wait for a while; I ran up to my room and grabbed Quinn's bracelet before going back to the car. "Give this back to her for me, alright?"

"Santana, what's happening?"

"Nothing... It's finally over." I whisper out before turning away from him- the tears were coming out again and I was too weak to hold myself together. "Thanks, Noah." I tell him over my shoulder before walking back to my house. As soon as I closed the front door, I crumbled to the floor; drawing my knees up to my chest and burying my face into the material of my jeans. I feel a hand on my back and look up; I see Olivia and my dad looking at me worriedly. "Shit, I'm sorry I'm_—_"_  
_

"It's okay, Tana." My dad pulls me up and wraps his arms around me. "But you need to tell me what's going on." He places a kiss on the top of my head and I start sobbing into his shirt; he just tightens the embrace and allows me to cry it all out. Once I was calm enough we all sat down in the living room and I tried my best to explain the situation without being _too_ explicit- there's a limit to what a parent can know. I told them about the whole cheating thing though, making sure they knew it wasn't all Quinn's fault. "So let me get this straight... You guys got into a big fight and now you don't think you can fix things anymore?"

"Something like that." I shrug my shoulders. "I don't think she wants to fix things, I'm pretty sure she's done with me."

"If she's stupid enough to let you go then she's not worth the tears, Santana." Olivia rubs my back gently and I flash her the best smile I could muster. "You're still so young, this isn't the end of the world, I promise."

_Just the end of our world. _I force myself to nod before excusing myself and going up to my room, I promised them that I was going to make it to the dinner later though. It felt nice talking to people; letting some of the pressure out but the pain is still excruciating.

And I just want to find a way to escape it.

_-x-x-x-x- _

"Well, I never believed in whirlwind romances... I thought that was just Hollywood bullshit." This earns my dad a couple of laughs from everyone. "I was honestly convinced I was gonna die a lonely man but then I met Olivia and everything changed." Olivia rolls her eyes and elbows him playfully. "I don't know what I did to deserve her but I know that I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure that I'm good enough to be called her husband." He wraps an arm around his fiancée's shoulders, pulls her to him and kisses the top of her head. "I'm the luckiest man in the world." He beams before capturing Olivia's lips for a quick and chaste kiss. All the guests in the room start cheering and the noise only dies down when Olivia's speech starts.

They're probably the cheesiest couple ever but it's fine cause I know it's all genuine. Real love doesn't come easy and it's foolish if you're not willing to show it off.

After the speeches and toasts, I walk up to the couple and hug them both. "Even if I kinda vomited in my mouth a little..." I joke and my dad light-heartedly snorts. "I'm really happy for you guys."

"Thanks, Santana. You don't know how much it means to me."

"Me too." My dad pipes in and I smile at the both of them. "Love you, kid." I whisper out a _'you too'_ before allowing him to pull me into another tight embrace. "Are you okay?" I hum out an_ 'mhmm'_, aware that it wasn't the most convincing response but it was all I could manage.

_-x-x-x-x-_

I'm glad that everyone in the room was paying attention to the couple; it meant that I didn't have to try so hard to look okay. _I wasn't okay._ I literally had to force myself out of the house a while ago, I'm just too fucking exhausted to function properly. _Heartache really tires you out. _At least the wedding is on Saturday and I'm heading back to Seattle in less than a week.

The distance didn't really help with getting over Quinn 10 months ago so it probably won't make that much of a difference now but at least the risk of randomly running into her won't be there. I don't think I can handle casually seeing her after what happened... Maybe I can find a way to just shut it all out and pretend that I never even met her- I know that didn't work before but it could work this time... _Right?_ The pain is so intense now- _it could work... _I'll try so much harder not to let anything remind me of her, I'll try so much harder to move on.

I'll try to be okay.

I just don't get it though. Everything was perfect before I went to sleep last night; I felt incredible and for once it all made sense. I was where I was supposed to be- _with Quinn._ But as soon as I woke up it was over just like a fucking dream. And the most painful part is that she left without saying anything of value... I thought we both wanted to get back together, she made me feel like we were finally going to be fine. I thought she was mine again.

_Turns out I was wrong. _

* * *

**_June 30, 2012_**

"Well you look dashing." I snort at my choice of words and my father tries to keep his face straight but a laugh erupts from his throat. "Seriously dad, looking good." I straighten out his bow tie. "How do you feel?"

"Like I'm going to my first prom..." He replies nervously, making me chuckle. "I'm serious, it's a mixture of excitement and anxiety but I know I'm happy. Have you spoken to her? Is she still marrying me?" I roll my eyes before nodding.

"Yes, she's still crazy about you. She looks absolutely beautiful, dad."

"Just like you will on your wedding day. I mean... When the time comes."

"I'm so not getting married." I make a fake gagging noise and he raises an eyebrow. "What? I'm serious, the whole marriage thing is not for me."

"You're saying that now but I promise when you find the right person you_—_"

"Stop, please." _Not a good topic._ I check myself in the mirror, making sure my make up and hair looked okay. "I don't want to talk about my love life right now. Today's about you."

"You know you'll always be my number one girl, right?" He asks and I roll my eyes again before nodding. "I'm serious, you'll always be my baby Tana."

"Dad, enough cheese please... No one's dying today." I joke and he gives me a tightlipped smile. "But yeah I know that and you'll always be my superhero." He hugs me tight and I tell him to take good care of Olivia. We both walk out out of the small room and enter the actual church; the ceremony starts and the whole entourage marches before Olivia makes her appearance. I smile from my place by the altar; she looks amazing. The wedding begins and I space out during most of it- my brain imagining my own wedding someday.

"_—_If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace." The church doors burst open and everyone snaps their heads around because of the sound, _including Mrs. Kit_. Everyone's eyes landed on Quinn who was panting breathlessly by the doorway. The preacher stares at her with in shock for a few seconds before clearing his throat and addressing her. "Young lady, are you objecting?"

"What?" Quinn asks, snapping her hazel eyes away from me. "No, I'm not objecting to anything." She replies before looking around the room, I watch semi-amusedly as realization dawns upon her. Her cheeks turn bright red and she awkwardly points to an unoccupied pew before sitting down and hiding her face from everyone. The preacher goes on with the ceremony, pretending the disruption didn't happen at all and the guests gradually focus on the ritual again. I was still thinking about Quinn though, my heart was thumping and my mouth was extremely dry. _Faster. _I impatiently wait for the wedding to end and I almost let out an audible sigh of relief when I heard the phrase _'you may now kiss each other'. _

Once the applause died down, I started walking towards Quinn but before I could get too far someone gripped my shoulder. I look back and see my dad giving me a disappointed look. "I think I may actually hate that kid." He says in a serious tone and I frown. "We still have to take pictures, make her wait." I nod in understanding before allowing my dad to lead me in front of the photographer. Once my dad was pleased he waved me off and I quickly made my way to Quinn.

"Well that was some entrance." I say teasingly and she shrugs her shoulders, a shy expression masking her face. "Hey." I breathe out before sitting beside her. _I really want to get mad her- scream at her but I can't. I just can't. _"What are you doing here?"

"I came to apologize for being so stupid."

"And you couldn't wait till after the wedding?"

"I could've but I didn't really want to make you wait any longer." She replies sincerely before holding both of my hands in hers. "I'm so sorry, Santana... I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me but when I woke up I just started freaking out. I started thinking about last year and I got so scared that I was gonna get hurt again. I'm not used to letting people in and the whole cheating thing messed me up even more... I know it's not a good enough reason for leaving you the way that I did but I guess I was just so freaking overwhelmed." She starts tearing up and I bite back my own tears. "I thought I needed to stay away from you... I wasn't thinking straight but when Noah gave me the bracelet back in Fantascape a while ago I realized_—_"

"Quinn_—_"

"Just here me out first... I honestly can't believe I did that to you and I can't begin to explain how bad I feel. I handled things wrongly and I'm sorry, I should've stayed and talked to you but like always I ran away. I isolated myself- thinking I could handle things better alone. But I don't want to be that person anymore, Santana... I don't want to be the kind of person who constantly distances herself from people cause she's afraid that they'll disappear."

"But I told you I loved you, I told you I wanted to try again."

"Well, I want to try again too."

"I don't know if_—_"

"Santana, I love you." She cuts me off and my heart melts at the confession. _  
_

"I love you too, Quinn but_—_"

She shushes me by softly placing her finger on my lips. "Just answer one question for me, alright?" I nod. "Do you still want try?"

"I do." I breathe out and she lets out a sigh of relief before pecking at my lips.

"Then we'll figure it out, we both tried the whole getting over each other thing and it didn't work... Let's just start over, alright? Just you and me." She brings the back of my hand to her lips and leaves a lingering kiss on my skin. "It's not going to be easy but I know it's going to be worth it."

I close my eyes and nod again before allowing Quinn to pull me towards her. She wraps her arms around me and I bury my face into her neck. I feel her press her lips onto the top of my head. "I'm so sorry for everything."

"I'm sorry too, Quinn..." I whisper out before breaking away from her enough to look her in the eye. "What happens now?"

She shrugs her shoulders before leaning in for a quick kiss. "Now we finally allow ourselves to be happy." Quinn places the Q&S bracelet on my wrist and whispers out another _'I love you'. _

"I love you too."


	15. Chapter 15

******_July 1, 2012_**

I gaze downwards trying my best to memorize how Fantascape looked like from the top of the Ferris wheel. The amusement park is actually closed already but Quinn managed to find a way to keep it open for the both of us-_ so we could make the most out of my last night in Lima._ It really sucks knowing that I'm going to board a plane tomorrow and fly back to Seattle... Basically, I'll be placing 2,000 miles between myself and the one person I want to be with.

It's stupid.

"What are you thinking about?" Quinn asks me softly before kissing the side of my head. I shrug the shoulder that wasn't gently resting against her body. "I thought we were going to work on the whole communication thing..." She cups my chin and makes me look at her. "Talk to me."

"It's nothing, I'm just thinking about shit again..."

"Like?"

"What's going to happen to us after I leave tomorrow."

"We already talked about that, right? We'll talk everyday, I'll visit you in Seattle as soon as I can and then we'll figure out what happens when we both go to New York. We'll make it work."

"You make it sound so simple." I sigh before burying my face into the material of her shirt. "Life hasn't really been on our side when it comes to _'making things work'_, Q."

"It's going to be different this time around." Quinn kisses my forehead. "We both made mistakes in the past and I guess everything happened for a reason... I'm not quite sure what that reason is yet but I just know that I need you; I can't even begin to explain how much I missed you." She sighs deeply and my heart rate speeds up a little. "The whole Brooke thing hurt me a lot but not having you in my life hurt so much more."

I bite my lower lip and pull away from her hold, settling against the opposite side of the cart. "I'm so sorry, Q. I know it doesn't change anything but you should know that I never meant to hurt you like that."

"I know you didn't... It's okay, it's over."

I roll my eyes at how apathetic towards the situation she sounded, _again_. "Quinn, get mad at me. I _want_ you to get mad at me." I frustratedly tell her. "I want you to curse me out, to tell me how you really feel about what happened."

"What will fighting you accomplish? It's done, Santana... I admit that was the first time I got my heart broken and it hurt so much but reliving what happened and getting angry with you for it won't change anything." Quinn interlaces her fingers with mine. "I already tried hating you but I just couldn't, so stop."

"Why are you so fucking perfect?" I cover my face with my free hand and groan. "I don't deserve you, Q." She tries cutting me off but I continue. "You've been nothing but amazing ever since we met and I just kept pushing you away and then I even cheated you. I don't understand why you're settling for me."

"Hey, I'm doing the exact opposite of settling." She holds both of my hands in hers. "If I tried being with anyone other than you... _That_ would've been settling. Everyone else is ordinary in my eyes except for you." I hate it when she looks at me like this; like she sees so much more than just my face. _Those hazel eyes kill me. _"Believe me, you're all I'll ever want."

"I love you and I'm sorry I'm being such an insecure bitch._ I just_- I don't know how to feel right now." I allow her to pull my body towards hers and I cling onto her tightly.

"Just feel loved." I giggle before pressing a kiss onto her neck and smiling against her skin.

"So... What happened when you rode this thing with Andi?" I ask out of nowhere; trying to lighten the mood and appease my own curiosity.

"Secret." She says smugly, making me glare at her. "Why do you want to know?"

"I'm just wondering." I reply in an annoyed tone and she chuckles. "Not funny." I try to break away from her hold but she stops me. "Whatever, I don't really care."

"You're right it isn't funny." She kisses my forehead and I roll my eyes playfully. "You're just adorable when you're all jealous."

"I'm not jealous."

"You are."

"I'm not jealous."

"You are."

"I'm not fucking jealous of some _Little Mermaid-look-alike_."

"What?"

"Don't ask me, Lucy came up with that one..." I shrug and she chuckles. "Bottom line, I'm not jealous."

"San, It's obvious, stop denying it." She smirks at me and I stick my tongue out at her. "But just so you know... I didn't ride this with her, I couldn't. Not after you said it was _our _ride." I smile softly at her words. "Honestly, Andi is really cool and I tried liking her but she's just nothing compared to you." She kisses me on the lips and it subdues the jealousy bubbling in my stomach. "You don't have to be jealous of her... Or of anyone, actually. I love you too much to like anyone else."

"Dork." I mumble under my breath, a grin on my face. "Love you too."

We stay on the ride until my dad calls me up and tells me that I need to go home already. After the call ended we stayed for a little while longer- sharing a couple more lazy kisses and whispering sweet things to each other.

It's cheesy as fuck but it's absolutely perfect.

_Just like Quinn._

* * *

_**July 2,**** 2012**_

"You're leaving again..." Lucy states sadly before hugging my waist. "Don't." I look at Quinn and she just shrugs her shoulders, I kneel down so I could look at Lucy better; bad idea. _She's crying. _"I don't want you to go, San."

"Hey, it's okay. I promise we'll see each other soon." I tuck some of her blonde hair behind her ear and flash her the best smile I could come up with. "Please don't cry, Luce. You're gonna make me cry." I suck in my bottom lip and bite it to stop the tears from forming in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, it's just that when you came back Quinn sorta became normal... I feel like she'll be different again when you leave." Lucy whispers into my ear and I shift my eyes to Quinn who was raising an eyebrow at me curiously. "Just don't go."

"I promise I don't want to go, I just have to." I hug her tight and she soaks my shirt with her tears. "I'll make sure Quinn doesn't act differently though..." I pull away a little to extend my pinky to her. "Pinky promise."

She wipes away her tears before wrapping her pinky around mine and sighing. "I'll miss you, Sanny."

"I'll miss you more, Luce." I kiss her on the cheek and Quinn clears her throat. "I have to go, babe. Be a good girl, alright?" Lucy just nods sadly and Quinn kisses the top of her head before we both exit the little girl's room. My heart feels heavy and I feel like crying my eyes out but I know Quinn's also having a tough time dealing with the fact that I'm leaving and I don't want to make it harder on her.

So I just kiss her before she starts the car, hoping the kiss would tell her everything I wasn't capable of saying.

_-x-x-x-x- _

My dad and Olivia were already waiting in the airport so they could say goodbye to me before I left. They were kind of against me going to Mrs. Kit's before the airport but I told them that I _needed_ to see Lucy. I walk up to the couple and flash them a sad smile. "Hey."

"Tana, there you are." My dad looks behind me and slightly acknowledges Quinn. "Are you sure you have everything?" I nod weakly and he sighs, he moves closer to me and hugs me tight. "I wish you didn't have to go."

"You say that whenever I leave Lima..." I force out a chuckle but tears were forming in my eyes. "Mom will kill me if I don't go home, dad. Take care of yourself and Olivia, alright?"

"Of course. Behave and don't cause your mom too much stress." He gives me a pointed look before kissing my forehead. "I love you, Tana and I'll see you when you get to New York." Olivia comes up to me and says her goodbyes, hugging me tight and telling me to be good. I hug her back and whisper out a _'I'm glad you're part of my family' _before breaking away from her. My dad clears his throat and checks the time on his watch before looking between Quinn and I. "We're leaving. Fabray, make sure she gets on that plane, alright?" Quinn quickly nods but he continues to stare her down. "And don't make her cry again."

"I won't, sir." Quinn grins at him sheepishly and Olivia elbows my dad in the ribs. _Thanks. _"Sorry." She says softly before looking at the ground, I give my dad an irked look before holding Quinn's hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Dad." I roll my eyes and he raises his hands in the air before giving me another quick hug and finally leaving with Olivia. "I'm sorry about that, Q... He's just a little protective."

"Don't worry about it." She smiles at me before bringing my suitcase closer to the glass doors.

"I have to talk to you about something before I go..." Quinn looks at me worriedly so I swiftly continue. "It's nothing bad, it's just Lucy said some things a while ago... Be careful with her, Q. She's so smart for her age, she knows when something's up with you so just try to understand how she acts around you."

"I know... I admit I haven't been the best aunt lately but I'm trying to fix that."

"Good, she loves you so much. You guys will be okay, I'm sure of it."

"Lucy's right, you shouldn't go. Let's just fake it, pretend you got on the flight but then you're here... Just stay with me, we'll just hide it out till' you really have to go to New York." I grin even if tears were slipping out of my eyes. "Or I'll buy a ticket right now and go with you, I'll stay in some cheap hotel... Then we can hang out everyday, I just want to be with you, San."

"We both know you can't do that... You have to fix your college stuff." I wipe away my tears but it's no use; _they keep coming_. "I'm so tempted to stay though."

"But your dad will literally kill me if you do." Quinn frowns before pulling me towards her, I rest the side of my head against her chest; I can hear her heartbeat so clearly. _I'll miss that sound so much._ "I'll fly to Seattle as soon as I can, I promise." I nod and she cups my face with both of her hands. "I'm going to miss you like crazy."

"I'll miss you more."

"Impossible." She leans in and captures my lip for a passionate kiss; there's no tongue involved cause we're in public but it's still electrifying. The tears continue to drip down my cheeks and Quinn's thumbs aren't quick enough to swipe them all away. "You don't even know how much I love you, Santana." She whispers out after the kiss ends, her eyes still closed.

"I sorta have an idea." I kiss the corner of her mouth and she smiles. "This isn't goodbye, dork. I'll see you soon." She kisses me again before pulling away completely, I watch sadly as she dries her eyes with the sleeves of her hoodie. "Take care of yourself for me."

"I will... You too, alright? Text me when you're about to board and then text me again when you land in Seattle."

"Mhmm." I hum out before tugging Quinn towards me using the front pockets of her shorts. She chuckles before kissing me again, I don't hesitate; quickly darting my tongue into her mouth. _I'm not seeing her for a while, leave me alone. _She kisses me back for a while before pushing me off gently. "Sorry." I mumble out with a grin on my face. "Well, not really."

She rolls her eyes playfully before checking the time on her phone. "You should go."

"I know."

"I don't want you to go though."

"I know."

"I love you."

"Love you too." She pecks at my lips one more time before grabbing my suitcase and dragging me towards the actual entrance. "What if I just miss the flight?"

"San." Quinn whines before stomping her foot on the ground adorably. "You don't know how tempted I am to just kidnap you and hide you in my room right now... So I need you to go in there before I lose all of my self control."

"Fine." I sigh before biting my lip shyly. "Can I have the hoodie?"

"What?"

"I mean, can I _borrow_ the hoodie that you're wearing." I point at the red McKinley high sweater on her body. "I forgot to bring one and you know how airports are always _so_ cold..." She smirks before stripping it off, revealing just a white tank top under. _Fuck._ Quinn hands it to me, making sure to steal a kiss while we were in close proximity to one another. "Thanks, babe."

"Now, go. Please." She pouts before pointing at the airport's doors. "Cause I swear you're too cute right now and I'm so close to just carrying you back to my car."

"Okay, I'm going. I love you."

"You said that already..." She chuckles and I stick my tongue out at her.

"And I'll say it as many times as I want. I love you, Quinn Fabray."

"I love you too." I squeeze my eyes shut before reaching for the handle of my suitcase with my free hand and turning away from her.

_Everything will be okay._

* * *

_**September 26, 2012 **_

Life's pretty fucking funny, huh?

It's unreal how much can happen in a year, a month, a week... _Even a day._ One second you can be absolutely miserable and completely ecstatic the next. I guess life's inconsistency is what makes it so thrilling- _what makes it life_. If you asked me when I was 10 years old what I would be doing in 2012, I would've said something stupid like travelling the world;_ as if I could afford it right now_. If you asked me the same question when I was 16 years old, I would've said that I would finally be with Brooke. _I __would've ended up with my best friend and we would've been happy together_.

But this is life and things rarely turn out the way you expect them to.

It's not like I could've ever predicted that I would be studying in my dream school and living in New York with someone who was nothing more than a stranger a bit over a year ago. I'm happy though, so fucking happy.

It was sorta difficult to maintain our relationship while we were apart; calls and texts will never come close to the real thing. We made it work though, we both knew it was worth it anyway. Quinn visited me in Seattle for 3 days, some time during mid-august. She brought Lucy with her and it was just a lot of fun. I introduced Quinn to my mom and even if she was a bit sceptical,_ blame my dad_, I can tell she liked Quinn. And she simply adored Lucy, no surprise there... _That kid can charm anyone._

Oh and my dad is working on his issues with Quinn, I know deep inside he likes her;_ he's just being a dad_. At least Olivia's there to help him see that Quinn truly loves me and that he doesn't need to worry about me getting hurt.

Back to the Seattle trip, Brooke had dinner with us one night and it was so awkward at the start but they both knew that I _need_ them to be friends with each other. _I can't lose either of them... Never. _At least Lucy was there to keep us all entertained and it turned out okay, I guess. There's still room for improvement but we have the rest of our lives for that.

Quinn got into NYU, by the way and we decided to just get an apartment together. I'm pretty sure Quinn is half-lying to me about the rent but every time I try to get it out of her, she finds a way to distract me.

So that's it; we're both in New York and everything just feels so surreal. Everything is just so close to being perfect that it actually scares me. I feel like I don't deserve this life but I'm not complaining, _I wouldn't dare to_. I'm not sure what exactly the future holds for us but I know that as long as I have Quinn, everything will be okay. I know that sounds so fucking cheesy and lame but it's the truth.

I'm inexplicably in love with Quinn Fabray and there's nothing I can do about it.

But it's completely fine with me.

_-x-x-x-x- _

"Babe?" I call out before dropping my school bag on the couch and making my way to the bedroom; it's just a small one-bedroom apartment but we make it work. I see Quinn on the bed talking to someone on the phone, I place a kiss on her cheek and she smiles at me. I mouth out a _'who's that?' _and she tells me that it's Lucy. "Can I talk to her when you're done?"

"Luce, Sanny's home and she wants to talk to you. Alright, alright, hold on." She chuckles before handing me her phone. "If it wasn't you, I'd actually be jealous that my niece likes someone more than me."

"You're such a dork." I playfully roll my eyes before greeting Lucy. "How are you, babe?"

_"Hi San! I'm okay. How are you and Q?" _

"We're great, we just started going to school and it's been good so far."

_"Really? That's so cool because I'm in school too maybe in a few years I can go to New York and study with you guys." _

"That sounds great, Luce." I grin before settling down in between Quinn's legs on the bed; leaning against her front. She immediately wraps her arms around me and starts kissing my neck. I try to shrug her off but she doesn't stop. I pull the phone away before giving the blonde behind me a pointed look. "Quinn, stop— yeah, Luce, I'm still here."

_"Nana says we'll visit you guys during Christmas break."_

"Really? I can't wait to see you." Quinn starts placing soft pecks on my skin again and I mute the phone. "At least let me finish the call, Q." She pouts and I roll my eyes. "You can do whatever you want with me after, I promise." She raises an eyebrow and I place a chaste kiss on her lips before continuing the phone call. Lucy and I chat about how things were back in Lima and I tell her a bit about my college. A couple of minutes later, someone calls her for dinner and I promise her that we would talk again soon. I gave the phone back to Quinn so she could say bye and as soon as the line died, Quinn dropped the gadget onto the floor and found a way to lay me on my back and hover over my body. "You're sneaky." I breathe out and she smirks.

"I've been wanting to this _all_ day." She captures my lips for an intense kiss before trailing pecks down my skin. "How was school?" Quinn asks before sucking at my pulse point.

"Really? We're gonna do the _'how was your day'_ thing right now?" I ask after letting out a small moan. "Can we talk about it later..."

"No, tell me." She snakes a hand under my shirt and I groan loudly. "Communication is key, right?"

"I hate you." I say shakily before squeezing my eyes shut. "My day was good, my English teacher is absolutely brilliant." Quinn unhooks my bra and begins teasing me. "The subway was shitty like always-_ I_- I saw a man that looked like Jabba the Hutt."

She stops what she was doing and I snap my eyes open. "Mood killer, San." Quinn scrunches her face up in disgust and I narrow my eyes at her. "Seriously? Mentioning Jabba the Hutt while we're having sexy times... _Just eww_."

"You're the one who wanted to talk..." I yank my shirt over my head and let my bra slip off my shoulders. "Fabray, I swear if you leave me hanging, I will_ ki_—" She cuts me off with a hard kiss and I moan.

The conversation ended there.

_-x-x-x-x- _

"Do you ever think that everything's going _too_ well?" I ask Quinn while drawing random shapes on her stomach.

"What do you mean?"

"Our lives just seem so perfect... Well not _exactly __perfect_, I know that our apartment sucks and our neighbours are creepy but it's still _kinda_ _perfect_? I don't know, I'm just so happy and I just want things to stay like this."

"I think we've gone through enough, we deserve to be happy."

"Yeah, you're right." I smile before kissing her jaw and sitting up. "I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry."

"Feed me." I pout and she shakes her head amusedly before getting out of bed and walking out of the room; giving me the perfect view of her ass. "Did I ever tell you that you have a cute butt?" I shout out before stretching my limbs.

"Everyday, babe. Everyday." I smile contentedly before lying back down. _I can seriously get used to this._ "If you don't help cook it, you're not eating it." She yells from the kitchen and I groan as loud as I can. "Not kidding, San."

"I hate you." I tell her as soon as I stepped out of the bedroom.

"Love you more." I hug her from behind and kiss her bare shoulder, whispering out a _'love you too'. _

My life may not be 100% perfect but it's pretty damn close.

_Oh and I have the perfect girl so nothing else really matters. _

* * *

**_October 19, 2012_**

My eyes slowly flutter open because of the feeling of Quinn's lips on me. I find her straddling my body and I instantly grin. "Happy birthday, baby."

"Thank you." I wrap my arms around her and hug her tight. "What time is it?"

"2 more hours before you have to get ready for class. We have time..."

"For birthday sex?" I smirk before trying to pull her face down, she resists though and I raise an eyebrow. "The position we're in is kinda suggestive so... If we're not having sex then why are you on me like this."

"Keep quiet for a minute, please." She whispers out before bending down and kissing me on the lips. Quinn reaches for a small package on the foot of the bed and hands it to me. "Don't freak out when you open it."

"Quinn..." I say in a warning tone. "What is it?"

"Just open it and promise me you'll keep it."

"No." I try to give it back to her but she refuses. "Quinn." I whine before staring at the small box resting on my chest. "Am I going to get mad at you because of this?"

"No, you won't because you love me." She says cheekily before placing my hand on the box. "Just open it, please." I slowly unwrap the gift and as soon as I see the crown logo I shake my head. "You haven't even seen it yet."

"I don't care, I don't want it."

"Santana." She pouts.

"I'm not accepting this."

"San... Just open it first." I roll my eyes before flipping box open and revealing a slim white gold watch. "I know it might seem like a lot but I wanted to make it special since it's your first birthday that we're spending together."

"Quinn, I'm pretty sure this is worth more than my tuition for one semester. I really don't want it, you can have it."

"No, it's yours... There's a reason I got you a watch, just hear me out first, alright? I wanted to give you something that reminds you of me and my love for you. No matter how much time passes, San, I promise I will always love you. I know we're both still adapting to our new surroundings and it's a bit difficult but I'm sure we'll be fine." She takes the watch out of the box and places it on my wrist. "And once I graduate and find a job, I'm going to propose to you but right now I'm going to just ask you to be my girlfriend... _Like officially, I mean._ So yeah, will you be my girlfriend?"

My heart melts and I lose the ability to form words for a couple of seconds. "Yes, of course." I choke out and she lets out a sigh of relief. "Thanks for ruining the surprise, by the way." I joke before reaching for her and smashing our lips together, I lock my arms around her neck and kiss her roughly. "I love you so much."

"It wasn't too cheesy?"

"It was cheesy as fuck but I loved it. Thank you, babe." I kiss her on the lips again, this time a lot softer. "You know what this means though, right?"

She shakes her head. "What?"

"I'm going to have to save up to buy you something equally amazing." I smirk out.

"You really don't have to."

"I know but I want to. Your birthday's coming up and since you ruined the proposal surprise... Be ready to receive the best gift ever, Fabray."

"Whatever you say." Quinn settles down beside me and snuggles closer. "Just know that I have a couple more surprises planned for today."

"You know I hate surprises."

"Exactly why I love surprising you."

"You're so lucky I'm in love with you." I glare at her and she grins widely.

"Believe me, I know." I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me.

Who knew those 2 months in Lima would turn into all of this...

_One summer can change everything. _

* * *

**AN: **It's over.

_**I wrote a prequel and it's on Tumblr, it solely focuses on Brooktana before Santana left for Lima. So... If you're not into Brooke Prince, just don't read it, please. It's only for those who wanted it!_


End file.
